[SmoothieMom]

I don't know if any of you read my earlier thread, but my DH and I separated due to some conflicts we were having. We have an almost 15month DD and when I grew tired of his head games I filed for a legal separation with a lawyer and had him served and change the locks.

Well then suddenly he was 100% for reconciling and I let him move back home. It is not going well, he is sleeping in the spare room and I have DD co sleeping with me.

I guess I don't really have a question I wanted to vent. Is anyone in a similar situation? Separated but under the same roof?

He refuses to go to counseling but says he is fine with 'me going' - it will be a 'night out for me and he will look after our DD'

:

Gee thanks

 

[Rosehip]

I lived w/my X for a few months after we decided to separate. It was pure hell. I am sure I'll have time taken off my stay in purgatory for it. I think that in the vast majority of situations, this does not work well.

Why is he there (aside from the promises he clearly had no intention of keeping)? Are you planning to keep this arrangement?

 

[SmoothieMom]

I don't know what I am planning except a glass of wine later tonight.

I just want to be a loving couple like we used to be, now he is all work and doesn't really have any compassion for some of the issues I was dealing with. He travels a lot - although not as much as I would like (at the moment)

He left me. He walked out and left me, went to stay at his mother's, no communication, not calling to check on DD, etc... I was pissed off and filed for legal separation of assets and support - the whole works... and then suddenly he wanted to talk and come back.

 

[grass67hopper]

'hoovering' -- when someone sweet talks and basically sucks you back in

SM,
It sounds like you know what the 'right' thing is...
But do take some time for yourself to be really clear about what you want and what is best for you and DD.
Isn't it amazing how they're all of a sudden there and not leaving when all you want is some peace?

:
X and I were never legally separated (doesn't apply in our state), but lived under the same roof for over two years after I asked for a divorce. It's been hell!!!!!
My advice is to get him out as soon as you can! If you think there might be a chance of reconciling, then date while he lives with his mommy. Maybe she got tired of him and kicked him back out to you?

Also, make sure that you have all of the financial stuff in order. It may be ulterior motive for coming back...

 

[SmoothieMom]

I am getting a lot of backlash from family and friends saying I shodl take him back and he is a good guy, I should work on my marriage. Everything seems to be on me to solve the problems he won't even see the marriage counselor.

He leaves on Thursday for China, he will be gone at least 10 days.

 

[mijumom]

There's a good book called The Divorce Remedy. It is the best you can do. My situation is a bit different as my dh has been traveling and sleeping at a friend's house. But I'm here in our house with the kids and it is so weird and miserable...I am hoping maybe we will work it out (which I just don't think can happen without counseling). But, the limbo is hell and I wont be surprised if I look back and think I was a jacka** for hanging in so long. Check out the book, especially since your dh is going out of town, you'll have time to read it.

 

[Ceinwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmoothieMom I don't know if any of you read my earlier thread, but my DH and I separated due to some conflicts we were having. We have an almost 15month DD and when I grew tired of his head games I filed for a legal separation with a lawyer and had him served and change the locks. Well then suddenly he was 100% for reconciling and I let him move back home. It is not going well, he is sleeping in the spare room and I have DD co sleeping with me. I guess I don't really have a question I wanted to vent. Is anyone in a similar situation? Separated but under the same roof? He refuses to go to counseling but says he is fine with 'me going' - it will be a 'night out for me and he will look after our DD' : Gee thanks

Yep - BTDT, bought the t-shirt.

It's an uncomfortable situation to be in. Exdp and I are still living together, although we've been legally separated since February 1. He has until July 1 to move out and find his own place.

In your situation, if you feel like there's hope for the relationship or you want to go all in and do whatever it takes to fix it - he has to at least consent to couple's counselling. Otherwise you're just spinning your wheels... Which I'm sure you're well aware of, so here's another hug.

 

[SmoothieMom]

He just left for China on a business trip, I feel like a weight lifted off me. I am getting used to it being DD and me, no drama from him.

 

[BelovedK]

I did that for a long time, it was very hard to actually move on with my life. There were attachments on both of our parts. I know it can be doone, but think about how good you feel when he is gone, and then decide based on that

 

[SmoothieMom]

It is so nice without him here. DD and I have our routine, we play and nurse and she has slept so much better since I brought her into my bed to cosleep and he left. My house is clean, I have time to myself, I am not worrying about cooking for him. I lways felt like a terrible house keeper but now I realize - HE is the messy one. The house is so tidy now, less dishes, less laundey, less 'stuff' around.

I have DD, my sis and mom checking on me, a few friends (on facebook) and a mom/baby playgroup. I'm going to start going to church again - my DH always frowned on that, didn't want to go and was annoyed at me going out because SUnday is his day off and he wanted me home or avaialble to do stuff with him.

He just left yesterday and I dread the return in 9 days.