Just a thought- if she had let it slide you could have said something similar either in the moment or later like "Some people believe Santa isn't real but we do". My dd could very well do the same thing and I don't think I would correct her verbally. Maybe just change the topic quickly. I expect the parents of believing kids to do damage control either in the moment with their own child or at home.
We had our first "Santa isn't real" moment and the mother handled it so well!
I thought this was an appropriate post after the one about not celebrating the holidays!
My 3-year-old (44 months, nearly 4!) is quite verbally precocious. She had a conversation with another little girl today and I think she handled it quite well.
We were in the mall, and I was chatting with the mother of the little girl, who is a little older than Libby. She turns 4 in January, Libby turns 4 in April. Not too much of a difference between them developmentally as Libby is precocious.
Libby told the other little girl that she, her sister, and brother were excited that Santa was coming in only eighteen more sleeps. The other little girl balked and said "Santa isn't real!"
Libby turned to us for confirmation, and the other little girl's mum said that Santa is real for some people, and that even if we don't believe, it's not nice to spoil other people's fun.
I was so happy!
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: It was so nice that she corrected her daughter, I was worried she'd let it slide.
My 3-year-old (44 months, nearly 4!) is quite verbally precocious. She had a conversation with another little girl today and I think she handled it quite well.
We were in the mall, and I was chatting with the mother of the little girl, who is a little older than Libby. She turns 4 in January, Libby turns 4 in April. Not too much of a difference between them developmentally as Libby is precocious.
Libby told the other little girl that she, her sister, and brother were excited that Santa was coming in only eighteen more sleeps. The other little girl balked and said "Santa isn't real!"
Libby turned to us for confirmation, and the other little girl's mum said that Santa is real for some people, and that even if we don't believe, it's not nice to spoil other people's fun.
I was so happy!
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I wouldn't 'correct' my kid, there was nothing to 'correct', what she said was true.
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This was a great post. I completely agree.
Originally Posted by phoolove Maybe "correct" wasn't the best word, but I got the idea behind what op meant. I put Santa in with a lot of kid ideas. For instance, if my younger son had a fairy friend, I wouldn't just let my older son tell him "your fairy friend isn't real" because although, no, his fairy friend is not real, and my older son would be correct in pointing that out, my older son would also be hurting someone's feelings needlessly. I would stop my older son and say that if younger son wants to believe, then that is fine, and we shouldn't force him to not believe. In the same way, santa believers should not force santa on those who choose not to participate. I was wondering though, what if the other little girl is precocious as well, then would there be developmental differences? |
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Originally Posted by mommy2abigail I wouldn't 'correct' my kid, there was nothing to 'correct', what she said was true.
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One would hope! lol. I'm trying to find a good phrase for if/when ds tells another kid that Santa isn't real. (I didn't think he would in the first place, and I did talk to him about not telling other kids that Santa isn't real. He only said something after his friend had gone on and on about how if you're bad, Santa brings you nothing but coal. But I don't know what to tell him to say to a kid who is saying that Santa *IS* real.)
I wouldn't want to say that "Santa is real for some people" because Santa isn't real (in the whole sense of "Santa brings toys for all kids" kind of way). But I can't think of an honest way to say something *in the moment* kwim?
Obviously, when *I* hear a kid talk about Santa, I just say "oh yeah?" or focus on what they are excited about- got candy from (mall) Santa, or the gifts they want, etc. But it's more difficult when I'm trying to keep a 4yo from talking about Santa as he knows him (as a fun thing to pretend).
I obviously don't want to tell ds to lie, but I'm supposed to make sure that he stays quiet about the truth about Santa, when other kids are going on and on about how Santa does this/will bring that/brings only coal if you are bad/etc.
Originally Posted by phoolove Is there an in between? Can believers and non-believers find a way to co-exist? |
I wouldn't want to say that "Santa is real for some people" because Santa isn't real (in the whole sense of "Santa brings toys for all kids" kind of way). But I can't think of an honest way to say something *in the moment* kwim?
Obviously, when *I* hear a kid talk about Santa, I just say "oh yeah?" or focus on what they are excited about- got candy from (mall) Santa, or the gifts they want, etc. But it's more difficult when I'm trying to keep a 4yo from talking about Santa as he knows him (as a fun thing to pretend).
I obviously don't want to tell ds to lie, but I'm supposed to make sure that he stays quiet about the truth about Santa, when other kids are going on and on about how Santa does this/will bring that/brings only coal if you are bad/etc.
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It sounds like a terribly developmentally appropriate conversation to me. My kid had the same conversation with friends about God at that age.
That's how she came to understand that not everyone shares our religious beliefs.
If another kid talked about their upcoming holiday celebration and my kid said, "Your holiday tradition isn't real." I'd speak to them about different religious and cultural beliefs.
That's not asking my kid to lie so other people have fun. It's asking them not to contradict another kid expressing a religious or cultural belief.
Originally Posted by Roar If your holiday tradition requires other children to lie in order for you or your kid have a fun holiday. It is time to reassess what that is about. |
That's how she came to understand that not everyone shares our religious beliefs.
If another kid talked about their upcoming holiday celebration and my kid said, "Your holiday tradition isn't real." I'd speak to them about different religious and cultural beliefs.
That's not asking my kid to lie so other people have fun. It's asking them not to contradict another kid expressing a religious or cultural belief.
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I think there is a big difference between saying "Santa isn't real" and saying "I don't believe in Santa". If pressed, I would tell my dc to simply say "I don't believe that." He has a right to have his beliefs respected, too, right?
The same is true for religion, imo. If another child were to go on and on about their own beliefs to dd, I would encourage her to simply say that she doesn't share those beliefs.
About believers and nonbelievers coexisting....I don't think it is usually a problem outside of message boards, lol. I was a non-believing kid who let her best friend believe until she was 10 (as painful as it was for me to listen to her go on and on about santa getting in her house without a fireplace!
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), and dd is a nonbelieving child who has never stomped on another child's santa beliefs. I think it is the responsibility of the non-santa families to teach kindness wrt other children's beliefs. OTOH, I think it is responsibility of santa families to teach their children that others believe differently, and to trust their child to hold onto the fantasy as long as they are meant to (I've heard lots of stories of children who are told by peers/adults that "santa isn't real" and just continue to believe, because that is what they believe. And why not? Why give so much weight to the beliefs of others?).
Originally Posted by DevaMajka Yeah, I don't mind telling ds not to tell other kids that Santa isn't real. But I don't know what to tell him TO say if a Santa conversation comes up. I mean, I'm sure he'll either ignore it or just play along if its just a short statement. But if it turns into another discussion that won't end (that is also upsetting for ds), how do I tell him to deal with it? And I don't know what I should say in the moment in the case of ds saying again that Santa isn't real. (tbh, I don't think he will. He seemed to really understand what I said to him. But...he's 4. You never *really* know, kwim?) |
The same is true for religion, imo. If another child were to go on and on about their own beliefs to dd, I would encourage her to simply say that she doesn't share those beliefs.
About believers and nonbelievers coexisting....I don't think it is usually a problem outside of message boards, lol. I was a non-believing kid who let her best friend believe until she was 10 (as painful as it was for me to listen to her go on and on about santa getting in her house without a fireplace!
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I agree.
Originally Posted by mommy2abigail I wouldn't 'correct' my kid, there was nothing to 'correct', what she said was true.
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Very good ideas. Thanks! (Ds will *happily* change the subject to Spiderman at any time. lol)
Originally Posted by sunnmama I think there is a big difference between saying "Santa isn't real" and saying "I don't believe in Santa". If pressed, I would tell my dc to simply say "I don't believe that." He has a right to have his beliefs respected, too, right? |
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Originally Posted by Mama2Bug I've taught DD to reply to any Santa conversation with "That's nice. Let's go play hide&seek/on the slide/with our dolls." It acknowledges the other kid's excitement and provides a distraction so that they can move on without requiring DD to lie. |
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So you would let your child say something that would upset another child? Well, that's fine, but I'm glad our children will never meet, that's for sure.
I think it's wrong and, yes, mean to shoot down the beliefs of others. A simple "I don't believe in Santa" is fine, "Santa isn't real", to a child for whom santa IS real, is mean and devastating. Of course a four-year-old doesn't know that, but I was glad that the mother could acknowledge that our beliefs are different but equally valid.
Originally Posted by mommy2abigail I wouldn't 'correct' my kid, there was nothing to 'correct', what she said was true.
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I think it's wrong and, yes, mean to shoot down the beliefs of others. A simple "I don't believe in Santa" is fine, "Santa isn't real", to a child for whom santa IS real, is mean and devastating. Of course a four-year-old doesn't know that, but I was glad that the mother could acknowledge that our beliefs are different but equally valid.
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