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<p>We had our little one last night. I am absolutely devistated. I wrote up the story and will paste it here.</p>
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<p><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:calibri;">Well here I am again having to sit down and type yet another story of another one of my babies that has gone to soon. In August we buried our son Emeric and were devastated. I knew there was someone missing from our family. After a great deal of effort I was able to convince my husband that we could try again. In October we went to Las Vegas to celebrate our 9th anniversary. Two weeks later received a positive pregnancy test. Although I was scared to death I was thrilled at the possibility of finally completing our family.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:calibri;">                Nausea started immediately and the pregnancy appeared to be progressing just as it should. My belly even started to bulge a bit (which is not surprising as this was my 8th pregnancy). On wed. 11/24/10 (the day before Thanksgiving) I started bleeding bright red. I was terrified and sure that I had lost my little one. My Dr. and his awesome nurse kept the clinic open late and I rushed in. My husband met me there with all of the kiddos and we did an ultrasound. I was terrified as I climbed up onto the table. The dr. looked at everything then flipped the screen to me and asked if I wanted to see the heartbeat. It was amazing to see that little flutter. It was still disconcerting that I was bleeding but it gave me hope. My husband decided to name the baby pepper as I had a uti that had caused burning like when you eat hot peppers and I liked the idea because it looked like salt and pepper on the ultrasound.  I headed home to rest. The bleeding continued and didn't get any worse or any better. I spent most of Thanksgiving day in bed. It was so hard because I was so worried about the baby. Friday morning I went to I scream Ice Cream to celebrate my two youngest's birthdays. I stayed put but things just didn't feel right. Headed home afterwards to rest.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:calibri;">                About 6:30 I started getting cramping for the first time since the bleeding had started and it was heavier and sharper then I knew that it should be. My husband and I decided to head to ob triage to check things out. Before we got out the door (about 7:30) I went to the bathroom and heard a little plop. I reached in the toilet and grabbed the perfect sack. We called the kids in and broke it open. The baby was absolutely perfect and so very tiny. It was amazing how small it was compared to Emeric who was not even quite twice its age gestationally.  We decided to head to ob triage anyways to make sure that everything had passed.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:calibri;">                The staff was amazing!!! Each one individually told me how sorry they were for my loss with their words and a hug or a squeeze on the arm or hand. I truly felt taken care of. When I left I was given the all clear and I felt so empty inside. This was most likely our last chance  so I am morning my little pepper as well as the little one that is missing from our family.</span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="font-family:calibri;">                We plan on burying pepper in the cemetery with its brother sometime today. I will finish this story later. </span></span></p>
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<p>I am so incredibly sorry.</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry for you, too.</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry ((hugs))</p>
 

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<p>oh, I'm so sorry :(</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry :(</p>
 

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<p>SO very sorry</p>
 

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<p>Crying and praying for you during this period of loss. </p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="mecry.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif"></span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></p>
 

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Discussion Starter #10
<p>just got back from the cemetary. Buried pepper with its big brother. The kids did real well and now I can go see 2 of my babies at the same time. This really sucks and I just don't know how I am going to make it through.</p>
 

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<p>I am so very sorry for your loss.</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry for your loss.  You and your family will be in my prayers.  Be gentle with yourself.</p>
 

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<p>hugs, sorry for your loss, you will make it! Be kind to yourself.</p>
 

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<p>Oh mama, I am so sorry for your loss.  I wish you peace and healing.  You and your family are in my thoughts.</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry!!!! I can only imagine to feel all this hope after your late loss and then lose another one. After my second loss before my daughter I had a complete work-up done to check out what caused the losses. We found out I had developed an autoimmune disease called antiphospholipid syndrome that causes my losses. Without blood thinners I would continue to miscarry. Maybe in due time you want to find out why this is happening? Maybe it will give you some peace of mind. </p>
<p>Sending lots of hugs!</p>
 

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<p>Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. I will continue to hold you and your family as well as your sweet little ones in my prayers. </p>
 

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<p>You have been incredibly brave.  It's hard to imagine what you had to go through.  I'm just inspired by you.  I love that you call the baby Pepper.  I don't know what the right words are to comfort you other than, from one mother to another, I am so sorry you've had to endure this.  You mentioned that you don't know how you'll make it through.  I don't know how one makes it through something like this either, but this made me think of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).  You can youtube it or google to learn the tapping procedure.  You tap along energy lines in your body with a script that calms you...</p>
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<p>For instance, if you find yourself in despair and you're crying and can't seem to get it toegether, you'd decide where your grief was on a scale of 1-10.  You'd tap and say, "Even though my grief feels unbearable at a 10, I am loved and accepted just the way I am."  You repeat the phrase with every tapping sequence and after several rounds, it tends to decrease the intensity of all sorts of negative things (grief, headaches, guilt, paranoia, etc.)  It might help in your situation.  Regardless, I'm wishing you peace.</p>
 

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<p>Crying and praying for you and your family.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #19
<p>these words mean so much to me thankyou mamas.</p>
 

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<p>so sorry for your loss nicole  <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span>  sweet pepper.</p>
 
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