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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
and it totally sucked.<br><br>
I really didn't want to tell them, until like, November, (and I'm serious), but I had a family emergency and we had to go down and see everyone, so we called some people and told them before we saw them. Both are families are in the same town, and we stay w/our ILs when we go down.<br><br>
My family was good. My sister was good even, but my MIL didn't even acknowlege it. My hubby told his dad on the phone first (we wanted to break it to them on the phone first b/c they are <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/moon.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="moon"> s), and he said, "Congratulations, I think" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: And then his mom called us and my hubby said, did Dad tell you the news, she said, and I quote, "yeah, how's work?" And ignored me the whole time we were down there except to try to get gossip out of me about my family--her only source of pleasure.<br><br>
This has been very long coming, and I am very pleased to know that I will not have to subject myself to her anymore and we will no longer be staying at the house. I am thrilled beyond words.<br><br>
Okay, did you follow, I'm starting to think that English is my 5th language or something.<br><br>
Amy
 

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I'm so sorry, mama! What's up with people?!?! I think it might be a MIL thing, mine seems to be jealous and makes rude comments when we're together. Ugh... never in front of my dh, of course. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Anyway, I hope it gets better for you! Glad you're getting out of there! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Amy, I'm not on your due date board (I'm a shameless preg./birth lurker!). I just wanted to offer some hugs though, (((((Amy))))). I know that feeling and it's....blah!<br><br>
I hope the rest of your pregnancy is a fun and lovely time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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That totally sucks. Maybe she'll continue to ignore it and you wont have to share the good news when the babe is born. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> :p<br><br>
I haven't told my family yet either. It's been very pleasant not to have to discuss it with them thus far. (Slightly OT) I'll be mailing an announcement with an ultrasound pic to my sister at the end of the month, so she can break the news. :) The cards I bought say, "All things grow with love..." and are blank on the inside. So I'll paste the pic on the inside and write a little note saying something to the effect of "Our family is growing! Looks like you'll be an Aunt again 'round Christmas time!"<br><br>
I know they will be happy about another babe in the family, but I dread the fighting and nastiness about my pregnancy and birthing choices.
 

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I am so sorry Amy.<br>
hugs to you.<br><br>
I am due with my fourth in jan and decided not to tell family. my sis found out from these boards and was pretty upset. she said "i just can't believe you lumped ME in with the rest of our CRAZY family." I think that means she'll try to be happy for us.<br><br>
i just remember when i told them about ds3 my mom said oh NO really? she actually said oh NO.<br><br>
i simply cannot tell them.<br><br>
if they visit for christmas i will be eight months pregnant and possibly still denying it.<br><br>
maybe i am not giving them enough credit, but your story makes me scared and sad for you.<br><br>
i wish you lots of love from others to make up for the cold reaction.
 

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I am so sorry that you have to deal with that! That is really just so sad! I sometimes wonder if we will have to deal with that once we continue to grow our family. We are only on number 2 right now...and we plan to have many more...so I often wonder what it will be like breaking the news...as we continue to get larger.<br><br>
I hope that it gets better for you and that your in-laws come around!
 

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We, too, are telling our family and getting a slightly better response this time (#4) than last. Maybe they are just coming to see that we are going to do things "our" way and not neccessarily how they think we should.<br><br>
But I still haven't told my mom...and she's stopping by today, so I will have to tell her, in person, when we've told everyone else over the phone.
 

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Both times I was PG my family reacted badly. At least with the second one I did it on the phone, so I didn't have to see their faces. It really sucked. Even though we weren't in the best shape financially, it is still a little baby! YK, how you could not be happy about that?! Of course everyone loves them now, but you want them to share in your joy throughout the pg too.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> s to you
 

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Wow, I am so sorry your families are acting this way. With my first my mother was excited, but all my father said was "oh... I'm too young to be a grandfather, y'know?" I was so shocked! Its a baby for pete's sake, be happy you have another family member at least, come on. And it's not like my dad's in his 30's or something, he was 53 when DD was born. I thought that was such a selfish thing to say.<br><br>
This time everyone has been amazingly happy about it (maybe amazing to me b/c I wasn't). The only person who said anything negative was my 80 yr old grandmother who just can't get over the fact that Dp is self employed and we aren't rolling in cash (how many 27 and 24 year olds are rolling in cash even if they do work a 9-5!?!). But I know she means well and is just concerned, she's just lost the kid gloves with her old age i guess.<br>
The only thing I can say is to be strong and don't let them get to you. There's probably other things they don't agree with you about either, so just add this to the list and try to move on. I wasn't even speaking to my stepmother when DD was born (and actually was fighting with her the whole pregnancy) but as soon as DD was here, she got over it real quick and now calls to talk to her on the phone almost everyday, and grandma Rita is probably her favorite relative (but don't tell the rest of them that!). Once they see that sweet little baby their icy hearts will melt away (it's a shame it takes some people's icy hearts 9 months to do so though).
 

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lovelocks,<br><br>
i, for one, really appreciate those encouraging words.<br><br>
the thing is, though, some people's hearts don't melt when they see the babies.<br>
i think that we tend to value each child as a precious unique individual who brings something amazing to our families and is worthy of our love and attention. we give birth to them or adopt them and cannot imagine our lives without them.<br>
some of our family members however see us as one unit (which we sort of want). they love their grandchildren, but they see them as great to cuddle, shower with presents, hang out with...and they go home. they might spend a LOT of time together but they have a sort of sweeping relationship full of lots of good moments. to many people two children in simply enough. to a lot of people one child is enough.<br>
i'm not trying to generalize grandparents so please don't flame me....<br>
i'm just trying to understand where they might be coming from.<br><br>
my mom only had two and dh's mom had two. they came from big catholic families and can't see returning. my mom used cds because she could not buy sposies and can't see why i'd choose cloth, etc.<br><br>
also i think my parents want the best for me and they know that the more kids we have the more strapped we might be.<br><br>
they try to be supportive, but i think they just don't see the point.<br><br>
also, it will be my last point i think, everyone's fertility is so different. i remember my MIL saying she and FIL used ____ birth control and it worked well enough for her, why were we having a problem. well my sis tried three years without and birth control and just got pregnant at christmas and i have had four pregnancies and two ectopics in six years with all sorts of birth control.<br><br>
wow i am long-winded.<br><br>
does that resonate with anyone?
 

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fromscatteredtribe,<br>
I wouldn't flame you for stating your opinion. I feel like I should say the same thing before I start typing sometimes too.<br><br>
I suppose if i was working on #4, and not #2, my family may not be so happy for us. Dp's family has the attitude of the more the merrier, but mine seem to cut it off at 3 (though 2 is preferrable). They are addicted to "modern" things like BC and think having a lot of kids is something that happens to you, not something you choose.<br><br>
They do not at all understand my decision to cloth diaper, and think I am oddly behind the times with my old fashioned breastfeeding (i think they are just plain grossed out by this), cloth diapers, and homebirth. When my mother and grandmothers were having babies, these were things some women "had" to do (but they still all had their babies in hospitals, come hell or high water!), deffinitely not something they chose to do.<br><br>
Are you Catholic? I was raised Catholic and no longer practice. But I can't get away from the babies are a gift from god thing and feel sooooo wrong using any type of BC. I guess I still have a healthy dose of Catholic guilt. I haven't used BC in 6 years and have gotten pregnant twice for sure, once I am not sure about. You're right about everyone's bodies being different!<br>
I have been very accepting of having as many as 7 kids. As DD has grown my mind has changed and I decided (for a minute) that I didn't want anymore. Of course as soon as I started thinking that way, I got pregnant again! So now I just know that #3 is inevitable and pray he/she doesn't come until #2 is at least 4 yo.<br><br>
We live hundreds of miles from both of our families, so even if our parents wanted to have a deeper relationship with our kids, they really can't. The only ways they can really show their love for DD is by mailing her presents and spoiling her when they visit. Talking to a three yo can only get so deep over the phone. I think its kind of sad b/c I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up (she lived 5 minutes away) and learned a lot from her. It was a really special bond, and DD just doesn't have that. Her grandparents are like a novelty to her.
 

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I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortanetly my experience is a bit backward. The only time I get ANY miniscule of respect from MIL is WHEN I'm pg. She's thrilled & can't shut up about it. Once the baby is born I'll be back to being a second-class citizen. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
It sounds like you live kinda far away ~ maybe you can just not interact with her anymore than necessary. To keep my sanity, I make DH talk with MIL all the time. I LOVE Caller ID. I don't answer the phone when it's her & make DH return any messages she leaves. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
Wish there was something else I could say or do! Hugs!
 

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Amy, that is just horrible <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I know how you feel tho. DH and I just weren't financially ready for the one we have on the way now,but we are still very happy about it. Our families weren't supportive at all.<br>
I really wish we had waited to tell them, but we made the decision to move for financial reasons and I had to explain the rush and snap decision somehow.. My mom is happy about the baby on the way...but constantly telling me how worried she is about our financial situation.<br>
Its sooo annoying, I just wish someone in our family could be unconditionally excited for us!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thank you so much for all the encouraging words. michray, I think you hit the nail on the head w/the unconditionally happy comment. That is exactly how I feel.<br><br>
At least we know that next baby they will not find out until the baby is born. Its just so much easier that way.<br><br>
Hugs to all of us w/crappy families <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Amy
 

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ugh! like if worrying about any situation that may not be viewed as 'perfect' is going to make things better? this is why we haven't told my parents yet either. i don't really care if they know or not, i just don't want to hear their unwelcome comments and we can't avoid them. mostly my mom really. my dad will be worried about our finances, but won't say much of anything either way. my mom is always offering tons of advice on stuff i have told her i *DON'T* want her opinion on. i'm tempted to tell her "next time i have no intentions or interest in what you have to say, i'll remember not to ask" but always bite my tongue instead. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
dh's family on the other hand, we told right away and they're very happy and excited for us. except they're the ones who are thousands of miles away in chile <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">
 

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My situation is a little different. My mil knows, and wants a girl. (Looks like we're having a boy) My sil knows and thinks that our child will take attention away from her son. (Yes, I heard her say it)<br><br>
I haven't told my father, but he also hasn't spoken to me since I got married. I am kinda debating whether or not he needs to be told at all.<br><br>
My mother passed away several years ago, and my father has really only been a part of my life (albeit a very small part) since she died. He's in law enforcement. He's a racist. He's under-educated. He's emotionally and physically abusive. He doesn't have one positive relationship in his entire life, and generally, He's just an all around awful man.<br><br>
I guess I'm coming to terms with the idea that his influence in my child's life would not be positive, even if he were a part of it. Sometimes I think that the only decent family I have are the ones I've picked for myself.
 
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