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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Tain has been asking to nurse. Every time it happens I think it is an isolated incident, but it is getting to the point that it isn't. Last night when we were going to sleep he pulled out one of my breasts and just touched it and looked at it and put it really close to his face, almost like he was going to try to nurse anyway. That hasn't been the first time, he has become very interested in my breasts lately, if I am going to take a shower or changing my shirt, he touches them, especially the nipple and we talk about how that is where Rowan nurses. I don't want him to be weirded out about bodies so I try not to be. It is very strange and I don't really know what to do about it. My first instinct is to let him, but he has kind of an addictive personality and he doesn't take well to change so I am terrified that I will let him try and before I know it we'll be nursing again. I weaned him for very valid reasons, like he sucked way too hard and he couldn't seem to nurse without locking his jaw and clamping down with his teeth-a problem we'd had since birth that never got better no matter what I tried. But it is so hard to say no and it gets harder every time. He takes it well and I keep it lighthearted, "no, you're a big boy now and big boys don't nurse!" (In a playful tone, like he was joking). But the yearning look on his face when he asks is just killing me and the wistfulness in his face when I say no is just as bad. Like he needs to have that unconditional love and closeness without me trying so hard. Cuddling him just isn't the same, he doesn't want me to cuddle him and even when he does, I don't know how to describe it, it's just not as close and serene. I feel him needing to be a baby, needing to have a couple minutes each day where he is the only thing that matters to me and he is the most important thing but he won't let himself crawl on my lap and cuddle for a few minutes instead of nursing. I feel him floundering and there's nothing I can do. I can sense that he wants so badly for it to be the way it was before Rowan was born. I feel like I am losing him but I can't change the way things are. It is almost like I betrayed his trust when I gave birth to Rowan, then weaned him. (I did try tandem, but Tain and I were having too many problems and it just wasn't working. I think Rowan was 2 or 3 months old when we weaned. I really believe we would have weaned then regardless of whether or not Rowan existed) I can't force him to accept the changes in our lives and I can't force him to accept a new form of connecting. So I sit here and watch him feel so alone and it makes my heart ache.
 

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Reading your post really does not give me a good idea of what kind of support you are hoping for.

Personally, I consider your DS to still be very much a young baby with a legitamate need to nurse. I would try it out and see what happens.

If you do not want to nurse him, though, I'm not sure there *is* much more that you can do besides be there for extra cuddles, be supportive of his moods, etc...

Good luck,
Kay
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Um, he'll be 3 years old in March. Maybe you thought I was talking about my baby? Oh, probably when I said we weaned when Rowan was 2-3 months old. I mean we weaned when his baby brother was 2-3 months old. Tain was 2.5 yr.

To be honest, I don't know what I am asking for. I am not sure I am asking for anything. Mostly I am hoping someone will tell me I have not lost his trust forever, that I have not made a huge, irreversible mistake. I can't start nursing him again, our nursing relationship was really dysfunctional, there were lots of tantrums, he wouldn't eat "real" food, and it was physically painful for me no matter what I tried. It was a good time to wean. I think I am just shocked, I expected that he would distance himself as a teenager, I didn't expect that he would do it so young.
 
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