[marie1080]

Hello everyone! I am new to the forums but have been lurking for a few weeks. I am expecting my first child in November and am attempting to educate myself about breastfeeding (and many other things!). I'll be going to my first LLL meeting next week, I've read a few books and a lot of websites on breastfeeding, and these forums have also been REALLY helpful in answering my questions.

However, one biggie remains

:

It took DH and I about 1.5 years to get pregnant (feel very very lucky). Without getting into all the nitty gritty, I do not ovulate with drugs. We very much want 3 or more children, although we realize that may not happen.

DH and I are now starting to discuss when we would want to begin treatment to conveive #2. (getting ahead of ourselves a bit, I know!) We are having a really tough time making this decision because there are so many factors involved. There are a few things that we are totally convinced of-

1. We know that our fertility issues are likely to get worse, not better, with time.
2. We agree that exclusive breastfeeding until at least 6 months, with continued breastfeeding until at least 12 months is a minimum for us.
3. Neither of us feels comfortable with using any fertility drugs while I am still breastfeeding. We have been told that it may be safe in some situations, but we aren't convinced and would rather err on the side of caution.

We feel some time urgency, but at the same time, there is so much evidence to support the huge benefits of continued nursing until age 2+. Also, what if we decide to stop breastfeeding at 1 year, and then I am unable to get pregnant again anyways? Or what if we wait until this one self weans at age 2-3 (guessing) and then we've waited too long and the baby factory is permanently shut down- even with medical treatment... And then, how do we weigh the best interest of the child we already have with the child we don't have yet?

Our current tenative plan is to wean at 1 year, and immediately start treatment. Hopefully I have a great milk supply during the 1 year and I can have a whole lot of milk pumped and frozen. Neither of us feels entirely comfortable with this plan. But we also didn't feel comfortable with weaning at 6 months or at 2 years.

I know someone out there has been in this situation! How did you make a decision? What factors helped you make the decision? When did you stop nursing and start treatment? Anything else that might be helpful? We are kind of to the place where we feel like NO decision will be a good one.

Please help!

Sorry this is so long, and thanks for the input!

 

[BelgianSheepDog]

This might not sound the way I want it to, but as someone with a brand new baby...once your baby is here, outside, in 3-d, you'll feel differently about this. The second and third kids will be theoretical, but this one will be very, very real and you will want to make her life as absolutely perfect as possible. It may seem sensible to wean this baby early to conceive number two now, since they're both sort of theoretical. When you've got a real, chubby, wiggly baby in your arms, theoretical kid number two won't seem as urgent.

 

[hunnybumm]

I hope I can help a little though I don't personally have fertility issues. First off, just because you had a hard time conceiving #1 doesn't mean you won't be able to conceive #2. You didn't go into details but I assume it's a diagnosed medical issue, so it may be just as hard. Though I have had 4 friends so far who had a lot of issues with #1 and a different situation with #2+.

I personally believe that nursing is the natural way of knowing when your body is ready to have another baby. Some woman get their periods right away, others don't have a cycle for 2+ years. There are some things that can effect that such as co-sleeping, artifical nipple use (pacifier, bottle, etc), working mom, starting solids, etc.

Also, you can start TTC naturaly while you are still nursing. You can nursing all the way through your pregnancy as well. I conceived #2 and #1 nursed until I was around 7 months, then he self weaned from there. It depends on the baby/mother.

Fussy baby, I can't type all that I wanted to. But hopefully others can shed more light for you.

 

[Susuhound]

oops double post

 

[Susuhound]

I didn't have any probs conceiving sophie, but have been trying fo r around 18 motnhs for number 2.
I 'could' nightwean her to see if it makes it more likely but there is no guarantee that bf'ing is the reason for no baby at this point. having a 5 hour break in 24 hours is supposed to increase chances. If you have been having regular periods for more than 4 months then it is unlikely that bf'ing is affecting it. I know of some women who have continued to bf a toddler while taking fertility meds but I don't know all the details about that that.. When it comes to hypothetical #2 then I agree with the pp. I feel that if Sophie needs me so much she isn't ready to self wean or reduce feeds then she probably isn't ready for a sibling kwim? and if bf'ing is really reducing my fertility then i just have to get on with it and meet her needs. Some days that's a little hard to accept but it's how I feel mostly.

 

[Sagesgirl]

I have to agree that there's no guarantee that you'll have difficulty conceiving again. I, personally, have PCOS. It took about 16 months to get pregnant the first time, during which time I had a whopping 4 cycles (and was told I probably wasn't ovulating; that it was breakthrough bleeding). You can tell from my signature that the problems did not repeat themselves.

Moreover, I know a lady, also with PCOS, who needed fertility drugs the first time around to conceive, and then conceived naturally 4 months postpartum while exclusively breastfeeding twins, and before AF returned (for "normal" women, the chances of that happening are minute!).

Beyond my personal experiences, all I can say is, wait. As has been said, that new baby will totally change your life. You may feel called to adopt, or you may find yourself content with one child, or you may hit a year and not be able to bear the thought of weaning her and so conceive naturally. If your problem is hormonal, as mine is...it seems that breastfeeding helps regulate one's hormones surprsingly well. I know that nursing traditionally is held to decrease your chances of conception, but in my case I truly believe it helped me, simply because it aligned my hormones properly. (In between getting AF back after having DD#1 & conceiving DD#2, I had perfect, regular cycles for the first time in my life!)

 

[phoebekate]

This is a bitter choice with no easy answer. DD#1 was a very happy accident, I come from a very fertile family so I had always accepted that I would have that accident one day. Thus secondary IF took us totally by surprise. For a lot of the time we were ttc#2 with ART I was thinking about breastfeeding and when to wean to start ttc again, my thoughts were similar to yours. DD#2 is 4 weeks old tomorrow and by the end of our ttc journey (clomid, clomid IUI, FSH OI, IVF & one FET) our perspective on ttc#3 had changed quite a lot, partly due to the diagnosis that finally came right at the end and partly due to how hard the pregnancy was as a result.

In my case I don't ovulate while breastfeeding any significant amount and once I do ovulate I loose my supply, so in my case there could be no feeding while ttc or during pregnancy. When we didn't know about our infertility I assumed I would wean #2 at a simillar age to #1 - 2 to 2.5 yrs. When we had been ttc #2 around a year and were just starting treatment my thinking was similar to yours - start weaning at 12 months, expect it to take a few months, hopefully be ready for treatment by around 18 months. Now we want another 3.5-4.5 year gap if we try for #3 at all, so back to plan A.

You don't say how old you are or how long you were actually in treatment for to conceive #1, both of which will obviously effect your decision. But some things to think about -

1) I completely disagree with BelgianSheepDog regarding planning ttc #2. The fear/pain of primary IF is that you might never hold your own baby in your arms. Secondary IF it's will your child ever have a sibling, it's not knowing what to say when they ask for a baby, it's watching THEM hold back tears when they hear another friend has a new sibling. As much as I loved feeding DD#1, and now DD#2 there is a point at which giving them a sibling becomes a greater priority than giving them breast milk. The tricky part to figure out is WHEN is ttc more important than BF?

On the other hand:

2) ART is HARD, it's hard to do with a 3 yr old (let alone a younger child) and it' hard ON your existing child.

3) If your fertility problems cause difficult or high risk pregnancies then think about how you will manage with a baby, crawler or toddler. I was forbidden to pick up anything heavier than 2kgs (4.4 lbs) from the day my pregnancy was confirmed (3.5w) until I delivered, also no exercise - my DD was 10 times that weight so I couldn't pick her up, push her in the stroller, or on a swing, I couldn't run around with her or walk everywhere like I used to. And I was sick, seeing Drs, or asleep most of the time. It was only managable because DD#1 was old enough to understand and to WANT a sibling badly, and because she was in preschool 4 days a week.

4) Our worries about age gap were clearly influenced by our fear there would never be a #2. As soon as we did conceive we were suddenly VERY happy about the 4yr4mth gap both due to the difficult pregnancy and due to how gorgeous DD#1 is with "my baby", and I will get to parent #2 much more like #1 than my friends that have had 2 littlies at home together.

5) We were determined to have two children pretty much whatever it took, one way or another. We have agreed that the physical, emotional and financial cost of ttc#2 was too high to do again. We would still like 3 and I imagine we will try again, but we won't try as long or go to the same lengths (we will never do another IVF stim), if it doesn't happen we can live with that. You may find that doing ART twice changes your perspective on #3.

 

[ds2003]

marie1080 your situation is just like mine. It also took us 1.5 years to get pregnant. Our DS is now 8 weeks. My BF goal is to make it to 1 year. Anything beyond that will be a bonus. My 1year mark has not to do with TTC#2..it is just a goal of mine. I may keep the morning and nighttime nursing after the 1year mark. I work outsde the home and don't plan to pump beyond 1 year.

Anyhow, I had a c-section and was advised to give my uterus 18 months before TTC #2. So we should be weaned before TTC. If for some reason we have not weaned, I probably will, but I'll wait to make that decision whent he time comes.

I think you should wait until you are ready to TTC#2 to make the decision. If you start ovulating on your own while BFing then you make not need to wean. If you feel BFing is supressing your ovulation then you may choose to wean. So I say wait and weigh your options when the times comes.

 

[OTMomma]

I concieved my first with no problems- however I have been ttc my second for 2 years now. I started ttc when my dd was still nursing, and I thought it might increase my fertility to wean her, but she wasn't ready- so I waited. We weaned together at a pace that made sense to her and I both. She has now been weaned for 9 months, and I'm still not prego. I've realized my second child might come to me through adoption. But I will NEVER regret nursing my daughter as long as I did. At one, she was still a baby, at 2 she still needed the comfort it brought when she was having trouble sleeping or was sick- its wasn't just a simple food choice.

Mom to mom- parent this baby you are having with all your heart and wait to wean until it makes sense to you and your child.

I wish you a blessed birth!

 

[Deir]

haven't read other replies so hopefully not repeating anything. I went through 2 and a half yrs of infertility before conceiving then suffered a m/c then conceived again in 2 months. I was still frequently nursing Myles at 15 months when I became pg with Frankie. We were "trying" but really didn't expect it to happen quickly if at all. We were so thrilled amazed etc when it happened after 2 months of ttc. Anyway- your body does amazing things when pg and pp. Don't feel that you need to wean necessarily. I nursed Myles until he was 20 months at which time we gently weaned him from his last morning nursing sessio0nm. I would have tandem nursed if I felt at lal the weaning wasn't going well.

 

[marie1080]

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses- I really appreciate the input. Several things were mentioned that I had never considered before. So, more food for thought

I am a big time "planner" by nature and like to have the "right" answer for every situation, lol. I need to work on that

 

[alegna]

I believe very strongly that all babies have a birthright to at least 2 years of the milk created for them. I would not deny a living child that right for the possibility of a future child.

-Angela

 

[bri276]

Quote:

Originally Posted by phoebekate 1) I completely disagree with BelgianSheepDog regarding planning ttc #2. The fear/pain of primary IF is that you might never hold your own baby in your arms. Secondary IF it's will your child ever have a sibling, it's not knowing what to say when they ask for a baby, it's watching THEM hold back tears when they hear another friend has a new sibling. As much as I loved feeding DD#1, and now DD#2 there is a point at which giving them a sibling becomes a greater priority than giving them breast milk. The tricky part to figure out is WHEN is ttc more important than BF?

well I have secondary IF and I completely disagree. My child WILL be an only child, and while I realize it wasn't your intention, this post is pretty hurtful to someone who can't have any more than one child (and who does not qualify to adopt for various reasons). Also, not every only child is desperate for a sibling. My DH and my best friend are both only children who were (and are) happy to be so and did not beg for siblings. And, I would be extremely surprised if a two year old cried for a sibling every day (which, in my opinion, would be the minimum bf'ing goal in this situation).

to the original post- I'm glad that you have set 12 months as the minimum goal. I think when you reach that point is when it would be a better time to reevaluate. Two years would be more ideal for health and brain development- cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

[hajenkatt]

I have severe endo and it took three years to concieve dd. I exclusively bf'd her for six months, and as many moms will tell you--bf-ing is NOT a reliable form of birth control.

When looking at ttc options for #2 (bc my medical situation will only continue to deteriorate) I was told by my specialist that we had a 6-12 month window to get preggo without any interventions. I ended up getting pregnant in December (still bf-ing) and am now about to have #2.

My advice, nurse as long as you can and as long as the baby wants. I would have happily nursed my dd through this pregnancy, but she weaned herself at 13 months. I don't know if the pregnancy changed the flavor of my breastmilk or what but NOTHING I could do would convince her to nurse anymore. Time of day didn't matter, position didn't matter. She finally would just put her mouth almost to my nipple, look at me in the eyes, LAUGH AND GIGGLE, and then run and keep playing. Whaddya do?

If she wants to pick nursing back up again once her brother is here, that is great. The point is, bf-ing will PROBABLY not interfere with your ability to get pregnant. And depending on what your condition is, a fertility microscope may be a good way to track your ovulation.

Sorry to ramble. Hope this helped some!

 

[BeeandOwlsMum]

I think you should wait to make any decisions until the baby is here, you have adjusted and you have an idea what you are really talking about.

It took me 4 years to get dd here. And I am already thinking about a sibling. But I am also allowing myself the time to enjoy her first. You don't have to make plans yet, you have some time. You may feel differently about things once baby is here, or you might just feel like basking in the moment. I know I did.

Give yourself the time to enjoy your new baby without throwing the ttc roller coaster into is as well.

 

[hunnybumm]

I agree to wait for any reason decisions until it's closer to the time to TTC#2. When #1 was 7 months old I got a very strong urge to want to have another baby. A couple months later we started TTC, a few months later I was preggo. Now #2 is 8 months and I have NO desire for #3 yet (we do ultimitaly want 3 or 4). I don't know if it is because DH is in Iraq and I KNOW that I couldn't get preggo even if I wanted to. Or that I currently have an IDU. Or that I am staying with my mom while DH is away. I dunno, but I do know I don't want another baby right now. No desire what-so-ever. We had planned to wait 3 years or so for #3. But who knows how I will feel by then.

As long as you don't have any time issues where you have to conceive within a small amount of time, just go with what you feel is right.