Wear any gay indicators when you are out with child?

Usually the fact that DP and I present together with DS is enough to get the message across without having to do anything else... for me, unless there is a specific reason I need to make sure it is known, I tend to go about my business without thinking of it. I just am who I am, and to make assumptions about me... well, the typical assumption is that I am a young single mom I've tended to notice. I look so much younger than my age (24) and people often tell me I'm too young to be a mom... because they think I'm a teenager. : I think though, that if anyone stops to listen to myself and DP carry on, we obviously sound like a couple.

Does anyone else get funny looks if you go shopping all together and your DP pulls out the check to pay for baby items? I get that one all the time.. apparently people's first impression is that I'm mooching off of a friend! Anyway, that's totally O/T...

DS has a couple outfits to indicate our "proud" family... you know, "I love my mommies", and rainbow wool shorts. I find that helps make a statement if one is needed.

Ok, I DO wear a rainbow ribbon pinned onto my purse or jacket most of the time.

I also feel invisible Kincaid, as far as being recognized as family. And since I'm just coming out, I don't quite feel like I fit in yet or something...

I don't see it as fake, because I wear it to support the LGBT population as a whole. Heck, I might even wear it if I weren't gay, much like people wear pink ribbons to support breast cancer even if they haven't HAD breast cancer.

And I wear it cuz I know that when I see chicks with a rainbow necklace on or whatever, I DO kinda flirt with them or smile to let them know I KNOW, and that's kinda fun.

Oh, and I definately let my dd wear her rainbow clothes a LOT more than other outfits. Now we need to find a rainbow umbrella for all this crazy MN rain!

Peace.

I have a rainbow sticker on my truck, but that's it. I've never thought about having another item -- but I think I rather like the idea because I, too, like knowing when the person I'm talking to is family and maybe other lesbians feel the same way. Hmmnnn.....now to decide what I shall choose as my rainbow accessory.

My daughter is 15 (and is currently in a lesbian "relationship" herself [which is hopefully temporary -- <the person, not her gender>]) and though she is basically 'out and proud' at school, it is a different story when it comes to me and the public (and her peers). She does not like strangers "to know". I dunno -- I've analyzed and asked and, for right now, it just is what it is. She's 15.

WeMoon~ I'm in West Central MN. Are you going to Pride this weekend? I am! It will be my first one in the cities. I'm freakin out. And the Pride Ball is at my hotel. I'll be in heaven....IF I actually get up the nerve to talk to some women.

Now....should I wear my "I Ellen" shirt, rainbow belt, ribbon, shades, and purse? Maybe just my ribbon....

Wow, there's a bunch of us from MN here! Kincaid, do you live in an area with a lot of lesbian and gay families? I wonder if that makes a difference. We don't have children yet, but I see and recognize lots of lesbian and gay moms and dads around here. Some of it is assuming (as a PP described - noticing certain dress, hair, etc) but also b/c I've seen people at queer events. But we joke our neighborhood is gayby land - I have doulaed for two lesbian families within two blocks, and know of *at least* 15 families within 6 blocks - and that's just those I know of!!

Yes, I live in a VERY gay area. The Advocate named my city in the top 10 per capita gay populations (and we are a small city in the south). There are more lesbian bars in my city than in Chicago, if you can imagine that. The two dads with the Quintuplets live here, they were on Dateline NBC.

That is the problem, there are plenty here but I don't seem visible. I don't look young and spikey haired and rockin any more (my old Ani t-shirts got too many holes and I threw them away!). I also don't look like a middle aged softball playin butch either. I just look like any mom you'd see at the Gap or in a yoga class who is toting around a baby.

A month ago I was taking the baby with me to a bookstore, and two ***** ran up to get the door for me. I smiled and thanked them but you could tell they did not "recognize" me at all. : I wanted to say "Hey! I'm one too!" But in what context do you manage that?

Kincaid- How about "Thanks, hey you look familiar. Didn't I see you at (local gay hangout or event)?"

I think that's why I wear my ribbon. I want to advertise, cuz it's not really apparent.

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I hear you. I look like fairly femme and probably straight too, except I have 6 gauge earrings (i.e. big holes) but I even the jewelry I wear in them makes them not that noticeable.

I'm not a mom yet, but I doula for a lot of queer mamas and I see this happening. Here we have an ECFE group that is just for LGBT parents, so that is cool. Don't let having a kid keep you away from stuff! I don't know about where you live, but here there are lots of "family friendly" (both kinds of "family", hehe!) events and I am always glad when people bring their kids. Do you go to any kind of gatherings with other lesbian moms? There are a lot of casual pot-luck kind of things here.

I second (or third) the bumper sticker/ribbon things. As you said, you don't wear things that express other parts of your identity, but maybe those are different or not as important. People wear signs of religious faith sometimes to let other people know, and many of us wear wedding bands, but I don't feel being a knitter is a really important part of my identiy like my sexual orientation is, kwim? Especially if you want to connect with others.

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West Central... I used to live in the Willmar area for awhile. I still get up there... you should PM me where you live and maybe next time I'm up we could meet up. I'm not going to pride. I was invited to go, but I don't really want to go.

And yea... just the ribbon :LOL Hope you have fun!

OT: Hey, my great-grandfather is from Mankato, but may have been born somewhere else. He was part Chippewa and part Swiss.

No, I don't wear anything obvious, but I do have short hair. I am bi and seeing a man right now, so I guess I'd be less inclined to make political statements when I merely dating casually and have no idea what gender my future partner will be

I don't really notice if I do or not. If I feel like wearing a rainbow necklace or something I will, if not, no. I usually don't now that I think about it, coz I'm not wearing much jewellery due to grabby hands.

My car has a rainbow sticker. And I'm out in my community, so most people I know know I am gay.

I am not visible to strangers these days, as my hair is long now and I am toting a babe. So a few times I have smiled at lesbians and they have looked weirdly at me.

There was a mama with short hair and tie dye swimming with her boys the other day. She looked at my tattoo (two women symbols) and smiled. I think she is a ****, and that made me happy.

Luna, promise you won't make fun....

I think the main thing that holds me back from sporting the rainbow gear is that I don't want to look like a newbie again. I BTDT 15 years ago, the whole geeky trying to come out so wearing something noticable (like my Indigo Girls t-shirt for the 10th day in a row to class). When I see someone at the mall or wherever with a rainbow pin on, I think... "awwww! she just came out! how cute! she is looking for a girlfriend so she has her pin on". : I think that cause it's what I did myself at one time.

When I went to our local Pride picnic two weeks ago, I had people who KNOW I have only ever been with girls see me with a baby for the first time and assume I started swinging both ways. Baby=sex with men. That is the default way of thinking. I think even all rainbowed up, other gays may assume I'd gone back and forth. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) But I have been with my partner quite a while and it's not a flattering feeling to have someone looking at you and your kid thinking you got knocked up by someone else, KWIM? We have a group of lesbian moms in my town trying to connect, but it's slow going. We all are feeling similarly out of step with the rest of our clan now.

I am starting to think this is about coming out again...ugh. About coming out as a lesbian mom. I don't wanna do it again........ :

Kincaid~ I'm such a newbie then! : I think with time, I will feel it's more just a part of who I am, but for now, it's all-encompassing and I am pretty proud to be out.

And since I was married and got my dd from (ack) sleeping with a man, there are a lot of people who don't know I'm gay/assume I'm straight.

Now if only I could come out to everyone... I haven't told any of the parents of the kids I watch, but that's because I feel no need to. (Though part of me suspects one mama might be queer too...)

Any ideas on how to bring together some queer moms for a group of some sort? I'm sure there are some here in my mid-sized city and would love to connect.