[No2Circ]

It's my Saturday night pity party.

(Except that I don't actually drink.)

I've been to two wedding receptions this week. They both depressed me horribly. I see the look the groom has on his face for the bride, and it makes me cry. Not happy tears, like I should be crying, but sad, pitiful tears because that just isn't in my marriage, and I don't know if it ever will be. It's a long story about all the reasons why, and it's as much my fault as my dh's, but it is what it is.

Dh usually gives me one-armed hugs. Not because one arm is broken or anything, but because that seems to be all the affection he can muster up for me. (The kids usually get big hugs from him.) Then he gets mad when I try to point it out (nicely). But that's just another indication of where we are.

Dh works out of town, and I work full time as well, so we don't see each other a lot. I'm sad when he's home. I'm sad when he's gone. Of course I would be miserable single, and my kids would be miserable with us divorced. So I feel stuck. I do love him and he is a good father.

So, is it a really bad sign that weddings make me so sad? I mean I know that it's not a great sign or anything, but is it really bad?

Thanks for listening.

PS. My only advice to myself would be "stop going to weddings!" But I can't actually do that, you know--not completely.

 

[MaterBum]

I don't know that I have any terrific advice, but I didn't want to read and not respond.

Now, in an odd way, I think it's a good sign you feel this way at weddings. I mean, it suggests you know what is possible and you want it (right, you could be just mad and bitter, but you're not). So, I'd challenge you to find out what you can do about it!

I am in my second marriage, so I know the pain of an unhappy relationship and of divorce (though there were no children involved). The fact that you still have sadness suggest to me a longing, a desire for things to be better different, so it ain't over yet, imo. I knew I was done when I just didn't care and couldn't cry any more.

So, I hesitate to suggest this as I really detest most of what Dr. Phil says and stands for, BUT his early book Relationship Rescue really is a gem imo. Get a copy. Do some of the exercises. See what you could do on your end to try to put the relationship going in a different direction, for you and for your kids. Invite your DH to do it, too. There are exercises you build to at the end to do together. They sound corny, but they really do accomplish some things. Anyway, this book really helped me tremendously.

Hugs. I hope your marriage takes a turn in the direction you dream of soon.

 

[No2Circ]

Thank you for your kind words. I honestly don't know that our marriage is "fixable" in the way I want it to be, but perhaps it's enough to raise children and be friends most of the time.

 

[lilyka]

when I go to weedings I have to fight the urge to tell the bride to run. seriously. I haven't been able to bring myself to attend one in over 2 years.

good luchk with your marriage.

 

[littlehalo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilyka when I go to weedings I have to fight the urge to tell the bride to run. seriously. I haven't been able to bring myself to attend one in over 2 years. good luchk with your marriage.

I have felt that way before at weddings too. I think it depends on the status of my marriage at the time, whether or not I can be happy or sad for the couple.

To the OP...stop going to weddings!