I was having lots of fears and stuff last week because of the mw's locally trying to prevent me from birthing the way I want with my doula. Feeling much more centered now and better.
I cleared the month of June for REAL PREPARATION for the baby. I mean, I've bought most of what I need, but there's still so much to do. Babyproof now rather than later when I see the baby doing something unsafe-that kind of thing. I am starting to cook meals to freeze for after the baby is born and making snacks like mixed nuts, etc. that are good sources of protein that don't even need to be heated up. I have been buying boxed meals and things for the past month and putting them in the garage so I don't eat them all beforehand too, so that will be a help.
Besides preparing food in advance and thinking about babyproofing, any ideas of what I might want to do???
after a rough Friday last week, had a nice and fairly restful weekend.
looks like we're getting a Forester, DH and salesperson were wrestling w/car seat seeing about install, looks good, we'll wrap it up this week hopefully, AND DH arranged his schedule at work so he can bring me in, AND I negotiated to reduce my work schedule, yay us! feeling much more sane.
so Saturday, I wasn't feeling so hot, and it sort of reminded me of how I get sick with my period, so I got pretty wound up, (even though I thought it was just over tired/hot & muggy tummy trouble), and what do I do? call my midwife or doula? No, I shower, SHAVE MY LEGS (!) and pack a bag for the hospital, in addition to mixing up some aromatherapy spray w/my essential oils!!! I'm a nut. I could just see the Universe, saying, ha ha, so you're not "ready" the way you think you need to be, here comes BABY!
so now, I'm really feeling pretty ready, at least on the material end of things...DH was astonished when he got home, esp. that I'd shaved my legs. He thinks he remembers hearing that his mom did that when *she* was in labor w/him, while his dad freaked out.
a couple of friends brought a low key shower to me, that was really more of a visit where they brought yummy food, we all caught up, admired friend's 2 mo. old baby girl, looked at our gardens, and they gave us a few things for baby. had nice shower at work last week, and another group of friends is getting us last weekend in June...we are very blessed with kind people in our lives.
so I guess you can tell from my email that I'm much more centered and calm. I hate when I do the stress spiral like last week. I'm *very* relieved about my work schedule.
So now it's become REAL NC weather, 70 degrees at 7:30a.m., humidity started up over weekend, it's due to be 90 today, goodbye anklebones!
Hmmmm, dreams. I've been reading Birthing From Within, and am at the part where she talks about using birth art to help identify and process fears about labor/birth. I have a deep-seated (knee-jerk, emotional) opposition to doing this, because I "can't draw". I'm sure this is indicative of all sorts of "issues", and means it's something I should pursue, lol. But anyway, I think reading about fears surrounding labor/birth, led me to have the dream I had a few nights ago ....
I dreamt that it was nighttime and I was getting ready for bed. I walked over to the bedroom window to close it, and someone reached through the screen and grabbed my belly and then my crotch area. It was so real that I slammed my legs together in my sleep (which woke me up). I felt really scared and violated, and I think I'm having serious fears about my needs/wants/wishes being respected during birth. Not necessarily because I've chosen a "bad" place to give birth (birth center inside a hospital), but because I was raised in a family where my needs and wants were constantly derided and disregarded, and I've internalized the message that they're "unimportant". I've done a lot of work in the past 5 years to try to undo this, but it isn't always easy, and I still struggle with convincing myself that my feelings/needs/wants/etc. deserve to be respected and honored. AND taking the steps to make sure this happens.
Now add in that the mainstream "birth industry" is notorious for NOT honoring or respecting mamas, and I think it's triggering all sorts of fears in me. I'm choosing to birth in a place that's sort of a grey area between mainstream and alternative, so I'm a little scared of how that will go. Also, who knows what will happen (breech, complications, etc.) and things may go such that I end up in L&D, and then I'll really be at the mercy of the mainstream way of things.
I don't think the solution is necessarily to change my birthing plans. But I do think I need to spend some time understanding and processing these fears, or I suspect they may seriously impede and inhibit my labor. So I'm glad they're surfacing for me now, and I plan on spending time talking to dh and my doula about them. Hopefully I can find a place of peace.
Other than that, it's HOT here. Hot and humid. We finally turned on the A/C yesterday, but we have that "interruptible" service (they turn off our A/C when electrical demand is high, and in return we get a reduced rate), and sure enough, we spent a few miserable hours yesterday. I suspect we may be "unvolunteering" for that service in the near future!
I assembled my Snap 'N Go last night, and trotted around the house with the car seat on it. It's hard to believe I'll be using it to haul BABY around in less than 2 months (hopefully!).
Work sucks, but I keep chanting "four more weeks, four more weeks, four more weeks". As you can see, I'm a little eager to be done with work :LOL .
Chocolate cravings have been on the rise, although I've limited myself to very small, very few pieces. It sucks. I just want to gorge myself on the stuff!!!
Baby is still moving a whole bunch. I think I finally got some foot action under my ribs yesterday afternoon. That's the first time that has happened, and I have to say it was less than pleasant :LOL . At least it means she isn't breech, though
1) we've moved back into our old condo, someone else is already living there, AND another couple from our childbirth class are moving in TOO. I think to myself, how on earth are we going to do this, and then envying other couple because they have all their gear and are totally ready.
2) I'm back in Maine in the winter, yet my workplace is there too, one of the faculty is trying to ship personal items through the mail packaged completely inappropriately, and I have to deal with them, and risk being late for bus. I'm very pregnant and wearing fancy shoes trying to get across snowy street to where I think bus stop may be. the bus is an old delivery truck of some sort, and an old friend of mine is on it with her kayak. she feels my belly before wrangling the kayak off at her stop.
Forgot to say that dh fixed and I cleaned the dresser we garbage-picked, so I can finally put all the tiny outfits away!!
We also went to a garage sale with a ton of kid and baby stuff. Only got a few outfits, but we picked up a gate, a cute cloth book and some really awesome old-fashioned wooden toys. I also got one of those crib "tents". We have 3 cats, and I'm super-paranoid about them getting into the crib (when and if we decide to use it). Especially since my one cat makes a habit out of sleeping on my head, and if he decided to do that with the baby, things could go really badly. But I refused to spend $70 on one of those things!!!! So I was thrilled when they had one at the garage sale that looked brand new for $10! Whoo hoo!
I've given birth and am nursing the most perfect little baby, I look to see the gender and see it's a girl-I realize that I'm early and that I do not remember giving birth at all! My husband is busy getting ready for work and I'm trying to ask him questions: when did I go into labor? have I delivered my placenta yet? did the midwives come? are they here now? did we use our birth kit? did I use the kiddy pool? shouldn't I be bleeding? shouldn't I remember what happened? He was distracted and I remember at one point he answered that he wasn't sure if we used the birth kit (the big box full of homebirth supplies sitting in our living room), because I hadn't explained to him what that stuff was for yet so he didn't know what to do with it. Plus he said that because I delivered early he wouln't be able to take his paternity leave until after my due date so had to go to work! I was really distressed, but felt silly because there she was-attatched to my boob-obviously healthy and ok so what was I complaining about?
I've been thinking about this dream all day and it makes so much sense to me and my situation. It suddenly feels like everything is speeding toward the finish line and I'm barely able to keep up.
What's up with the two threads?? I saw that one posted at 8:20am and the other posted at 8:21am... I was confused!
I haven't had any powerful dreams. In the beginning I had a few dreams about a premature baby, and I thought that maybe it might mean I would be, but so far, so good. No baby yet. As much as I'm anxious to have the baby and meet him/her, I'm also trying to enjoy this time I have left in regards to feeling the baby's movements and my freedom in a sense, you know?
I had a dream one time that Chris and I were in New York City and that I had had the baby and that I was busy doing other things and then I'd remember that I had the baby and I'd go back to find it and Chris would be with it. I've had a few where I'm all caught up in something and then remember that I have a new baby and that the baby needs to breast feed...
I have a friend who is sort of psychic in a sense... she had a dream recently where I was at a festival and that there were all these people following me around - she didn't know or recognize them - she thought it might have been family or something. It could have been symbollic of all of those who are thinking about us... Anyway, then I told her that I was close and that I would have the baby soon. She said aout an hour later I had the baby and that it was a good birth and the baby was perfect and a girl. She said that she had always imagined that the baby would be lighter in hair and skin tone, but that it was darker like Chris and had dark hair. She said that while I was in active labor I asked Chris to go and get something for me and while he was gone, I had the baby. She told me not to let him out of my sight when I'm in labor. She didn't want him to miss it. Quite a few friends of mine have had dreams about the baby... but I haven't had any real vivid ones... yet.
Oh, and Chris's new job started today! Yay! It's almost too good to be true - it's perfect for him and the pay is good and it has full medical benefits... We definetly feel blessed.
Chris's parents are coming out this weekend to help us repaint the apartment and steam clean the floors. How nice of them.
Dreams.....I just have really weird nonsense dreams, but they are more abundant than ever. The strangest was I was walking home from the bus stop, I was in HS, and I saw a plane, it was spuddering out, and then it crashed in the field across from my parents house (used to be empty field, now has houses) There wasn't any explosion, everyone was ok, just a lot of dirt thrown around, but all the people were from the past, like before airplanes were invented, which is why they didn't know how to fly it, and they wanted to talk to my parents about what happened. I was terrified in the dream though, totally freaked out, and then shocked that nobody was hurt, I was confused in the dream as to how they found the plane, and how they came to be in my "time". It was an old prop silver plane and all the people were in some type of crew.
I've only had a few dreams where I am pregnant, and I rarely have "current" dreams, I always seem to be off in a different time or place in my life.
Other than the crazy dreams all is well, I had an OB appt today, I have one more in two weeks and then I'll be going every week. Baby isn't moving quite as much as he had, but I may not be able to feel all the movements, he is in perfect position now, which is a releif, he was heads up till two weeks ago.
My dh is wrestling around with names now, he's not too sure on Acelin, which is fine with me, I told him we can wait till the baby is born to 100% decide on a name. He likes Rawley, which I'm OK about it, but I also like Peirce or Peirs. I really like Acelin, but if he's not too keen on it now, at least we have plenty of time to change it. But he also sometimes picks out really sucky names, that I will DEFINATELY not go for!
The boys are in their second week of summer vacation, and we al have colds, ICK, it's hot and humid, and we are glad to be stuck inside.
Dreams - I keep dreaming about the birth and although we're booked in at the hospital things are going to happen so fast that we don't have time and I end up with a homebirth with best friend and dh there - maybe that is too much of a 'dream' for me. After last week's disaster at the U/S I'm feeling much more positive - had it out with dh, told him how disappointed I was with him and has made me scared that he won't necessarily do what I expect him to do at the birth! He was shocked to say the least - maybe that's why I'm dreaming that my best friend will be with us!
Anyway dd pulled her elbow out again yesterday and we spent the best part of the afternoon in the hospital getting her sorted out!
I have washed all the baby clothes I need for the first while and we are in the process of getting a basement to put all our junk in and therefore get dd's room more organised. We also ordered a new bed - thank heavens don't know that I'll be able to manage another 2 weeks on the floor though!
Best friend returned from the US with my cloth nappies - yippee, and beads - I'm doing a birthing way - been reading Birthing from Within as well - rather than a shower on the 9th July - am really excited we're going to make birthing bracelets with beautiful beads - candles, massage - can't wait - we're getting the little girls to join in as well so that we can sort of introduce that sort of thing as a cultural normal thing to do. Oh and I'm going to do a belly caste soon - at the end of this month I think and we'll do some of the finishing touches at the Birthing Way - it's really given me something else to focus on - love it.
Anyone else got something like that planned?
I've also started organising dd's birthday party for the beginning of August because I don't think I'll manage to do all that after the babe is here, so am quite busy - but nicely so.
I had a Mother's Blessing a few weeks ago. It was wonderful! I had women I know and love come to my home and we sat in a circle and they gifted me with offerings for a birthing altar. Mostly the items were small things because at the time I sent out the invitation I didn't know whether I would be having a homebirth or going to the hospital-but everything was really special. It's an event I will NEVER forget-one of the high points of my life.
I'm sure your event on 9 July will be special as well ewe+lamb. It's also really nice to see you inviting littler girls to participate and learn that this is the norm. I had a couple of friends with children, but really too young to participate in the event and all the rest of us who had children have children who are basically grown up-or boys (or boys who are grown up!).
Hm, I don't remember any specific dreams. Oh wait, yes I do. I dreamed DH was flying an airplane! LOL Kinda weird. Though, his dad is a pilot. Well, anyhow, we had to crash land and he crash landed us quite well on a golf course. That was it. I was awoken at 8:30 this morning by the hospital calling for more info on dd's sibling prep class this weekend. Argh.
I was super crampy last night. Really, really low pelvic cramping and back cramping. Thought it might be something, but turned out, it wasn't.
Leosmama - sounds like you could be getting close!!!
Pom - don't know how you can function today. I'd be tempted to call in sick!
I'm also tired today, though not due to any dreams. I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping since that little boy died. I'm wide awake for several hours at a time during the night. It really sucks.
Today I reorganized my bedroom, set up the cosleeper and am working on laundry.
Went to the OB for my appt yesterday. I've started to dialate 1-2 cm, efface & all that good stuff. Still haven't lost the plug though - do you always lose it or can you be in labor without it coming out? Baby is engaged!!! WAHOO!!! Hopes are that I have the baby in the next two weeks. I agreed with the OB after my own research that if the u/s shows a weight of over 9.5 lbs at 38.5 weeks that I will have a c-section. Babies of insulin dependent diabetics apparently put on a lot of shoulder weight, and all I want is a safe baby. However, we will not *take* baby before I naturally go into labor, so that his lungs will be fully developed at delivery. I've been having lots and lots of BH...really really wanting them to progress to real contractions.
OMG, MoD, you're having a BABY! Did you know that?! Holy moley.
OMG, WE"RE ALL HAVING BABIES!!!!!!! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!? WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO GO?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Ok. No lie, but I just realized my anniversary is in 2 weeks. How did that happen? DH seems to have remembered however, so that's good.
MoD, Call in sick? To home? Bahahahahhaahah. I skipped the gym, does that count?
DD actually let me lie half comotose on the couch for half an hour. That's something. I woke myself up cuz I heard running water. She was transporting little pitchers of water from the (running) bathroom faucet to the wooden kitchen in the livingroom, washing her marbles and drinking from the basin (filled with marbles and god knows what else) with a plastic spoon. Ummm....no.
Now we are LEAVING THE HOUSE!!! I WILL run an errand to the paint store. I will. I will. I can do this. I can.
I am having one of those anxious moments - actually days - sitting here at work thinking about how I'm 35 weeks and how this baby will be here soon. I've talked with the baby a few times asking her/him when they are planning on arriving. I even wrote out a few tentative labor projects that I can undertake in early labor:
-String the beads we received from out baby/parents blessing.
-Make a dish for after the birth, like a casserole or a fruit bowl or something yummy.
-Make a CD for birthing.
-Wash baby clothes and bedding.
If all else fails, I suppose that I could clean the house, er, apartment. It's funny... I totally have the nesting thing going on - wanting the house to look nice for when the baby arrives. But I'm so freakin lazy - I'm dreading painting and cleaning the carpets this weekend. It's like I want the end results wihtout any of the work. Ugh. My belly itches.
Oh, and I discovered deep squats last night. I had been doing squats, but they ain't nothing compared to what a deep squat feels like. The belly goes right between the legs with the back straight and the feet flat on the floor. It's a feeling that's hard to describe, but it feels gooood. My belly button was poking out all funny-like.
Anyway, just had to get some of this anxious excitedness (is that a word??) off my chest. There are still more htings that I want to do before baby gets here, like a belly cast and Birthing from Within classes...
Just checking n briefly. No weird dreams here - well no baby-related dreams. I dream very vividly, actively and WEIRD all the time, so it wouldn't be abnormal to have strange ones!
I just did the Landmark Forum this weekend (and have my followup tonight) and am exhausted. Wow is that a powerful course. Learned so much about myself and now I am SOOOOOO ready and excited for this baby!!
Got out and washed all the receiving blankets and newborn clothes, so we re ready. And I discovered that my dear cousins gave us 36 (that's right THREE DOZEN) newbie cloth all-in-one dipes w/ liners!!!! WOW!!!! I thought they had just given us a few! I'm so happy.
Also, a friend and I are going to co-host a blessingway for ourselves as we are due about 8 weeks apart. cutting it close time-wise for me, but it should be fun!
Just a thought on using the u/s estimate - I'm sure you know this from your research, but third trimester ultrasound weight estimates are notoriously inaccurate - in fact studies have shown both the caregivers estimate from palpation and the mothers own intiution to be more accurate. I've had doula clients make decisions based on weight estimates from late term ultrasounds and be very upset afterwards when baby was either much larger or much smaller than they were told. I hope that doesn't sound pushy of me to say, but whenever I see something like that it makes my doula-senses fire a warning!
Pom ~ The thought has crossed my mind as to where we'll put the cast(s) - deal with that later, I guess. Not much room or storage in my lil apartment - maybe we'll just hang em on the wall!
Wow, Melina, 36 cloth diapers!! That's awesome. My mama is supposed to be buying us some here pretty soon. I'm thinking that disposable might be appropriate for the first week or so while baby's little system cleans out - we'll see.
I'm also thinking that it might be due time for Stella (my kitty) to get some shots before the babe's arrival. She's gonna hate me something fierce for doing that to her...
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