Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,264 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Holy cow, I just realized I'll be into my THIRD trimester next month. How can that beeeee?<br><br>
Welcome to the second week of March, and in my part of the world, that means longer days, earlier light, later dark, yahoo! It just makes me so dang happy. All week it's raining and I don't even care because it's in the 60s. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I can't wait to get the boys outside more often, take more walks, go to the farmer's market, and hit some garage sales!<br><br>
Here is your question, mamas. If we run out of steam, I'll add another halfway through the week. Thanks again for you ddc members who are sending me these contributions.<br><br><b>What we are doing to prepare our older children for having a sibling, or another sibling. I don't want to exclude the first-time moms, maybe how they're preparing their DHs or inlaws?</b>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,039 Posts
it is going to be in the 70s this weekend here! i am soooo excited to get started working on my garden. we're also going shopping for a bigger car now that we're going to have three kiddos in car seats instead of just two.<br><br>
we are actually doing quite a bit to prepare our DD for birth and beyond. since we're homebirthing she will have the option of being around for the birth as long as she wants to or hanging out with her aunt elsewhere if she prefers. We have found some good children's books about homebirth and read them regularly. She's already seen all my birth videos from my childbirth ed class i teach. we talk about the babies all the time and what they'll be like. she gives me belly massages with cocoa butter and talks to them too. a little later on, i plan on "practicing" laboring around her during the day so she can get comfy with some of the sights and sounds of labor before it happens.<br><br>
as far as other family-- we actually haven't told my parents about the twins yet. they live close and are nervous enough about a homebirth. i already gave them a big packet of info about the safety of homebirth and that helped a little, but twins at home would just send them over the edge and i have selfishly decided that i don't need that added stress right now. i think i will tell them before the birth- maybe around 36 weeks- b/c by then we will be all set for the birth and i wont care so much if they flip out. we'll see if we get away with this as my belly gets huge-r and huge-r <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
834 Posts
It's supposed to be in the 70's this week, which I was thinking was surprising until I remembered my last two weeks of pregnancy with Adia. Speaking of which, she's going to be two on Tuesday! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
As far as preparing, we've been doing a lot of preparation for the birth. We've looked at pictures of mamas giving birth, and I've tried to get her ready for that idea first. (We're having a homebirth.) I wish I could find some birth videos to show her too. I have that on my list of questions to ask my mw next visit. I'm not sure exactly how to get her ready for baby, other than to tell her I'm going to need her help with showing the baby how to do things. We've also been talking about sharing "bees", which she's glad to do already. (If she's nursing and I ask if she'll share with the baby, she grabs the bee she's not eating from and stretches it down toward my belly! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) She points out every baby she sees and gives hugs/kisses/etc. to my belly.<br><br>
The only real preparation I'm having to do with my family is to repeat that they will not be taking Adia to their house for two weeks following the birth so that we can get used to the new baby. I'm not sure that DH's dad even knows about the homebirth plans. (MIL figured it out from my Christmas list of books.)<br><br>
It's funny that this is this week's question! We're had the meeting on this topic in the series at LLL yesterday.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
My son is 6 so he understands very well what is happening. We talk about the baby a lot and we have some of the "standard" kid's homebirth books like "Welcome with Love". He attended the u/s and has a good grasp of what is going on and is very excited.<br><br>
We aren't going to talk too much about the labor and birth details until it is much closer. This is because we aren't telling anyone about the home birth. I don't want him to mistakenly tell anyone. So as the weeks approach I will discuss it more candidly but I'm being a bit vague right now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
834 Posts
Oh, and I forgot to mention that she's getting a baby doll for her birthday from us and "Welcome with Love" from one of her grandmas. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,300 Posts
We have been talking a lot about the new baby. I'm having a hospital birth, so don't need to do as much preparation as I would need for a home birth. I plan to talk about the pain of labor and how mom will be acting because I don't plan to leave for the hospital until the last minute (or until dh's head explodes, whichever comes first!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> We have three dds and the older two pretty much know what to expect. The youngest is three and I may take her to the little sibling class at the hospital, so she can see where mommy will be going. We have a few books and I will probably get more as the time gets closer. We've talked about the fact that Nana will come stay with them and that Daddy will come get them as soon as the baby is born, so they can come meet their new little brother. They are helping me pick out things for their little brother. My oldest dd has picked out his crib set. (Although he probably won't use it much, the other 3 never did). My middle dd will go with me to shop for an outfit to bring him home from the hospital.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,548 Posts
You mean to tell me that the third trimester is just around the corner??? This pregnancy has gone at light speed for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I have a dd who will be about 18 months when her little brother or sister is born, and I'm really not sure about preperation for her. I talk about babies when we see them, and when dd nurses I talk about sharing with Little Baby (that's what we're calling him/her now!). I'll be birthing in a hospital, but we would like dd to be there (at least nearby in the waiting room if I birth during the day) and if she isn't there, we'd like her to be brought to the hospital very soon after the birth. Does anyone else have suggestions about what I could do to prepare her, or will things be okay?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,736 Posts
hmmm to get them ready.....<br><br>
I try to talk about the baby often or at least everyday. I tell them that i will need their help. DD1 is more then willing to help get dipes and stuff like that. She is even willing to rock the baby. DD2 knows where the baby is but is still a be confused. We are reading them one book of pg/birth that we found in french but i can't find anything else. So, we'll see if i can find others.<br><br>
My friend will have her baby before mine and when we will go see them, i will certainly talk of how it will be at home etc.. by showing her baby to them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,396 Posts
One of the first time moms here...........<br>
Its kind of a challenge trying to prepare my dh for this baby. I have a feeling it is going to be a gigantic shock to him. He has a day job and runs a business in the evening so he works about 15 hours a day. Trying to find the time to talk to him about the baby is like pulling teeth. I try to share tidbits from my parenting books but he usually just gets defensive, like I think he isn't going to be a good father when I'm really just trying to get us on the same page about things. <sigh><br>
Anyway, I've been TiVo-ing House of Babies on discovery so that he can see some nice calm waterbirths, and he is very into getting the HypnoBabies course so that we can practise together. I've been a bit of a nag about getting the nursery started. Since it'll be so nice this weekend I'm going to do a massive clear out of the room and transfer all the storage stuff to the garage so we can paint and rip out the carpet. I think he thinks he has all this time but really I'm starting to feel the crunch! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,349 Posts
April, I hear ya on feeling the nursery preparedness crunch! hopefully our ds will be home in about 8 weeks (or less-fingers crossed) so it's definitely crunchtime in our house! we bought all this very nice unfinished wooden furniture for the nursery with money from various relatives-um-downside is it needs staining-DUH! so we've got to get on that and quickly!<br>
the only preparing for ds that we'll get to do is really just love him up and bond/start the attachment process asap so he feels comfortable with us before the new baby makes an appearance. as far as preparing dh...yikes! no really, he's great and the long weekend we had in guatemala with ds really opened his eyes as to how intense and all-consuming this will be!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,333 Posts
We had beautiful weather last week and the week before, however it snowed 6 inches in an hour this morning!! We're supposed to be getting snow off and on for the next week! Great for the skiiers, but for those of us whose balance is a wee bit off and stuck in a basement apartment with a 21 month old...ARGH! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I am 24 weeks today and can't believe it!! We are preparing Seth by reading lots of books about new babies. I got him "Welcome With Love", "On Mother's Lap", and "My New Baby". He really loves those books. He's learned that "baby come out Mama GINA!". Yeah, that's exactly how he says it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: He cracks me up. Yesterday I let him watch the end of his birth video, the pushing and him being born. It is his new favorite movie! I don't love it so much. I tore SO badly with him that i can hear it in my voice as he is crowning and the head coming out.<br>
Poor kid looked at me like something was REALLY wrong when he heard me screaming as I was pushing. I had to keep telling him that is what Mamas do when they have babies. It helps them. Then he was ok with it.<br>
While he won't be at the birth, I think it will help him to get ready anyway for this baby sister!!!<br><br>
Speaking of tearing...I saw my midwife this week and she very gently reminded me to do my kegels. I really didn't do them with Emma or Seth and I really regretted it. So, I am doing them LOTS more! My goal is to make dh jump because I'll be SO STRONG! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,463 Posts
Amy - we're having the same weather. I also can't wait to get outside.<br><br>
I am 20 weeks this week! Halfway there. The third trimester seems worlds and worlds away! But I'm feeling the baby all the time, and it's one of my favorite things in the whole world.<br><br>
So far we have been talking a lot to the girls. Preparation goes into high gear now - we've decided that DD1 will be with us at the hospital, so we're getting her ready for the birth itself. She's coming with us to the US tomorrow. We are not finding out the sex - it will be DD's job to announce it after the baby is born <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Later she'll attend the sibling class at the hospital, where they show all the rooms and equipment etc. We're planning a waterbirth again, and she already knows that DD2 was born in "a big bathtub". DD2 is still pretty clueless - she knows what a baby is but she doesn't get that there's one in my belly or that they come out the GINA! She'll be at her grandma's when the baby is born. In a couple of weeks, grandma is keeping both girls overnight for us - OMG we will have our first night alone together in years! We're heading to a B&B about 45 minutes from here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mischievous.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="mischief"><br><br>
When we get a little closer, and my belly is good and huge, I'll take DD2 to a LLL meeting so she can see the babies nursing. I did that with DD1 and it really helped her with the transition. She loved seeing the babies, and she was happy to let the baby nurse peacefully after she was born. Hoping for a repeat on that one.<br><br>
I would love to get some recommendations on books for both girls, having to do with new babies AND birthing. I've never seen "welcome with love" but I'll be checking it out, and would appreciate other recommendations!<br><br>
April, my DH was similarly sensitive to any comments I made about the bigness of what was happening. He finally admitted to me that he was worried that since I had "all this experience with kids" (I'm the oldest of 5) and he hadn't ever held a baby that he wouldn't be good enough. He asked me very nicely to just not tell him what to do, but let him figure it out on his own. I was able to do that, and he's just the best Daddy I could imagine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,505 Posts
Another first-timer ...<br><br>
I've been preparing the in-laws more than I have DH. DH is used to my being on a soapbox about birth and BFing and the like, so I didn't need to prepare him much since getting PG (he'd heard most of it in the 3 previous years we'd been married!). However, I've been "training" my in-laws ever since getting married! We both knew we didn't want kids right away, but we would eventually. So, I set out to prepare them for what I'd be like as a daughter-in-law and a mother by talking about my sister who already had 3 kids when we got married. I let them know she BFed until the baby wanted to stop, she co-sleeps, she had a homebirth last month, etc... Just so that when I do the same types of things it won't be unexpected. I haven't had any flack about doing a birth center birth or about my not wanting any bottles or any other non-conventional things. So, either my "training" program is working or I'm talked about a LOT behind my back (probably the latter, but at least I don't have to hear it)!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,333 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Miss Juice</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">DD2 is still pretty clueless - she knows what a baby is but she doesn't get that there's one in my belly or that they come out the GINA!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Ok, here's a little explanation! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> In the book "Welcome with Love" it shows the babys head coming out. Mom is being supported by Dad and standing up. Seth looked at the picture and said, "Baby come out Mama bum?". SO, I had to explain to him that no, babies come out Mama's vaginas. Why do I have a harder time saying that word than I do penis? I don't know. Anyway, that is wehre the whole Baby come out Mama GINA! came from! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
861 Posts
chilly but sunny weather here is keeping me in good spirits. i had the spotting scare last week and a bout of low blood pressure (apparently something nice called the "2nd trimester dip" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">), which led me to worry about passing out. now that i'm understanding what's going on, i'm doing great and feeling good these days, too. i'm under orders not to lift anything over 10 lbs for the next two weeks ... but my 30 lb toddler doesn't really think that's a good idea. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
preparing. well, most recently, z seems to have become quite taken with two great little books. one is an all-picture board book called "my new baby," by anne kubler. it has pics of baby nursing with older sibling snuggling up ... of mom nursing new baby with dad & older sibling making dinner ... of dad, baby & sibling going for walks ... etc. z "reads" this book to me or dh saying that the big brother is him, and either of us is the mom or dad in the book, and the baby is "our new baby." the other book is called "hello baby!" by lizzie rockwell. this one has illustrations of baby inside mom and of baby growing from conception to birth, as well as other sections on bringing baby home (and mom going to leave to have baby, which may or may not resonate around here), umbilical cord/belly button, baby crying, etc.<br><br>
z seems to be very curious about what is happening with the baby ... he got to use the doppler all by himself to find the heartbeat at my m/w appt. and he's quite impatient about when the baby is going to come out and how. we haven't decided (nor will we until the last moment, i expect) whether he will be at the actual birth or not, but we're going to test the waters (since things have been going well thus far and since he's interested) with some of the book recommendations from here and a couple of videos my friend's m/w recommended ... if he takes to those, we'll see.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,264 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>luckymama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">z seems to be very curious about what is happening with the baby ... he got to use the doppler all by himself to find the heartbeat at my m/w appt.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
that's sweet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
My midwife "checked" Ryan's heartbeat on her first visit and since then he expects it each time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,812 Posts
Good thread! We've talked to DD about the baby in mommy's belly but she always seems a little confused... I guess she's not sure how that could be when she can't see it!<br><br>
Not sure how else to approach it. When she sees newborns she's always very fascinated and I tell her that is how big her baby sister will be... but again, it's all theoretical at this point! She's just 2 so I'm not sure how much she's absorbing.<br><br>
Looking forward to seeing other responses on this one...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,407 Posts
My dd is still pretty little. So I'm not entirely sure how she can be prepared. We tell her that she's going to have a baby sister (but we've been telling her since the beginning(sister/brother) not just since we found out it's a sister).I've read her some books at the bookstore. She's not very interested though. I introduce her to tiny babies whenever we come across them and I tell her that's what our baby will be like. I also tell her often that she will always be my baby. No matter what anybody says. I'm afraid family members will try to grow her up quick when we have the baby. I also just started babysitting for a newborn. I tell her this is what it will be like when we have our baby. i let her help as she chooses. She actually does well with the baby. She's amazingly gentle with the baby. I say amazing because she's normally a bulldozer. I don't know if she gets any of it, but it makes me feel better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
We aren't doing any very formal preparation of my girls, but the oldest is so interested she is constantly talking about it, asking questions, wanting to see pictures. At the moment it's a tie between dinosaurs and babies in her top subjects of interest! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> So we are kind of just going with it, feeding her curiousity with information as she asks for it. My younger girl (I almost said baby, but she is almost 3) is very sweet but the idea of a new baby is not consuming her. Both girls love to talk to my tummy, both want to give it a kiss goodnight everynight. My oldest talks about nursing a lot - she wants to pretend nurse a little bit lately which she hasn't in a long time - it's bittersweet for me - holding her in my arms like that such a dramatic comparison to the baby it feels like I nursed just yesterday. We also look at a lot of pictures of babies nursing - that's probably the biggest fascination for both girls.<br><br>
I found with Margaret that nothing really prepared her for Alice's arrival, so I'm not stressing a whole lot over it. If they were going to be present for the birth, I would be more proactive, but since they aren't we are just gliding along on the steam of their interest.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,264 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>carouselrider</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
I found with Margaret that nothing really prepared her for Alice's arrival, so I'm not stressing a whole lot over it. If they were going to be present for the birth, I would be more proactive, but since they aren't we are just gliding along on the steam of their interest.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
This is our experience too. My 11 and 8yos are 2.5 yrs apart and I made all the regular efforts to prepare the older - books, videos, talking, role-playing. I'm not saying those are bad things or useless, but in HIS case, it didn't seem to help. He was still pretty blown away by the birth and the new arrival <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I think missing out on hearing mama in labor will be a plus this time, and in our case, not tandeming is going to make things easier. I'm also hoping the big brothers will be a good distraction for the toddler.
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
Top