Mothering Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just Kill me now!

The guy across the street rented out his house. We were sad to see him leave, but happy that the house rented out so quickly.

The new neighbors are a single father with five kids.

One of those kids is a boy in the same grade in high school as my daughter.

SO, tonight, he starts a conversation about the school bus with her. It was an obvious attempt to strike up a freindship. He's a very nice kid. So, they talked for a while, and pretty soon, two other girls show up. They are all sitting on the back of this kid's pick-up truck.

Apparently, one of my dd's girlfriends asked him if he is Gay. He said "no" but, he is. It's just none of this girl's business. So, she says "Oh good! Because the bible says that's a sin" she goes into deep discussion about her feelings on this. My dd promised me she tried to get her to shut up, but pretty soon, both the first girl and the second girl were in on this conversation. The first girl is very, extremely sheltered at home. She is always saying something before she thinks about it. But, I am a little mad that the other girl agreed with her. I beyond mad that my dd didn't do something more drastic to stop it all.

I talked to her about what she should have done instead. (a little role play for a teenager)

That poor kid, he was so nice about it. My dd said at one point, he even agreed with them.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
6,423 Posts
I'm very sorry that those girls acted this way! I wouldn't be too hard on your dd for not knowing how to turn the conversation around. I'm glad you've role-played with her and it sounds like she now has more tools for handling things like this in future.

I was raised fundamentalist Christian. I would never, never have behaved so intrusively -- but for many, many years I believed the fundamentalist interpretation of the Scriptures. It's only very recently, at 44, that I've started re-thinking this whole issue. I've just read an excellent book -- What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak.

Someone on an email list also gave me a link to an article that makes a lot of similar points. Here's the link, in case your dd wants to email it to her friends (or in case it can be a help to any fundamentalists who may be reading this thread) --

http://www.dldewey.com/bible05.htm

These writings have been very freeing to me -- I wish I'd made this journey a whole lot sooner, but I guess better late than never. While I was strongly opposed to cruel treatment of gays and lesbians -- for many years I felt locked into the viewpoint that the gay lifestyle was a sin.

I'm finally realizing how the mantra "love the sinner, hate the sin" is being used to abuse this group of fellow-humans God created. As Helminiak points out, the real "sin of Sodom" seems to be inhospitality, not homosexuality -- and, sadly, many churches are guilty of inhospitality toward gays and lesbians -- so who are the real "*********" in God's eyes?

Your daughter's friends are a lot younger than me, so maybe they'll choose love and freedom a lot sooner than I did. I hope so!
 

· Registered
Joined
·
5,123 Posts
I understand being really mad and disappointed that the conversation went that way. I'd be upset too.

Are you sure he is gay? I had strong suspicions about someone we know, but even though I was just almost sure... he isn't. At least I don't believe he is now.

Whether your neighbor boy is or isn't, I still think the girl who asked him is painful rude, and I wouldn't be promoting a friendship with her for my kid. Although at their age, you don't have as much to do with it as you do when they are younger.

What kind of person just meets you and asks if you are gay? What business is it of theirs??? It is like asking someone if they are pregnant - they may or may not be, but it is none of your business. They will tell you when THEY want to tell you. I think it is rude to ask and put someone in the position of lying.


I agree with the poster who suggested you dd could still talk to the neighbor boy in private. "Geez, Julie sure has some crazy ideas about homosexuality... I don't agree with her at all, but didn't quite know how to say so. Who's your homeroom teacher this year?"

My dd1 has a friend whose mom is religious, and that girl has learned some things that vary wildly from what I believe. I really like this little girl, and don't blame her (yet - once you are old enough to figure out that your parents' views are not the end all be all then it is up to you to decide for yourself) but still had to put my foot down. My dd was really uncomfortable with some of their conversations, which seemed to continue (this was 4th grade). We role played what she could say but it wasn't seeming to work. I finally had to tell the mom that I really liked her dd, and wanted our kids to be able to continue their long standing friendship, but she would have to lay off the religious stuff. That mom said it was part of what they were taught to do - to tell others, and her dd was just sharing, blah blah. I told her it was causing discomfort for my kid, and it was going to stop or they wouldn't see each other. She told me she wouldn't ask her to stop. I told her I would tell her to stop. But I never had to; the kid's mom must have told her to lay off my kid. And it has all been fine since then - for years now.

I really get mad at hate and discrimination in the name of religion.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top