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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are planning an HBA2C and had a final ultrasound to determine placental position.. just to make sure we were well away from the scar.. here is how it went

The specialist said that my scar was the lowest he has ever seen. I replied, well yes.. my children were quite low and engaged when the surgeries were preformed. So he reports that my placenta is no where near the scar and that everything looked great. He then said that the baby was "measuring slightly ahead" and when was I scheduling my "elective repeat ceserean"? I replied we were not and he went white and looked totally shocked. "Are /they/ ok with that?" "of course DH and I reply" and we leave the office..
Nice.. I like that.. when are you scheduling your ELECTIVE repeat ceserean???

Yeah, well that is why they call it ELECTIVE doctor.. it isn't is it.. and we are not.. thanks...

So, my mother calls tonight for me to look up a medication an elderly friend/client is taking. He really is not well and would like to just die and the Drs have him on something that might just kill him. She was all upset and went off on how Drs are idots and don't have any brains and why should we trust them..
So, I stupidly pipe up "well mom, now you know why we are not just scheduling this birth and trying other things first.."

an innocent comment.. I thought.. afterall she is "behind my HB decision 100%" and laughed out loud when we told her shortly after we decided this... yeah.. well I thought that reaction was totally out of character and man was I right..

So.. this is what I am accused of

I am going to die
I am throwing this birth in her face "as a nurse" (mind you she hasn't been a nurse in 40 plus years)
She hopes my DH has life insurance for me so my 2 surviving children (nice) will be cared for
I haven't shared any info on this with her nor does she know anything about our MW (which is bullshit because I stood in the back yard telling her of our decision 10 weeks ago and offered to give her lots of research on the safety of a hba2c and the risks of ERCS and she said "I have no interest what so ever to read anything.." My DH even remembers her saying this.. and I also remember telling her about the qualifications of my MW, of my doula, of our plans in case of transfer, that we were not taking any risks, that everyone's priority was SAFETY.. and on and on.. )
I haven't succeeded twice before so what makes me think that I can do it this time.. and that it isnt' my fault.. and that she understands.. (sure) and why cant' I just seen an OB and go into labor and then show up at the hospital.. yadda yadda
That she "just has questions" and why can't I just not get defensive.. what if I rupture.. afterall 1% is 1%..don't you know..

and she must have said the whole "I hope DH has insurance for you" thing at least 10 times..

I was really pissed.. so I asked her how her statement (when we told her 10 weeks ago about this) that "well I guess you just want 2 kids instead of 3" was approrpiate and supportive. She admitted it wasn't, but she was being a "Realist" and I was just being "Stubborn" and not living in reality and on and on and on and on..

and then to top it all off.."I have so much on my plate right now with your grandmother, how can you do this to me.." and she then says "have a nice life, I wash my hands of this" and hangs up..

nice.. really nice...

Does my mother have a lot on her plate? Yes she does, but most of it she puts there herself.. much of it is self imposed grief.. "life has never been fair to me"..." it is all your father's fault..." "If you only knew what I went through married to him.."

the whole sob story.. Did my parents have problems.. hell yes.. but there were 2 people there... and they contributed equally to their misery.. trust me.. I lived there too..

And my sister is difficult, has been since she was born.. so I was the "good" child.. I behaved.. did as I was told.. kept my nose clean and head down under the radar.. I don't call my mother to vent about my life.. my problems.. I don't weep and wail about things to her. In fact, I don't think I am close to my mother or my father at all.. I keep to myself.. and then I am accused of "distancing" myself... and now I am accused of "adding to her grief.."

I can't win.. and it is always the same thing.. I am shutting her out.. yet it is impossible to let myself in..

So, now I am trying to relax enough to sleep.. this hasn't helped at all...

Do I want to leave my children motherless? No.. of course not.. but people die in the hospital all the time.. does she think a c/s is risk free?? DO I have my doubts about this? yes!

I really don't think i want her here when I do go into labor.. and Lord help me if I fail.. I'll never hear the end of the "i told you so" comments.. I had a mind to just say "dont' bother getting me a christmas gift.. since you'll just need to return it when I die in January.."

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1,663 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
. I'm still really sad and upset.. I am not sure what is worse.. the fact that I feel totally betrayed by her false positive reaction 10 weeks ago or just the whole lack of support..

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Well, Dh and I discussed it.. and decided that we are not going to ask her to watch the kids when I go into labor. My friends have all nicely volunteered to take the kids and we have several offers.. so if someone is nto available.. then we have a back up. Hopefully I'll go into labor at night when they are sleeping.
I also expressed concern about dealing with her should things not go as planned and I end up with surgery again. And DH, bless him, says.. well since no one will know you are in labor we wait until you are home and then call everyone..
SO I feel better, having a plan. My MW also said that this is a common "mom" reaction and she is happy to talk to my mom at an appointment. I have to think about that.. and will see if my mom is even talking to me
I'm not going to talk to her about this anymore.. but I won't refuse her access to her current grandkids.. no matter how out of line I feel she has been. Trying to take the "high road" and not be immature, like she is..

So, thank you so much for listening and offering support.. It has been a really tough and emotional week.. between the ultrasound freaking me out (more so because it was a Dr's office and he said ERCS) and then my mom.. I am just trying to regain my balance..
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