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I had my first parental conflic today at a toddler group we go to on a Thursday! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
My son was happily playing with this little wooden toy farm. Basically it was a little (and I mean little - smaller than his head in size) toy wooden barn. Has two doors that open and close to it and you can take the roof on and off - so of course something my son would enjoy! (repeat play fascination! hehe)... When another little boy just came over and, grabbed the toy from my sons hands and went to take off with it! My son imediatly fell to the floor in a fit of tears. I am not saying hes the perfect angel of a child...but lets face facts - his personality is what it is. Hes the 'quiet' boy who probably stays out of trouble simply because hes highly sensitive, introvert, and because of all of this - is easily walked all over! - making him appear to be that child is just always well behaved.<br><br>
The room was rather busy and loud - otherwise (and though snatching a toy from another child is just not okay) my son would have just walked off and found something else to do - but because of everything else going on around him he just had a meltdown.<br>
I simply told the other boy who paid no attention to me at all ' I am sorry but my son was playing with that toy...'.... and before I could even finish (which would have been followed by something perhaps like 'lets find you a similar toy to play with/you are welcome to the toy when my son is finished/etc) - His mother must have seen me talking to him, came charging into the room, snatched her son up and said 'HEY - HEY YOU! - I am talking to you! (I was trying to comfort my son at the time as he was rather shook up) - Dont you EVER talk to my son like that again - DONT you EVER lay your hands on him again!'.... All I was able to say before she stormed off was ' I didnt touch your son'... This really upset me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">....I really dont appreciate being talked to that way. And I certainly dont appreciate being told what to do or what not to do - especially on the grounds of something I didnt do in the first place! This house of ours is one lived in consensually - I wouldnt lay a hand on my son so I certainly wouldnt touch anyone elses child!!!<br><br>
I burst into tears and I am still rather upset about it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br>
I guess its just such a foreign idea to some people that children are treated with with respect and if anyone else so much as looks at your child, you are automatically offending them in some way!
 

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I'm sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh good grief! That momma needs to turn it down a notch or five.<br><br>
I'm sorry she made you feel badly, but you didn't do anything wrong.
 

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There are some really aggressive people out there in the world. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I wouldn't worry too much about what she thinks.
 

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your poor momma <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
you certainly didn't deserve that. that woman obviously has serious issues.
 

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You are way nicer than me because I would have followed her to make sure ... ok, I guess that would just escalte the situation and right in front of all the kids. Geez though. What a UA violation.<br><br>
Reminds me of this:<br><br>
I had a mom at Mcdonalds once that I thought was going to manhandle my child. She was reaching into the tubes and screaming "who did it? who did it?" because she thought her child was being beaten. What happened, had she actually been watching was this: an older girl grabbed ds's cheecks and was shaking his head by them, he was laughing. Then ds grabbed this boys cheecks and was doing the same, the boy was laughing. When the mom started freaking out, he started crying, once ds realized something was wrong, he let go. This mom was enraged and I have no doubt she would have hurt my son but she apparently couldnt tell who had touched her child and the other mom there (who was also trying to get up the tubes, to defuse the situation before the other mom got up there) said "I dont know" when asked which child did it (she knew). I could not get to the tubes because of the two moms already halfway up them, but I was right there and would have been up there one way or another if I had to. I was going to go make ds let go, but he already had and he looked stricken. Turns out the child had a tube in his forehead and damage to it could have severly hurt him so I understand her panic but they were just playing and my ds certainly didnt KNOW that he couldnt play with this child as rough as any other and I was in no way going to let her harm my child.<br><br>
Some people are just too tightly strung I guess. Sorry that happened to you. So, when you burst into tears, did anyone else step in? Are you going back to that group?
 

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Well I am sorry you feel badly. That woman should not have yelled at you.<br><br><br>
But very important rule about being with other kids and parents is DO NOT DISCIPLINE OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. I put it in bold because it is that important. Find the other parent first and let them handle their own child. Do not attempt to parent or discipline other people's children, especially stranger's children.<br><br>
And never touch them.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>delphiniumpansy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10818671"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well I am sorry you feel badly. That woman should not have yelled at you.<br><br><br>
But very important rule about being with other kids and parents is DO NOT DISCIPLINE OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. I put it in bold because it is that important. Find the other parent first and let them handle their own child. Do not attempt to parent or discipline other people's children, especially stranger's children.<br><br>
And never touch them.</div>
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True enough about the touching thing. A casual friend of mine once yanked my DD quite hard by the arm for running into her DD by accident. It still makes me mad. However, OP's situation is VERY different. If a kid grabs my kids toy I will often go to the child that did it and ask for it back while maybe substituting something. Often parents are unknown or too hard to find and it's completely acceptable to speak directly to the offending child.
 

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I'm so sorry. I swear people are just too high-strung. I don't think you were discipling the other child per se but there's so many high-strung parents out there....seriously I know me...I doubt I'd be going back. Not saying for YOU not to, but there would be no way...the experience would have been ruined.
 

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I agree, that woman was overboard. That's one reason I hesitate on becoming a member of a large playgroup.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">But very important rule about being with other kids and parents is DO NOT DISCIPLINE OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. I put it in bold because it is that important. Find the other parent first and let them handle their own child. Do not attempt to parent or discipline other people's children, especially stranger's children.</td>
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No one disciplined anyone else's child. A mom asked that another child return a toy. If the other kid's mom was so concerned that someone else had the nerve to SPEAK to her child, she should have been paying attention.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>delphiniumpansy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10818671"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But very important rule about being with other kids and parents is DO NOT DISCIPLINE OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. I put it in bold because it is that important. Find the other parent first and let them handle their own child. Do not attempt to parent or discipline other people's children, especially stranger's children.<br><br>
And never touch them.</div>
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This does not hold true for all subcultures of the US, or all regions, or whatnot. Certainly one should not discipline physically or name call or misbehave towards someone's child. Brief directives are appropriate in my community. Physical discipline would be inappropriate but touching for the purpose of lending aid would be appropriate.
 

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I don't want other people telling my kids what to do. Ok, telling him to return a toy is not so bad, but it would have been a good idea to get her involved. And yeah, she does need to turn it down.<br><br>
A few weeks ago at the play area at a local mall, there was this one mom who KEPT ON telling my son what to do. There was a slide/play area with climbing rocks on the side, and he was goint up the sides, and climbing up the slide part. First, she asked him to not go up the slide. Ok, fine, I can handle that. I caught his eye and gave him that look that says now listen. Then she tells him to not climb up the sides. (It's what they are meant for.) Next time I look she's telling him to go slower up the slide---I'm about to loose my cool at this point, so I just called him over and told him to take it easy and find another toy, since obviously her daughter (who looked to be the same age) who he wasn't even playing with is so *fragile.* (I didn't use those words with him.) I turn around to help DD, and she's on him again, she had so clearly targeted him and his behavior, which was perfectly normal for the time and place, and he was doing the same things the other kids were. I think I said something really loud, like, "This mama wants everyone to play by her rules so just take it easy for a little while. She must be very worried about her daughter" All the time casting her dirty looks. I changed DD and started tying my MT at that point, we might as well get going as it was getting late and I was very mad. (Of course, she decides to leave at that point, but anyway.) Not DD not wanting to get into the MT is a whole nother story, but let's just say everyone knew me by the time we got out of there.<br><br>
But, I do feel like she had NO RIGHT to talk to him, especially repeatedly. On the other hand, I wasn't going to march up to her and start a play area mama bear rumble, either.......
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaEli</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10822033"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
But, I do feel like she had NO RIGHT to talk to him, especially repeatedly. On the other hand, I wasn't going to march up to her and start a play area mama bear rumble, either.......</div>
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You are right- she didn't have any right to continue to direct him, but I am guessing that since you didn't speak up, she assumed that it was ok. I think in that case, I would have politely asked the other mama to stop directing my child. Honestly, the way you handled it was passive aggressive, and just as bad, imo, as the other mom telling your ds what to do.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommy2maya</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10822089"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You are right- she didn't have any right to continue to direct him, but I am guessing that since you didn't speak up, she assumed that it was ok. I think in that case, I would have politely asked the other mama to stop directing my child. Honestly, the way you handled it was passive aggressive, and just as bad, imo, as the other mom telling your ds what to do.</div>
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Yes, maybe that's my problem, I'm passive aggressive. After all, I try to be polite and just tell my child to lay off, instead of walking up to a complete stranger on the other side of the area and asking her what her problem is. Especially since it was just my child she was talking to------which really led me to think, why him? Here's the other thing I didn't mention---he was the only child there, beside the friend's I was with, who was not white. Maybe that had something to do with it? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"> (Can you hear the sarcasm there?)
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think I said something really loud, like, "This mama wants everyone to play by her rules so just take it easy for a little while. She must be very worried about her daughter" All the time casting her dirty looks. I</td>
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This specifically is passive aggressive.
 

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Ok, I had to take a step back........<br><br>
Really, I still feel so bad about this, because it's my job to step up and speak out for my son, and I didn't do that. So I'm still feeling guilty.<br><br>
There. Said.<br><br><br>
And OP----I'm really sorry to have hijacked your post.
 

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It sounds like she's an overprotective nut and she'll have some adjusting to do over time.<br><br>
I'm so sorry this happened to you (and your child). My friends and I are all OK with instructing each other's children, although we are very hesitant to do so and are low-key about it. I have given explicit permission to others -- you may talk to him if he is doing / has done something inappropriate. I know and trust these mamas to have common sense.<br><br>
I think it's fine for you to speak to another child as long as you are calm and positive. I'm sorry, and I hope you find better company to hang with.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NiteNicole</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10821848"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No one disciplined anyone else's child. A mom asked that another child return a toy. If the other kid's mom was so concerned that someone else had the nerve to SPEAK to her child, she should have been paying attention.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: EXACTLY.
 
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