[BensMom]

Not a fun appt with the dr today. He is out of town all next week (stupid holiday!) and only one of his back up docs will even consider a trial of labor for breech. Add to that, the babe is getting bigger, the fluid is getting lower and the baby has made no progress into my pelvis - still very high. All not good signs for a successful breech delivery. Its like waiting will only give me a slight chance of a successful birth, since the odds keep stacking against me. My cervix is high, my bishop score is low, so even an induction is not likely to succeed. Even my HB MW was telling me that home induction methods were unlikely to work based on what they felt.

I do have a call into the Dr to see about trying Cervadil tonight, since it did send me into labor with my DS. And if it doesnt work, we go ahead with the Cesarean. At least that would be one more potential "out" before we go under the knife.

I could wait til 42w, but then there are just so many what ifs. So much to think about. So much to worry about. I am getting opinions from all over the place. Just when I think I am at peace with one decision, I think of another consideration. And then there is the eternal conflict of all of my book knowledge that seems to conflict with my emotions when its happening to ME.

So in all likelyhood, I will have a baby by this time tomorrow. Sigh. I should be happier, no? Why do I feel so beaten down? So broken? So indecisive?

 

[crazy_eights]

I'm sorry. Couldn't read without posting. Good luck, whatever you decide.

 

[babykaoss]

probably because you were hoping for a chance to try and because the thought of surgery can be intimidating. there's NOTHING wrong w/ your apprehension. i'm willing to bet that all of those feelings will melt away the second you hear that first little baby voice!

hang in there mama, i wish i had something wise or comforting to say to you!

 

[Frigga]

Best of luck to you. I think what your feeling is perfectly normal, I know I'd be disappointed too.

 

[crsta33]

These last few weeks have been so full of ups and downs, major considerations and decisions that it's absolutely no surprise you feel the way you do.

I'm hoping you find a sense of peace and calmness in all this. And I'm excited that there will be another little November baby in the world very soon...I'm looking forward to hearing about the arrival.

Hang in there mama, we are all rooting for you.

Christa

 

[Awaken]

Thinking of you, Jenn- I hope the cervadil works, but even if not, you'll be seeing your little GIRL very soon, and can't wait to hear your news!

Hang in there, mama.

 

[PicnicBear]

Yes, we all are rooting for you and I can only imagine the roller-coaster of emotions you've been on. Some people would have "given up" long ago. If you do have the CS I'm sure it will go as well as possible given that you have done so much work getting the best Doc and learning all you can. Even though this is not what you wanted I hope you can take some comfort that now the end is in sight and you will have your little one in your arms SOON!

 

[HoneyTree]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BensMom And then there is the eternal conflict of all of my book knowledge that seems to conflict with my emotions when its happening to ME.

Oh, Jenn, what a lot to have to be thinking about now! I can especially relate to this part about brain info. versus heart info.

Lots of peace being sent your way as you struggle with your choices, and the promise of LOTS of support with whatever helps bring your baby into the world!

 

[MamaFern]

im sorry that this birth won't be as you wanted.. sometimes the universe has a differnt idea about things than we do. i understand how upset and frustrated you must feel right now.

take lots of arnica ( homeopathic) before and after for goodhealing. a woman i know blew the dr's away by taking arnica for her c-section. she healed in 1/3 of the time and the dr's thought the dates were wrong on her chart. also ignatia is really great for a sore heart ( emotionally) it would probably help you heal your body and soul.

 

[AmyGirl28]

I feel for you. I had a c-section with my last baby and I know it isn't always the decision we want to make. If you end up having it I hope that you have a quick recovery. I am facing a c-section if I don't go into labor on my own. If I were you I would just shut out everyone's comments and go with what your heart tells you. You have enough information to make the right decision. Good luck.

 

[bucaye]

Hugs to you Jenn. I just hope you have a wonderful birth anyway it happens. Just think you'll be holding your beautiful babe very soon!!

Hugs and love to you!!!

I'll be thinking of you when I wear my birth bead neckless!!!!!

 

[majazama]

women *can* give birth to babies, even if they are bum-down. You can do it. You should trust your instincts about it. If getting a cesarean makes you feel so bad, then maybe you could wait for a few more days? Babies can come as late as 46 weeks, as well, totally healthy, as long as you take care of yourself too.

good luck with it all.

 

[flyingspaghettimama]

I'm sorry you feel so sad, and I think I can understand. Particularly when you tried so, so hard to get the environment right, find the right backup, etc etc.
I agree with Plagio though - perhaps if when you check in to the hospital, you just think - in less than 24 hours I'll be cosleeping with my sweetie...that's pretty nice too. It's what helped me when I had a very (necessary but lame) medical birth last time, when things first got started. It was the only thing that made me happy, actually.

That, and having some nice ben and jerry's on hand for after the birth. Afterpains stand no chance whatsoever against B&J's.

 

[BensMom]

Thanks all. I am in a much better place now. I have cried a lot today, and feel supported by a lot of people. Its still going to be hard tomorrow. But I think I am finally at the place where I can focus on the baby and not all of the anxiety!

The Dr did not go for the cervadil idea. At this point, he feels like there is probably a reason why the baby is so high, labor has not started, etc. I am beginning to agree. Or maybe I just dont have any fight left in me.

Can't wait to come back here and post pics and my birth story.

And next week, it will be just DH, DS and I settling in, getting to know our newest family member. That makes me happy.

 

[Ahleemah]

Just remember, don't let anyone feed you that line "All that matters is a healthy baby". Of course that matters, but it's not ALL that matters. You matter. Your body matters. Greeting your newborn while recovering from major abdominal surgery matters. Facing future pregnancies and births with a scar on your uterus matters. Feel free to grieve, this is a HARD place you are in. Grieve, rant, cry, FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, or that you're feeling ungrateful about your precious new baby because you dare to feel sad about how she arrived.

Peace to you.

Ahleemah

 

[spughy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ahleemah Just remember, don't let anyone feed you that line "All that matters is a healthy baby". Of course that matters, but it's not ALL that matters. You matter. Your body matters. Greeting your newborn while recovering from major abdominal surgery matters. Facing future pregnancies and births with a scar on your uterus matters. Feel free to grieve, this is a HARD place you are in. Grieve, rant, cry, FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, or that you're feeling ungrateful about your precious new baby because you dare to feel sad about how she arrived.

:

I could not agree more - it's totally ok to feel disappointed. I know I would if I were in your shoes - and I would resent people telling me that I should be happy about just having the baby. Also - I think you are dealing with it very well already, I don't know if I could be as sanguine about it.

I hope it goes as well for you as humanly and medically possible and you heal quickly, both emotionally and physically.

 

[DreamsInDigital]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ahleemah Just remember, don't let anyone feed you that line "All that matters is a healthy baby". Of course that matters, but it's not ALL that matters. You matter. Your body matters. Greeting your newborn while recovering from major abdominal surgery matters. Facing future pregnancies and births with a scar on your uterus matters. Feel free to grieve, this is a HARD place you are in. Grieve, rant, cry, FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, or that you're feeling ungrateful about your precious new baby because you dare to feel sad about how she arrived. Peace to you. Ahleemah

Beautifully stated, and exactly what I would say if I were so eloquent.

 

[flapjack]

. I don't know what to say: but I'm sending lots of love and thinking of you. You're one of the bravest mamas I know.

 

[*Amy*]

Jenn I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and your baby girl this morning. Sending lots of love and healing vibes to you, your heart, and your body!!!

 

[samsmamma]

Jenn, I've been trying to post and just keep getting interrupted. By the time you get to read this, you will probably be holding your daughter in your arms. Know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best. I'm sorry the experience is not shaping up to be what you wanted, but in the end I'm glad you feel you are in a better place with it. You have been so strong throughout this and your daughter (and Ben!) is very lucky to have such a wonderful mommy.