wellbutrin? and my vent.

anyone take it? is it safe for BF? i read not much is known about it but some do take it while BF. i took it throughout my pregnancy and weaned off the last month of pg...i had taken it for a year and likely would have wanted to stop at that point anyhow. but i think stopping that coupled with PP issues is just too much for me! i am really struggling...

DH really wants me to start back on it, since we know it works for me. he is very supportive, but i think he is at his wit's end with my frustration and moodiness. i know some of it is normal new mom frustration, but if all new mothers felt THIS way, no one would have babies anymore

to sum it up, i feel like i want to leave every single day. i want my daughter to have a good life because i love her, but i don't think i can give it to her because i am too upset and resentful. ditto for my DH. i feel overwhelmed by BF; i resent the constant demand on my body. DD is in a huge growth spurt, which is just making things 100 times worse. DH said we could switch to formula, but i really don't want to do that. she deserves to have breastmilk (just like she deserves to have a good mother). i can't fall asleep sometimes, even though i am completely exhausted. i get anxious everytime i lie down because i'm worried i won't sleep, or she will wake up as soon as i fall asleep. last night i left her with DH after a feeding, went upstairs to the guest room, closed all the doors, and turned on the fan as loud as i could so i couldn't hear her crying. i slept soundly for 3 hours, the longest i have slept at one time in awhile.

i cry multiple times every single day, starting when my husband leaves for work (just had my first cry of the day a few minutes ago). i honestly feel like i don't want to have a child, and that it was a huge mistake, but i already have her--so what do you do? i am too ashamed to call any of my friends because i don't want them to know that i feel this way, and i don't know what else we would talk about because everyone inevitably asks how motherhood is going (and none of them are mothers). so i am completely socially isolated.

in the middle of the night last night, i asked DH if it was too late to give her up for adoption. that is how bad i feel. of course i don't want to do that, really, but it's preferrable to being a horrible mother to her. i feel like i have to give 100% to do this right, and i don't have it to give. i'd rather not be a mother at all than be a BAD mother, and right now i feel like the worst mother who ever existed...i wonder why EVERYONE else can do this, and even rave about what a miracle it is--but i can't, and it definitely doesn't feel like a miracle. more like a prison camp. i hate every minute of my life right now. everyone says it will get better, but i don't believe them.