[Stayseeliz]

Has anyone dealt with less than positive reactions to your desire to adopt?

We have two biological children. I have always wanted five with at least two of them being adopted. I've never even questioned whether or not to adopt. I just always knew I would!

When we tell some people we're working on adoption the first question is "What?? You can't have anymore kids?" Well, I guess we could if we pursued fertility treatments or even just clomid but I *WANT* to adopt. I know there is a baby out there that needs us and I want to bring it into our home. How is that wrong?

We're also getting comments from people about how we shouldn't be spending the money for this..Grrrr...

:

 

[arelyn]

WHAT?? Not spending your money on bringing a wonderful new little person into your family. That's stupid. I don't think they should spend their money on SUV's or satelite TV or, or, soda but I don't go around informing them of it...the nerve some people have! We're rather anticipating negative reactions when we get around to adopting. That's in the far future though so sorry people can be insensitive, I'll return to lurkdom.

 

[GooeyRN]

Im sorry you have to deal with ignorant people. Adoption is a beautiful thing.

 

[aisraeltax]

im adoptd. great strategy. your future children will feel so loved.

 

[bri276]

people are so ignorant about this subject. I really recommend this blog:

http://thenakedovary.typepad.com/the_naked_ovary/

She has been in the process of adopting for a very long time, and over the course of the past couple years has encountered so many stupid comments and has written a lot about it, finally her little girl is coming home!

I hope (secretly) to adopt someday too and thanks to that site I already have so many good comebacks

 

[Spock]

I can relate to your situation since we are in the beginning stages of the adoption process. I think a lot of the problem stems from the fact that, to a lot of people, adoption is a second choice behind having a bio child. They can't even understand how it could be someone's first choice. I don't have any great advice about how to deal with it since we're still trying to figure that out too. Just hang in there and try to not smack people who stay stupid things.

 

[Stevie]

get used to it; once your child is home, most will forget to ask dumb questions, but some won't

 

[pearlgirl]

We got strange reactions too. Lots of assumptions about our fertility. We adopted without ever trying to get pregnant, no one understood. We have since had a biological child. Many thought she was our "miracle" baby. Well she is, but all our children are miracles. It wasn't what they ment. We're adopting again. There are always people that are negative, usually well meaning, well sort of. We've found that my in-laws are the worst. They just don't understand and I think never imagined this family for their son. It's disheartening and hurtful, but we move on and they are great grandparents to both our DD's. They will be to the new kids too. Hopefully you and your family will be a source of info and a way to open the eyes of people around you to what a wonderful thing adoption can be. Consider yourselves ambassadors and let the negative roll off. Hopefully you'll find that though there are some less than supportive people the majority are supportive and happy for you. The really uncomfortable part for me are those that think we're noble, doing a good thing, better than they could be, saving a child, etc etc etc. I'd rather take a negative remark than those honestly as they just make me uncomfortable! I don't feel we're any of those things. We just want a family.

Sarah

 

[rredhead]

I've known that I would be building my family through adoption since 1989. I saw a 20/20 special about the Romanian orphanages. At the same time, I had my first "Family Life Education" that dealt with where babies come from (Catholic school. *sigh*). So, as I didn't particularly care about the genetic connection, I decided to adopt babies who were already here.
Whenever this came up, regardless of how old I was at the time, my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) would say "You'll change your mind" or "But you could never love an adopted child as much." and similar put downs.
Fast forward, and my boyfriend proposes. Before I say yes, I remind him that I won't be carrying any children. This had been an issue, but he said that he had thought about it a lot, and wanted to have me as his wife, more than he wanted bio children. I said yes, and we got married. We had a deal that I would wait one full year before delving into adoption research.
In 2003, a minor injury turned into nerve damage, and I'm on so many meds now my body would be toxic to anyone else trying to live in it. So, when people asked "Why are you adopting?" we'd just generally give them the answer "I have a medical issue" and leave it at that.
What upsets me the most is actually the literature about adoption. EVERY book assumes that you're infertile, and must therefore mourn your loss of bio children before you adopt. Every form we filled out for our agencies, the assumption was that the woman specifically was unable to conceive. Our home study agency actually put in the home study that we were unable to have children due to infertility.
(Aside: This is why you must insist that you get a copy of your home study before the agency sends it away.)
We corrected it and away we went.
Adoption is not a second choice. We actually wrote in our "Dear Birthmother Letter" that adoption is our first choice, and we are committed to building our family through adoption.
That ended up being a lot longer than I meant it to be. Sorry!
Off to sleep,
R

 

[wagaboodles]

Hang in there. People say a lot of really dumb things. I have friends with 6 bio kids and they just adopted another. I like how they put it: They're not done having kids, but they're done being pregnant.