[mama2myangelWill]

Ok, well we are just about to crack in our house! Bit o'history........

We are an ap'ing family with 2 kiddos. Ds will be 4 in July and dd just turned 1 in Feb. My issue is my ds......he's just so MEAN sometimes!! I go through the day terrified that I've screwed up attachment parenting somehow and that now I've messed him up

Can anyone give me some feedback on their own experiences?

Here's a typical day for us right now:

Wake up - sometimes happy, sometimes grumpy. If grumpy, won't speak but only grunts. "Fights" w/sister over any item she touches. Can include pushing, yelling, etc.

Rest of day - intermingled with absolutely NO cooperation whatsoever on anything asked to do, hitting (on occassion and not acceptable) me when angry, screaming when not getting his way, he wets/poops in undies & won't tell me when he needs to go (was self learned at 2 1/2 bf dd was born - hasn't been back since), doesn't eat healthy items prepared, just wants junk, doesn't want to talk to me, calls names or talks back when told no, ETC.....this list continues, but I'm getting tired listing this crap.

My little man can be the sweetest thing ever when he desires and at night, I MUST be present to snuggle/nurse to sleep. These days we have are breaking my heart and my confidence in our parenting style. Anyone else dealing with little ones going through these emotional struggles? Should I get him in to a therapist? He has been a rather mild-mannered, cooperative babe until about 3 so I'm not sure if it's still dd's birth that's rockin' his world or if we're into a little more now. Thanks!

Blessings,

 

[PancakeGoddess]

My son was worse when the sibling came along, but definitely never had a significant improvement until we removed dairy from his diet. Just one possibility for you to consider... could be any food sensitivity. It made him so fatigued, irritable, angry. :-(
good luck mama

 

[mama2myangelWill]

I would have never thought of this.......how did you find info on linking the food allergies to the behaviors? I have changed our eating habits and buy as much organic/natural stuff as possible. We have also gone pretty much no meat, but we still do dairy. Can you tell me how you diagnosed your son's sensitivity? I'm open to all ideas!

Blessings,

 

[sistermama]

just subbing, I'm interested, too.

 

[PancakeGoddess]

Well, although I don't think it's technically an allergy, a good place to start is Doris Rapp's book _Is This Your Child?_

It gives extreme examples, but her suggestions for elimination diets are good.

Some clues about if there are foods giving your child problems:
- any foods s/he eats daily, seems to really LOVE/need, would truly miss
- foods s/he eats a lot of that fall into the typically problematic categories - wheat, dairy, eggs, soy

The hard part is that eliminating the problem foods might not give instant results. My son did improve steadily but it was over the course of a couple weeks and he kept improving for 2-3 months. Now, he can have some dairy - cheese is usually ok - but if he has a lot or if he has actual milk or ice cream, we have very grumpy days after.

 

[AngelBee]

:

 

[Mallory]

I agree some kind of food sensitivity might be to blame. Dairy or some kind of coloring or additive.

I also wonder if he is getting enough sleep. My boys are 4 and 5 and usually sleep about 11 hours a night. This time of year when it is only dark for 8 hours it is really important for my oldest especially that their room is dark (fortunately we just moved into a house where thier sleeping room has no windows because we sleep from midnight til 10 or 11 in the morning-its 10:33 right now and they are both still asleep)

Could you also find a time you could spend a few days just being thier for them? Don't cook (eat cereal and sandwiches) or do laudry. Play games and take walks and paint. Maybe get someone to watch the baby so you could do something together for an hour or two. I know mine just needs to be filled up with love, but man I have a hard time fitting it in, I am going to try starting today to be there for him as much as he needs the next few days.

My youngest self trained about two, and is back in diapers now. Its not the first time, I know it is stress for him-and this last time was because I was babysitting a 10 month old everyday. Put him back in diapers ( at least cleaning diapers is less angering to me then cleaning pants and floors, ect.) and don't say anything about the potty-- don't be upset when you change his diapers and don't be happy when he makes it to the toilet, let him have all the power over it. I even let him sit in the dirty diaper until he asks me to change him.

He wants to go for a walk and we need to get out of here before Link wakes up!

Good Luck we have a lot of those same issues.

 

[stafl]

dairy, sugar, and red food dye cause problems with my DD.
also if she doesn't get to nurse often enough. If he is weaned, maybe he just needs some extra mommy attention, one-on-one, like when baby is napping.

 

[mama2myangelWill]

Thanks so much mamas! I love this group & the kinship it provides. It is always such a relief to hear that my concerns are not isolated events and others deal with the things we do.

I so appreciate the ideas/advice - I have been able to glean some things from them that we will be working on.

Beautiful day to all