[snuggly mama]

It's the first full day of summer vacation for all 3 children. I have tons of fun ideas of stuff to do with them -- inexpensive outings, gardening in the yard, that kind of thing. Well, it's off to a rotten start! My youngest dd, who is blind, spent the whole hour we were at the library screaming that the carpet was "disgusting". My 9 yr. old dd isn't speaking to me because I wouldn't buy her a book at the store, my 7 yr. old ds only wants to watch videos and eat snacks, and the neighbor's son fell in our driveway and split his forehead so he'll need stitches! Dh is working the late shift AGAIN, so I'm on my own for the rest of the evening.

What do you all do to enjoy fun activities with all your children while still meeting the needs of the child with sn? I want so much for this to be a good summer for all of us, but it seems like what Jill needs (my youngest) conflicts with the freedom that the older ones enjoy. Not to mention that we have to take so much stuff with us for her (meds, extra fluids, diapers . . .) I feel like I've had a one-year old for over two years now since she still doesn't walk by herself, and frankly, I'm exhausted. I worry that the older two will resent having to work their whole lives around Jill, but I'm not sure how to resolve that. Jill has a home health aide three mornings a week, but no other help. We can't really afford to hire a sitter, and besides, I want her to experience the fun, too. Help! Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

I'm going to sip my wine and pretend that the chicken and fries in the oven is what I really wanted to eat for dinner. . .

 

[Changed]

Bummer.

 

[elfinbaby]

No advice. Just wanted to say I hear ya. I have a 6 yr. old ds, 26 mos. dd, and a 7 mos. dd. Dd1 is developmentally delayed (or something - have an appt. in Aug.). She is in diapers full force, not walking, not talking, etc. Delightful child but it's hard when you have 2 babies - and the older one is hard to lug around at 26 lbs.!

Dh just stopped working 2 jobs which helped tremendously but he's still gone out of town on trips and has an unreliable schedule. I make it on my own most of the time and when I do, it means we don't get out much. It's just too hard for exactly the reasons you said. So much stuff to pack, my youngest is so so busy, and ds is an extremely high energy child that runs around like a lunatic when we go out. I just spent 3 days cooped up w/the kids - the baby was sick, needed some rash cream but couldn't go get it b/c I couldn't take a sick baby out, another 26 lb. baby out, and risk ds running off in the store.

If I ever get my brain back, I'll brain storm with you about ideas for the summer. I'm in Texas and the heat keeps us indoors in the summer. I am dying to find a place to just let the kids run around in.

Good luck!

 

[Changed]

Central Texas here too... It's all I can do to not melt!

 

[khrisday]

I thinkn you can expect a period of adjustment during the beginning of summer vacation, just like during any period of change, and that's normal. I have to strike a balance wbetwen my two- one who wants to stay inside and do the exact same thign every day, and the other wants to go out and do somethign different every day. It just means that both of them are learning to do thigns that really aren't their favorite. It's really not fun, but I do think we're working up to it. Things that used to be just unbearable for us as a family are now fun, and so will this soon enough. For us it usually takes multiple exposures to a type of place or activity, remembering to bring snacks and water and take plenty of snack breaks, and to move at a slow pace. We went to a large theme park in December with soem family, and it was horrible. We tried to keep up with their pace, eat only at regular meal times, and do the big rides. A couple weeks ago, we went to a different large amusement park just as a family, we brought lots of ofood and stoped for frequent snacks, did only what the kids really wanted to, and moved at a snails pace. It was great!

 

[Melissa S]

I have an 11mo old, 2 1/2 yr, 4yr, and 9yr. It is very difficult to plan events that are fun for everyone but sometimes I call up friends and we all go out so my oldest has a friend to play with and all the adults help each other. Another thing we do is just visit my SIL who is my best friend. The kids all play while we get to visit. The older ones can play outside, the middle aged ones play together in their rooms (and sometimes we all venture out to the park) and the littlest ones play on the carpet or watch videos. As for outside.... Last summer I had a newborn so we did not do much. We sent our oldest out to friends' houses as many of our neighbors have kids that are her age. Mostly I just put the pool out in the back yard and hung out all afternoon.

Not much help but I guess you just do what you can. Sometimes simple things like wandering around the mall with the double stroller and visiting the pet store and letting them go on the 25 cent rides makes them happy. Public pools and lakes are out of the question unless DH and grandma and grandpa are along to help. Last time we ventured out to the park my 4yo got hurt twice and ended up with a bloody nose b/c I had baby in the sling and couldn't respond quickly enough. A quick walk to the nearest ice cream stand is fun too. Last summer with the newborn we had an outing where we got some icecream, got really messy, and then washed of at the water park that's only a block from the icecream stand. Nice neighborhood.

I also find it helps to communicate to the older ones that we are a family and need to be patient with each other and help. It helps to do it before we go out and not when the problems start. I also take time out every few months to do something alone with my oldest when DH is home, even if it's only an hour. I think it must be so hard for the older ones with very young siblings to not be able to ever do anything b/c of them. It seems the younger ones are more dependant and need more attention and the oldest sometimes are just helpers or shoved aside while more immediate needs are pending. With one on one time dd is more willing to come along and help on family outings. HTH

Melissa

 

[Ame]

snuggly mama my youngest (Lucy) does not see either...and gets impatient with situations that are not interesting or stimulating to her senses.

I have not figured out a magic trick to make it easier (though wine sounds tempting). I just try to be sure i bring something to entertain Lucy and I entertain her while the older two do their thing. It isn't easy...but it could alwasy be worse.

 

[snuggly mama]

I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in trying to figure this out. Sometimes it just seems like the rest of the world gets to kind of go out and do what they want while I have to plan down to every little detail just to get in the car! Still, it's worth every minute when we are able to enjoy something together. On Thursday I took all 3 children (by myself!) to a park near us that has a water play area and great playground. We had a wonderful time -- the kids got soaking wet, Jill had a great sensory experience splashing in the cold fountains, and the big kids got to run and climb at the playground. I think I need to keep my expectations a bit lower, and then I'm not disappointed that I'm not doing the supermom thing.

The thing I struggle with is trying to figure out when to allow Jill's needs to dictate the family's time and when to kind of say, "well, this is something we do and you just have to cope with it". For example, Six Flags is out because it's just too overwhelming for Jill -- noise, people, and not much for her to do. But going to the park when she hates the grass? Not so clear cut, despite the fact that it's important to the older two. Is it worth the screaming? Or does she just have to deal with the fact that, hey, the world has grass! Why don't these kids come with some instructions?!

 

[Ame]

snuggly mama....

Lucy is not quite two yet...so she easier to entertain/distract BUT here's my thoughts...

Lucy does not see...therefore it is not fair to ask her to be comfortable with a situation in which her needs are not met, for long periods of time.

For example...the library. Lucy does not like it. There is no sound input (only me reding - otherwise pretty quiet) - not much smell - no touch input - no eating AND I feel obligated to keep her at least somewhat quiet, since it is the library. My older two love the library...and we go weekly. I don't tell the other two to hurry up because Lucy's unhappy. I tell them they have until a certain time and then it is time to leave. During that time I make sure I sing to Lucy, read to her, talk to her, and keep her busy. If she is too loud and my attempts to quiet her don't work I go into the lobby (not outside - but not IN the library ) until the time comes to leave. My kids are familiar with the library and know how to ask librarians for assistance...so they don't "need" me. They also know where I am if they do need me. We go online and reserve books and tapes, so that most of their stuff is ready and waiting when we get there - that helps ALOT !

In your sitution...As far as the things that she can not stand ( like 6 flags) I don't think it's fair for her to have to endure it (if it bothers her) nor is it fair for the others to miss out. I think compromise is key. Either you go when someone else can stay with her or they go with a friend or family member. On the other hand - hating grass at the park sounds like she is tactile sensetive. Could you bring her a blanket or a chair and some music or special treats to eat, so that she doesn't have to touch the grass ?

It's never easy on mom...but I believe it can be done.

 

[mommy2three]

Oh Bethie,

I totally feel for you!!!! I've been going a bit insane the last week with my almost 5 year old twins, and my crazy 2 year old (and I'm 27 weeks pregnant...). My husband is a police officer and has been working double shifts and tons of overtime so I haven't gotten a break and they're off the wall!!! (I also don't have much energy to do many really fun things) Where do you live? Too bad you don't live in CT so we could let the bunch of them run around like crazy and sit back and watch while we try to keep our eyes open!!!

Anyway, I don't have any good answers for you just wanted to send you a BIG HUG!!!