Originally Posted by justamom2
when my step daughter gets angry i tell her getting angry is not going to solve your porblem its only going to make it worse...
That may be true in some instances but sometimes anger can help us make a necessary change. Anger is a real part of life, for children as for adults, and when your dsd is already angry, denying her feelings could make her feel misunderstood and confused, more angry, and bad about herself, thinking she's wrong for having those feelings. So it seems, as the OP asked about, the issue is helping her express it in a way that is acceptable, not telling her not to feel something that is completely normal to feel. I would empathize with her and then help her solve her problem that is causing the anger. BTW, thanks for the links. Here are some more:
(not specifically for children - meant more for parents - but same principles apply!)
For me, the rules are - as long as it doesn't hurt anyone or any property, any way of expressing anger is more or less acceptable. However there are some ways that are more constructive and healing than others. Yelling seems to help my daughter, so does throwing a ball. But these are not ideal, because they still feel violent and sometimes cause her adrenaline to shoot up again. If she can calm down a little, she finds it helpful to breathe deeply and close her eyes, or to say a kind of positive mantra that helps her relax "i can be calm" or something like this. Then we can talk about what happened and try to evaluate her actual need/problem. I have an explosive child (not a toddler) and it is really hard, because she wants to be violent (and often is) but we are working on proper expression every day.