[Brown Lioness]

Ok, so the latest facet on my adventure-quest to become a repsonsible dog owner is how hubby and i will react once the dog we get grows old and dies.

Of course this is years and yeas down the road, but hubby says that he fears getting attached to something that he's taken care of for so long and then having it pass away on him and him being sad about it.

I think that he kind of poo-poo's those who seem to have a hard time losing their pets. He had a coworker recently who's dog passed away and she literally had to take off almost a week or something to help her deal and get over it.

Im not sure how normal that is, but i do know that i would be very sad too.

Hubby is kind of like, why would i purposely put myself through that kind of sadness?

Im not sure what to tell him now. Yes, the dog we get today will eventually pass away and because we will have loved it so much it will make us sad.....how sad, i dunno, but its a reality. However, i dont think it should be a deterent to getting the dog in the first place! *sigh*

What should i tell hubby? I dont want him to think of it this way even tho it is a reality. Maybe someone can give us some insight here, because im at a loss...ive never had a pet for a long time and had to watch it pass away.

TIA!

 

[lokidoki]

It is not that you purposely put yourself through the sadness...it is that you purposely put yourself in a place to have such a unique relationship void of any judgments and purposely put yourself in a place to experience fun and joy! The sadness part is just a consequence that you have to deal with. The reward is the many years you get of that unique relationship.

Sure, when they die it is painful ~ but I was never taught to avoid things just because it might hurt. Hurting sometimes is a growing experience too ~ teaches you more about yourself.

 

[Brown Lioness]

Right, and that's what im tryna get through to him. He's so very comfortable where he is that i feel like any risk and change, he's apprehensive about.

To me, i almost didnt take him serious when he said all of this. Im like, how can you avoid something just because it mihgt hurt you? For all intensive purposes, then we shouldnt have never gotten married, or never plan for kids, or never moved out of our comfort zone to a new city and on and on and on...all of those have a risk to hurt us.

I dunno, maybe he's being silly and im taking him too serious or somethin...he can be a lil dead-pan humorist sometimes, lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lokidoki It is not that you purposely put yourself through the sadness...it is that you purposely put yourself in a place to have such a unique relationship void of any judgments and purposely put yourself in a place to experience fun and joy! The sadness part is just a consequence that you have to deal with. The reward is the many years you get of that unique relationship. Sure, when they die it is painful ~ but I was never taught to avoid things just because it might hurt. Hurting sometimes is a growing experience too ~ teaches you more about yourself.

 

[blizzard_babe]

Honestly... I put off getting a dog for a while because I was afraid of the same thing. So I understand your DH's POV. But now that we have Loki, I can't imagine it any other way. I WANT to be here for him until the end. I want to put that little bit of joy into the world via treats and walks and tennis balls and naps on the couch.

 

[kaydee]

Well, loving anyone entails this risk. That's the price we pay for joy, attachment, and intimacy--the knowledge that we could (or will) lose the one we are so attached to.

But the reward is the deep companionship and connection. I don't think you can have one (love) without the other (the fear of loss).

Losing an animal companion is painful (we just lost one of our dear cats 4 days ago), but for me, the pain has never been outweighed by the joy of sharing my life with animals (human and otherwise).

 

[edamommy]

everything dies. people. dogs. plants.... does your dh know that you will die? His children? We just have NO control over that and why should the fact that a pet will die be any different than the fact that HE or YOU will die?

 

[accountclosed3]

i would put it in reverse.

look, a lot of painful things happen in life--does that make life not worth living?

i mean, sure, it's weird to say "if you don't wnat pain, kill yourself." but seriously, it's just part of life.

 

[2bluefish]

If you give them a good life, and treat them kindly at their deaths, I haven't found it too hard to bare. I had one cat that got sick while I was studying abroad in Spain - I had dreams about her and knew she was sick. When I got home, I found out my parents had put her on medicine to prolong her life since I was out of the country (she had a thyroid condition). We all agree that that was a mistake. She slowly deteriorated and then had to be put to sleep. We all agree that it is better to let an animal die when it's time comes than to hold on so tight and put it through possible misery. That cat has taught me alot and even seems to be a kind of spiritual messanger for me - I see her in my dreams alot. I have another cat that chose me at the Human Society. I wasn't going to take her because she was sick, but she chose me. I sometimes get a weird feeling that maybe it is the same cat I lost. Cooky, I know, buy they are very similar in temperment.

I do think that pet people are usually better off getting a new pet, when one dies. It helps the healing. James Herriot that wrote all the books about his life as a vet, always reccomended the same thing.

Animals have helped me make peace with the life cycle and death. I used to mourn over fish that died when I was a kid! It was painful, but the lessons were invaluable.

 

[Twwly]

I don't really get it. I mean, you two got married... you're planning for kids... and the fact is that everyone and everything dies. Period. If you lived your life not getting attached to anyone or anything it'd be a pretty lonely life.

If my husband asked that question I'd probably quip something to the tune of 'well I could die first and ya married me, didn't ya?"

 

[shelbean91]

When a pet dies, it SUCKS. It's very, very hard. It's very, very sad. It's horrible to have to make the decision on whether or not they need to be put to sleep. Did you wait too long or not enough? That is only one part of owning a pet.

When our dogs died, we made a memory box for them. We had them cremated and they are still with us. We put their picture on the box and made a list of all the best memories.