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Okay, this is a long one. Sorry.

This child is bossy to my son, entitled, rude to adults, lies to no end, and I'm afraid it is too late to teach him to act right. His mother doesn't see the problem. Let me give you a few examples of what I'm dealing with.

A few days ago my son was taking a few rocks from one side of the yard to the grassy area, the child repeatedly yelled "no!" And when I walked over he preceded to tell on my son. I told him he was being a tattle tale and my son wasn't hurting anybody. He continues to tattle.

I heard him yell at my son "Don't!" I creeped behind the door to listen in on what was happening. He said "leave my stuff alone NOW!"
I asked him what made him think it's ok to talk to people that way.
His response? "I didnt! No, I mean i really didnt"

He hit my son in the face with a large toy because my son was trying to pillow fight. He had a mark under his eye and cried so hurt and betrayed. He said my son was lying, and then when his mother told him to say sorry, he said it like a chipmunk. As fast and meaningless as possible. She accepted it.

This boy is 9 years old and my son is 3. He happens to also be my little brother. My mother is a big personality with temper issues and very very sensitive to criticism.

I have brought it up to her and she has dismissed it. I feel ashamed that I haven't stood up for my son the way he needs me to, and guilty for not knowing how to help my brother learn these basic principles. And my relationship with my mother will never be the same because her babying my brother is making my child lose out on precious learning of how to treat others and how he should be treated. I am trying to reverse the damage done by my brother but my son now yanks toys away from his baby brother, screams in his face, tells me "do you got it?" In a hateful tone. And whines and cries every time I tell him no, which my brother does. I just don't know what to do.

My mother loves her grandchildren and my children love them very much. My son says my brother is his best friend. This whole situation breaks my heart and my mother does everything for them....except discipline her son.

Please help me, I am going insane.
 

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Don't let your son alone with that boy. He's being abused, it's unacceptable. It'd be good if you could refuse visits, but if you have to live with your mother (I can't tell) it may not be possible.

You are not your brother's mother. You can't parent him or fix this. Only your mother can. I know you love your brother and want to see him be the best person he can be, but that just isn't under your control. You can model good behavior and refuse to let him treat your son badly, but that's all you can do.

See about seeing a counselor or take parenting classes. If your mother thinks this is acceptable, you likely learned some bad habits from her and you should try to nip them in the bud. It also may help you stand up to her.
 
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I second the notion of seeing a professional to help you formulate a response. Also know that kids emulate just about any peer they chose, despite whatever role modeling goes on at home. Sometimes the schoolyard or daycare brings home unwelcome behavior. Gentle communication about what behavior is acceptable / positive in your home will be helpful, even if it takes your kid a while to get over a phase. Be patient! I have a three year old and a two year old. Sometimes I forget how frustrating a toddler can be for a preschooler. It is hard to regulate big emotions when you're still a small kid. :)
 

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I second what sillysaplin is saying. Your brother is abused child. He doesn't know better but you can't fix that. Only mother by fixing her behaviour can change the relationship with her son...which leads to therapy..

second: if you cannot back of your mother/brother and protect your son...you need to see why you cannot do that...which leads to therapy...


third: letting alone your child with someone who had been abused is accepting that person will most likely have abusive bahviour towards your child...
Just because someone is a relative doesn't mean that has the right to stay with you and your son.
 
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