[darien]

I told my husband that I want a divorce, but now I don't know what to do next.

He makes a good salary, but has almost $30,000 in personal debt (cc's and motorcycle payment). He blows the "excess" from his paychecks each month, so we (he) have no savings at all.

I thought I was going to school, starting next month, but I can't afford it (I deferred till next year-- maybe!). I have one small pt job that ends at the end of May, and another that involves me assisting my stbx!

I used up "my" savings while I was working pt. I need to find a job, fast!

I'm a (former) teacher. But, I'm uncertified and have a gap in my resume-- I've been doing inhome childcare for the past few years. I'm thinking of going back to that, because I know I can get work, and I want to keep homeschooling my 2 kids.

We love homeschooling, for one thing, and for another, both my dc have issues that make them a poor fit for school (such as anxiety).

But, I can't in good conscience take on daycare families before I'm sure I'll get to stay in my house!

Stbx and I are being civil and avoiding each other right now. I've been researching divorce law, child support, etc. You have to be separated for a year before filing for divorce in our state.

:

I honestly don't know if stbx will be reasonable or act crazy, but we have to talk about HOW we're going to separate, soon! I want him to move out, but I have no idea what I'll do if he refuses.

I have no family in the area, and no family that I could live with, at all. I do have a couple of friends who would let me and the kids stay with them in an emergency, but nothing helpful longterm.

Even if he moves out, I need him to help me. Housing is really expensive here. I can't see how I'm going to pay the mortgage without him even when I get a ft job! Can't sell the house-- the market is just dead around here.

I could get a roommate, but does stbx have to agree, since it's his house, too? And wouldn't that be a complication if I was doing childcare in the house?

It seems like whatever I do first is going to cause problems getting every other thing sorted. Help?

 

[darien]

Anyone?

 

[fek&fuzz]

I would call an attorney and pay a few hundred dollars for a consultation to figure out what I need to be doing during the next year to protect my interests.

 

[Organique Gal]

I don't know your situation, so I'm sorry if you have already explained this in another thread... Is there abuse involved? What is prompting you to separate and ask for a divorce?

Making a plan is definitely the first step. Make a list of things you need in place before you can be on your own... housing, monthly income, child care (if necessary), a vehicle, a phone...

When I left my xh it was an abusive situation, so might be very different. My family gave me a place to stay and provided food and emotional support while I figured out all the details of being on my own. It was wonderful having a 'resting' place to get my life figured out.

I would talk to a lawyer too and find out what they recommend as far as setting up a visitation plan, and start the ball rolling with finding out what you need to do to get child support filed for...

I'm sorry you're going through this right now... It's not easy.

 

[Rosehip]

I think the first step is a lawyer. Gather all the info you can - his salary, your cumulative debts, school stuff, current home value and what you owe, your earning potential (and job market), your and your husband's desires in terms of custody, etc. and get a consult.

I'm sorry, it sounds like you're understandably overwhelmed right now. I'm sure there will be at least some options, and a lawyer will have some ideas.

Doubtless you'll have to give up some of your ideals - we all do - BUT hopefully things will, in the final analysis, be better even though some of your ideas of the perfect home/parenting/etc. will go out the window. That's been the case for me.

It get better - hang in there.

 

[lilyka]

leaving your ex will come at a cost. the question is, is it worth the cost.

what are you willing to give up top get out? what is your husband sayiung he will give you? ask of you? not that you can count on any of that. you can not count on him for asnything. I made that mistake. I expected my ex to keep his promises. now we are pretty much screwed. but it is a place to start. what are the rules of seperation? I got temporary custody, child support and possesion of the house plus ex had to still pay half the household bills until we had some sort of formal arrangements in place.

also you cannot count on having a room mate. it is in my divorce settlerment that I cannot have a room mate (neither can xh). just something to think about. granted though that is something we mutrually agreed on.