Mothering Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
734 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just got a phone message, and it sounds like my friend is going to tell me she miscarried at about 11 weeks. She had been TTC for almost a year. She had been telling people (including her boss) for a week now.<br>
I want be able to be supportive and understanding, and don't want to say something that could be belittling her grief. I can't say I understand, 'cause I don't, I've never lost a babe... I can't say "you'll get pregnant again" because what if she won't and besides, that's not the point, what about THIS babe...<br>
What do you say?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
Having had 2 m/c the best thing you can say is "I'm sorry" and give her a hug anything else has the potental to hurt more than help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,059 Posts
Saying "I'm sorry" or, even "I wish I knew what to say" is so much better than the route so many people take, which is to say nothing at all. And your instinct to not say "you can always have another baby" is a good one. Hearing that is awful when you've lost your baby.<br>
The best thing you can do for your friend is to keep being there for her. Ask her if she wants to talk -- remembering her pregnancy, or her loss. If you feel comfortable with this, ask her if she named the baby, or has any keepsakes. Just keep calling, visiting, and really asking how she is, not just over the next few weeks, but in 2 months, and 4 months, and 6 months. One of the most painful things about losing a baby is feeling alone, and like everyone else has forgotten.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> to you for being such a caring friend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
812 Posts
Hey Jenger, just click back a page and read over the sticky for "family and friends of grieving parents." That should help. Thanks for caring - you're on the right track already!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
734 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
My friend is an incredibly strong woman. I talked to her this morning and it sounds like, for now, she is allowing for grief, but still seeing that there are a few positives- She said at least she know now that she CAN get pregnant, and she understands that this may not of been a healthy baby.<br>
Thanks for the ideas- I hope to be able to support her for now and in the future. I will make o note of her due date, especially, and make sure she has friends that day...
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top