[kerc]

Surprisingly to me, most of my mama friends have been nursing their babies happily since day one. Or nursing didn't go well and they've done formula since the beginning. But one of my friends is weaning her ds who is 1 yo. I feel like every time I chat with her about nursing I don't know what to say. She has some serious health issues, which may be a part of it, but I'm struggling with the part where she says "i just can't do this anymore. I am DONE." I think 'gosh at a year, things are reasonably easy.' And she has one of those babies who are ok being passed around, grandma and grandpa both live in town and help her out. She's not a terribly mainstream mama in that she is into alternative medicine, thought she'd like the family bed, had a drug free labor, etc.

 

[WithHannahsHeart]

Well, unless she asks you specific questions or relates to you specific concerns surrounding bf'ing and why she wants to quit, you may just have to accept it, as hard as that may be

. If you are very close to her, you might gently ask some questions, and try to get her to get to the bottom of her negative feelings - perhaps someone in her family, or several someones, are pressuring her to stop. Maybe she has had many issues with mastitis, thrush, etc. and wants and end to her struggles, which, frankly, is no small thing; i would personally respect and understand that very much. I wouldn't push it too hard, and i would respectfully listen to anything she had to say and try not to immediately judge her, even if you think her concerns are petty. I bet that to her they are not.

 

[Embee]

Hm, from the other things you mention about your friend, I would say there must be something within her that's telling her the time is now. Health issues in ourselves can be very difficult to deal with and perhaps it's a strain to be nursing in addition to them. As you said, at a year, things are usually pretty easy. If things aren't that way, then perhaps it's a sign for her that it's time to change things. One thing I've had to remind myself often as a parent is that as sure as our children are individuals, our experiences as parents are also unique.

If she asks for your advice, I would be supportive and answer questions as they come, in as non-judgmental way as possible. Otherwise, I imagine I'd let her make her choice as it's hers to make... as difficult as it is at times.

 

[nancg]

I totally empathize with you - it is hard to hear that news - but agree with the others that at 1 year all you can really say is "Great work!" If you really wanted, you might ask if she thinks she'll miss it, too. There are any number of medical conditions, from epilepsy to narcolepsy, which might seem invisible but which need medication not compatible with breastfeeding.

I remember having the same feeling about people who were weaning at around a year, who I knew when I was nursing DD1. I didn't understand either. And I agree that, the way you describe your friend, it sounds like this is one decision among many and that you are in line with her on the others.

Nancy

 

[kerc]

thanks for all the reassurance. that's exactly what I have been doing...I *do* think it is probably time for her. She's been putting off going on some major drugs in order to continue nursing. I think the combination of medical stuff just makes her done.

the thing is I just keep feeling like she's checking in with me as if to ask "is this ok" and I do think it is ok. I think she's made it a really long time through a lot. Perhaps she just needs to hear that over and over.

 

[Geofizz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerc the thing is I just keep feeling like she's checking in with me as if to ask "is this ok" and I do think it is ok.

Might reading this help her?
http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing...ttle/wean.html

Nursing is a relationship. Unless both parties are happy with the state of the relationship, it needs to be changed. Staying off medications for a year (or even a year and 9 mo?) can take it's toll on a individual.

 

[Rainbow]

I would congratulate her and nursing so long- that is a great length of time for the american average.

You could also talk about gentle non forcive weaning ideas, and put in a plug or two for extended nursing. If she is only doing this for social reasons, and doesn't feel right about it she will ask you to elaborate on the benefits of EN. If she wants this, you might just alienate her by being pushy.

In conversation I'd probably just say something to show you can relate to wanting to wean, and sometimes it is hard to stick with your decision to self wean but you try to stick with it because of the health and emotional benefits of it. But you'd be glad to help her brainstorm for gentle methods so it isn't tramatic for him.

My friend started weaning at 12 months, he was weaned by 15- slow and peacefully. Although I can't imagine weaning my 15 months old- I still think she did a great job for being as mainstream as she is.

guess I should read the other replies before posting. :LOL I'd just help her find gentle non forcive methods and support her

 

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I'm relieved to see all the replies. I agree that 12 months is statistically a long time. If you really think that your friends time is finished with the nursing relationship , and all she's looking for is support then I would give it to her. It sounds like you are a good friend to her and she respects your opinion and wants your approval, which I would find flattering.

You might want to remind her that she may have a large hormonal shift after she stops. I actually found my entire life more difficult to deal with after I weaned DC. And I agree that it would be good if you could encourage her to wean gently and let her now that there is support for her if she felt pressured to wean or if she changes her mind and want's to continue.

 

[kerc]

Quote:

Might reading this help her? http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfin...ottle/wean.html

cool page. bookmarking that -- in an effort to try to convince my sister to nurse her baby even a few days. She's a farmer's wife and, well they don't nurse there. They pump the cow's colostrum and feed that to the babies because "if they let the babies just nurse then they eat too much and get sick" (what is that?)

anyhow i do think my friend is trying gentle ways to wean, rather than cold turkey. And her son is a big time thumb sucker, so i think that the thumb sucking is picking up. Last time i chatted with her I told her I would expect the thumb sucking to intensify as breastfeeding ends.

on hormonal changes in mom -- I guess I had never thought about that. Of the friends I have whose kids have weaned themselves at like 2-3 years, every darn one of them claims kiddo got sick the week after.

thanks for all the replies. I feel so much better knowing that ya'll would do the same thing I've been doing. And I think I said in my original post i was surprised that my close friends all choose to nurse past 1 yr. I was surprised because we tried breastfeeding just because it was free and then after i started nursing I learned all the good things about it. I guess I would have been the odd ball for bottlefeeding if we had had the $$.

 

[Meiri]

I second the "congratulations for beating the American averages!" concept.

Maybe she needs to hear that her needs count for something too? It's difficult to have to make those kinds of choices between what you might want to do and what medical needs dictate.