What do you do when you can't meet the need that is causing them to act out?

I think you're getting "wants" and "needs" mixed up. Yes, kids need food, but no kid "needs" prepackaged little things of apple sauce or a specific brand of granola bar. The real, underlying need is more attention and activity- which you can only do your best to meet.

She might do better with "regular foods" if she can help prepare them. I'd also stop with the "special foods" completely. Theyr'e meant to be snacks, but when they're in the house, she won't eat anything else.

What happens if you make yourself something and sit and eat in front of her, does she ask for some and want you to share?

I always feel a healthy child won't starve themselves so maybe let her get a little bit hungrier and hopefully a little more reasonable by seeing you enjoy something. If you can't afford the things she wants there is really nothing you can do she has to learn that those things are a really special treat and to appreciate them.

Have you tried making fun stuff like mickey mouse shaped pancakes? My DD is crazy about them but doesn't have any interest in regular round pancakes. lol

Good luck

Thanks for the ideas and support.

Dd is involved in any and all cooking whenever she wants... even though she turns up her nose when it's finished. I thought that this would encourage her to try new things but most of the time it doesn't work. But I still feel it's important so she is exposed to new/different foods and sees that they are 'normal'.

I do sit down to eat and ask her to sit with me (or us when dh is here) even if she doesn't want it.

That's a great idea about making these things at home. It might not keep her from wanting to eat just that, but it would save money and that would help!

I just wish I knew why food was such a big deal to her. She ate any and everything when she was little.

My dd has done something very similar, she used to eat well but is getting more and more picky.

I have been trying to make meals more interesting than snacks - bread and butter or apple slices. But I think the main thing is to be consistent - I hate to sound like my Mom, but there are starving kids in Africa.

no advice but I wanted to share that you're not alone. My sister got caught up on numbering meals, she called them meal number one two and three, not breakfast lunch and dinner. If we happed to skip lunch and just have a nice snack she would melt down come dinner and demand to know what happened to meal number two.

She did eventually get over it and eat. She's still picky but she doesn't let herself starve.

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We don't react now (well, most of the time) but dh did have some pretty intense 'Eat this or else' moments with her when she was younger. I showed him why it's okay that she doesn't want to eat some things and he's chilled out since, but I'm guessing it's left it's mark on her.

Kriket: Meal 1,2 and 3 is cute! Maybe I'll try that.

Since she asks "Mom, I need something." (her way of saying she wants something to eat) all day long I've thought of scheduling meals/snacks throughout the day and maybe making a picture that shows her the order of the day but thought that might make things worse.

She's really smart but when she's mad/upset she's completely unreasonable.

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maybe it's because her whole world went all topsy turvy when the new LO came home. when kids feel "out of balance" they do what they can to create that balance for themselves. for your daughter, it sounds like she's taking control of food, because it's something that she can control.

i really like the idea of making her special foods together. cashew butter might be a toughie... but sometimes costco has huge tubs of them for a really good price. if you had a food processor, you could do it.

i know you said that you've tried fun ways of presenting "meals" but what about doing away with the idea of meals (for her) for a while? i love the muffin tin presentation. maybe she could help you pick foods to put in each section of the muffin tin, and graze all day?

i feel your pain, mama. remember, though. you are meeting her needs. if food wasn't her issue, something else would be. be gentle with yourslef. you're doing a great job

It's also pretty normal for 3yo to get picky; they just do not need quite as much food, so they have some wiggle room to be picky.

However, very big however, some children will get past hungry and into tantrum territory, and then... Well, if your DD is like that, you can just know you're not alone.

Have you tried not having meals, but just having times of day you sit down to eat and she joins you or not? Could you plan meals that could sit around a bit, so she might go, "Oh, food, okay, I'll eat."? Do you eat with her or do you serve her then she east alone?

Things that helped with DD1 and DS- Just make food and begin to eat, then welcome them to join me if they asked. Have food at their places at the table before they got up in the morning or from nap. I made my own crackers, because crackers were THE thing in our house, as we never had them, so if I served crackers, they would eat.

Find exciting things to do that are not food: paint, paint the tiled bathroom walls, use clear water to paint the floor, color together, water play (bowl with a dash of soap and a whisk), etc. Things that are SOOO interesting that she will be busy with some novel thing.

I think much of this has been said already, but here's my two cents. First of all, you are SO not alone. Welcome to my world. We're ok on food (at the moment) but there are SO many things I negotiate with my older DD (she's 3.5) all day long, it is exhausting. And the meltdowns if things don't happen the right way...ugh! ... but I digress...

Here's what my approach would be... I think this more than likely is very very tied up in the whole new baby thing. And with kids this age it seems like 99% is about control of their world (or lack thereof). So, with that said, my tactic would be to try to find ways to give her control in every aspect of meals.

- if you and she sit down to talk about food, find time when it can be just you and her sitting together working on this stuff. And NOT during an eating time, preferably when she isn't hungry.
- make a list of all the foods she CAN have (or YOUR top 20 or so choices, either those that you make together or not.) And go through the list talking about what we like or dislike about each food. Have her circle or draw the top 10 foods she likes and agrees to eat.
- make an effort to have those foods readily available for her. And when she asks for them, or when you offer them, make a point of re-stating for her that this was a food SHE choose, not one you are choosing for her. "oh look, GREAT, we have jam and bread just like you wanted!! Great choice, I'm so glad you suggested we buy this!"
- find ways to have her help make and package foods she will eat. Make her own applesauce and find a cute way to store it, etc.
- set aside a spot in the fridge that is just her food, no one else is allowed to have. (Again, foods YOU have chosen for her, but sell them to her so that she feels SHE had a choice in them).
- encourage her own wacky and silly exploration of food - she wants to freeze her banana to see what it looks and tastes like? GREAT! Make it silly and fun and tell her when you think she's being creative with her ideas. If the banana comes out of the freezer and she thinks it looks yucky - what about putting it in the blender? Thawing it and mashing with a potato masher? Adding something to give it color or crunch? DD was sinking dried fruit in her milk yesterday and it looked so GROSS but she was happily eating away so I'm not going to complain!

etc etc... these are all just off the top of my head. Some of these *might* work with DD, some not. But I'd try them all!

My sister went through those stages a few times, from ages 3 to 7. Poptarts, applesauce, and Peking duck are the ones I remember. They were exactly as you describe, with the tantrums and the meltdowns and everything. I remember worrying about her a little bit; you don't normally think of a six-year-old worrying about her younger sister eating enough! So that tells you how bad it was. She is an adult now, perfectly fine and not even a picky eater. Although when a group of us get together for Peking duck, we still order an extra duck just for her (which may be why it's been five years since we did that).

I don't think my parents did anything special or served her "special foods" more often-- I know they didn't take us out for duck more often!-- they just waited for her to grow out of it.

OK, this may seem weird, but this is what I do sometimes when DS gets obsessed with a food. I let him eat it until he's sick of it or we run out. So, if she wants to eat granola bars all day, let her. She'll either get tired of them or eat the whole box. Either way, life is good. If she ate them all, make sure you let her know when you get to the last one and she can choose to save it or eat it. When there are none left, that's it. One day of gorging on granola bars isn't going to kill her, but it might teach her a lesson in how your belly feels when you eat too much of the same thing and if you eat all the snacks in one day, there aren't any left for the next day. You just buy them again when you have the money. She'll know that she ate them all and that's why there aren't any left. You'd be amazed at the power that knowledge holds.

I like to let my kid be in control of his food. It sounds like your DD thinks you are keeping the "good things" from her. Let her try to regulate her snacks for a few days and see what happens. That's my 2 cents, from out here in left field!