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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
you have ppl in your life trying to get you away from GD?

I live far away from my mom, but she is very critical of the way I parent. It's easy to say I shouldn't care what she thinks but she is my mom, yk? She thinks that Dr Phil and The Baby Whisperer are the way to go. When I told her of Dr Sears she said that is very inconvenient for you
She thinks that she has the "Right" to tell me how I should parent b/c she raised 3 kids on her own (dad died of cancer when I was 12).

Anyway, how do you handle these people?

TIA!!
 

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nod and smile.


and do what you think is right?

or, if you have recently had a nice large latte....



sometimes they wind up getting it.
 

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Well, at my very worst I've always wanted to say to my mother, "Yeah, look how well I turned out. I had sex at x age, I spent a summer in high school totally drunk, I had a string of really bad, almost abusive relationships, I wasted my education (as you tell me frequently), I'm in debt to my eyebrows, blah, blah... So maybe you guys weren't such a great example."

Of course, I never have. But oh do I want to sometimes. Mostly I just say "Thank you for your opinion" and go on with what I want to do anyway. And I HAVE told my father that if he ever loses his temper with my kids the way he did with us, he will never be allowed near them again.

No real helpful advise, but loads of sympathy!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks
At least it is good to know I am not the only one going through this.
 

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If she lives far away and you are mostly discussing things by phone I would just say, "uh huh, okay" and then parent how you want to. My mom agrees with me on most points in parenting but when she pulls one on me I just say, "uh huh" and she thinks Im agreeing and then I do what I want......
 

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I would just say "You've certainly given me something to think about."

And only you really need to know that what you're thinking about is why they're annoying the ever lovin' crap outta ya!
 

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alot of that insistance that "my way is the best way" is really insecurity. you're doing things so differently that it makes her feel defensive about the way she raised you, you know what im saying? so as long as she's not close enough to really cause you grief, just smile and nod, thank her for being such a good mama despite all the hardships of going it alone, and remind her that technology and research wasnt what it is today, that now we know alot more about babies and kids and phychology and blah blah blah...tell her that dr sears wasnt around then, or she may have given his method a try herself
 

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How?

Surround yourself with a support network of mamas who do GD and do it well. Your local LLL or AP playgroup is a good place to start, your local MDC tribe, and if all else fails, lurk on these boards with the commitment of an addict!


This place has helped me immensely, and I have no such real life support network in this city far from home.
 

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When does it come up? Does she bring it up randomly on the phone? Or in response to something you've said?

My mom hasn't said anything negative about my parenting style in a while--since dd's 3rd b-day (4 months ago), to be exact. And the reason is: we really haven't had any behavior issues since just before her 3rd b-day. It seems that my mom only criticizes/questions my parenting philosophies, and the authors that I read/trust, when we (dd and I) are struggling. Nothing like kicking you when you are down, huh?

Really, when I step back, I see that my mom cares deeply about me and dd, and wants to help. When dd and I were having a tough time of it, she heard all about our struggles (via phone calls). Living far away, she did not get the advantage of seeing our daily joys. I would certainly discuss our joys--but the struggles weighed heavily in her mind. She was worried that I was screwing this up!


In one particularly difficult phase (right before her 3rd b-day---really, really horrible and disturbing violent behavior for about 3 weeks--but a *phase!!), I called her one day to vent and weep. And she started in. And I told her that I was calling her and venting because she is my mommy, and I NEED to vent to her. My sanity depends upon it. But I am not asking her to fix it for me, kwim? I am not abandoning my parenting ideals. Dd *will* learn to control herself. I *will* continue to treat her with respect.

She told me that hearing about our struggles makes her feel helpless. She offers this advice--unsolicited and unwanted--because she desperately wants to help somehow. It was a good conversation, and I think we finally understood each other's pov.

I am hopeful that she has a bit more faith in gd, now that dd has finally reached a nice, long phase of cooperativeness and our family is working so well together as a team. She has allowed that "whatever we are doing, it is working"
. But it is a shame that her faith in my parenting choices is so directly tied to dd's behavior, cause I was a darn good mom when dd was in her "difficult" phase, too!
 
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