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Greetings,<br><br>
Some very generous and thoughtful people have asked what they could buy me for the baby. I'm grateful for their generosity, yet their question makes me feel awkward.<br><br>
Do I tell them I have a registry so they can pick something? Do I list the things I need? How am I supposed to know how much they want to spend?<br><br>
For example, my sister really wants to buy us a stroller. The stroller we want is $300, so I figured we'd end up getting that or some people would go in on it together.<br><br>
I sort of let the subject go with my sister but then she asked about it again. Finally, I told her the stroller we want is $300 and she laughed. I asked her if she thought that was too much or too little. She said she was expecting to pay $150 so she'd have to discuss it with her husband. That's a-okay. So I told her some other things we need that cost less, but she seems to be set on wanting to get us a stroller....And she's my sister so I can be a little less formal with her. But then my grandmother, in-laws and neighbors of my parents all want to know, and I feel uncomfortable listing what I need -- especially because my grandmother will want me to buy it and then give me a check (she can't get out to shop).<br><br>
The reason I like the registry idea is that people can see what I need and then they can pick based on what they like and what they want to spend, and I don't have to be in the middle as far as prices.<br><br>
Have any of the rest of you faced this awkward question? What do you think is the polite thing to do?<br><br>
hh
 

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I think its a good idea to tell them about your registry. That way they have a wide choice while still getting something that you want and you don't have to try to guess what their price range is.
 

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I told a few people about our registry when we were pregnant with Colwyn, but mostly people asked my mom, so she got to tell them. Are you going to have a shower? Maybe whoever plans it can be responsible for telling people that you have a registry, if you don't want to tell people yourself.
 

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When my aunt (who is my age and single) asked what we needed or wanted, i told her three small things we could use, so she could pick one (or all three, if she just wanted to shop her heart out). A registry is an awesome idea, and i love it when the person i'm shopping for has one, but since this is baby #3 for us, i'm not expecting gifts (we got a few with #2 but no baby shower) from anyone else, so a registry would be a little presumptuous in our situation.<br><br>
So...if this is baby #1, i'd definately register somewhere, and tell anyone who asks about it. If this isn't your first baby, but it's of the opposite gender of your first, then a registry is still probably a good idea, but personally, i would just give individuals a few ideas instead. I would NEVER send out the registry information, or a wish list to anyone who didn't ask for it though, unless it was attached to a shower invitation.
 

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I would just tell everyone who asks where you are registered - hopefully you have a wide variety of stuff in different price ranges and they can pick whatever they are comfortable w/ spending.
 

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it's fine to tell people where you're registered when they ask about gifts. (and the stroller we registered for is $350 so don't feel bad lol! but then again, my mom specifically said "register for a stroller. it should be about $300" because her fiance wants to get it for us)<br><br>
we also registered for a very expensive car seat. the thing about expensive stuff is, we don't mind buying it for ourselves! but we don't want someone else to get us a different one because they don't see it on the registry...yk? so we put the expensivo stuff on there not expecting it to be bought for us, but just to let people know that we have a plan for that item.<br><br>
with my sister I'd tell her either go ahead and get something else that she'd like to buy for the baby or give us a gift certificate (of course, I wouldn't say that to Aunt Ester but with sisters I think you're right about being less formal)
 

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We're pregnant with child #4 and have most of the baby stuff we need. We are in need of birth supplies, diaper covers and a minivan. Not things that people can just go and "pick up" at the store (well, the birth supplies are, but who wants to give you gauze pads and hydrogen peroxide? :LOL ).<br><br>
When people ask, we just say that we're pretty much set with baby supplies, but could use help purchasing birth supplies, diaper covers and donations to the minivan fund are always welcome. I'm sure most of my family members will buy clothes or other things for the baby that we absolutely don't need while we struggle to get a vehicle that will fit all of our kids and to be prepared for the birth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I'd say, if you have a registry, mention that. Or send out a mass email to friends and family with a "baby update" or "family update" and something that says something like, "Many people have been asking what we need for the baby....the top things on our list are: ______ and the link to our registry is _________."
 

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Baby #1 is 3 months old, and out of my 60+ item registry, I got probably 10 items. I just got back from walmart with a $150 gift card b/c I took back a ton of stuff that people gave me that I didn't really want/need. (Sorry, but I'm really sick of Winnie the Pooh and I don't need bottle brushes, pacifiers, etc.)<br><br>
While I loved the idea of the registry and enjoyed making it, I felt like it was a total waste of time b/c almost no one even bothered to look!<br><br>
If you think they will look that is GREAT and by all means tell them! Otherwise, I'd really try to think of some thing you REALLY want and ask different people for different things when they ask you. I wish I had. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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When people ask, I always mention the registry and then mention that I'm very happy to accept hand-me-downs from anyone, and that people have been very generous and we've been very lucky so we already have some of the big-ticket items, so if it's not on our registry we might already have one. I say this because we were given a brand-new crib by a friend for whom it didn't match the decor, found a $200 stroller by the side of the road, etc... and lots of well-off relatives have been wanting to buy the stroller or crib and would go ahead and purchase one even though those items aren't on the registry and we don't need them!<br><br>
I also like to suggest to friends that instead of spending money on us, we'd appreciate hand-made presents or frozen dishes. I figure if I mention the registry and low cost stuff we need then they can decide how much money they want to spend.
 

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I would tell them about some items that are on your registry, mention the registry but don't expect them to go to your registry store. If you get the same item from the registry and another from a difft store then return the one(s) to the registry store and buy something else that you really want.<br><br>
If you really want them to go to the registry store them tell them! And give the link (like someone mentioned earlier).<br><br>
I am saying this b/c our Babies r Us store (where we registered for #1) is VERY out of the way for most of my friends and family members (there is only one store around here) and most of my gifts came from other stores...when we got double gifts we took them back to the registry and got something else...or just kept the gift card to use for diapers/wipes or toys later on! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I'm using Felicite.com for my registry. What I like about it is that it not only tells people what you want and need, but allows them to put SOME of the money towards the item. So if you had that $350 stroller listed, your sister and her husband could put $150 towards the stroller and others could make up the difference. If nobody else donated towards the stroller, you would at least have the $150 towards that stroller as a gift.<br><br>
Also, it's great to have gifts listed with a wide range of prices. That way almost anyone can find something to get you if they want and still know that what they purchased will be valued by you.
 

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Ugh... I am getting so nervous just reading this thread. I am in the same position as OP, for the most part, and I am so afraid that people won't look at or buy from my registry. I spent so-o-o much time on it, mostly b/c the things on there are organic/natural products, and I tried to find good prices. My MIL is throwing the shower, and I gave her the link to put in the shower invite. After seeing the registry, she said, "is there anything you need that isn't on the registry that people can buy for you?" NO! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: But really, why would I leave out the things that I need? Someone on this site had a great idea for a letter to put in the invite, or just send out, about buying non-mainstream items, like a sling, CD supplies, etc. I put a letter like that in there, including "anything that we need that is not listed on the registry has been borrowed or bought secondhand". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> How hard is that to understand? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Ok, so I'm done ranting about MIL that I love otherwise. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I am just so scared that we'll end up with a bunch of polyester crap with cartoon characters on everything. I feel a bit like a spoiled brat... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: Keeping my fingers crossed for registry items for everyone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>henhao</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">. The stroller we want is $300, so I figured we'd end up getting that or some people would go in on it together.</div>
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Don't feel bad, the stroller we wanted with #1 was over a thousand dollars, and most stroller/carriage combos in Finland are that price range (if you got one for five hundred or so it would be the totally cheap brand that doesn't last more than one kid for sure--NOT KIDDING), so I had the in-laws get it for us. Now that I want a double stroller in the same high-end brand (<a href="http:" target="_blank">www.emmaljunga.se)</a>, luckily I didn't have to ask my in-laws to go out and drop another grand, their neighbors had an almost-new one that they gifted us with! (great neighbors! Well, rich neighbors :LOL --we barely know them).<br><br>
What did I reallllly want for #2 this time around? A brand new washing machine with twice the capacity of our old one. (Good lord our old one was tiny) My MIL came through again and got it for us last night and now I am content. Of course the 1500 dollars in newborn/small cloth diapers my husband is paying off my credit card himself this spring, bless his heart <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> . :LOL I love WAHM America! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
AP mamas pg with #2 or more....what on earth do you need to get at this point? I feel like we don't need anything really, except a bigger car to sport around this growing family in (#3 won't be that far down the line, I get preg at the drop of a hat) and a bigger bed because my son likes to roll around and have 'his space' at night and we get kicked in the face :LOL ....but those aren't things that people will buy us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> (Hey, auntie, we want a minivan! :LOL Best friend old pal, wanna get us a special-order-size-humongo bed??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: )
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kateana</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am just so scared that we'll end up with a bunch of polyester crap with cartoon characters on everything. I feel a bit like a spoiled brat... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: Keeping my fingers crossed for registry items for everyone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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If you have a Babies R Us near you, they have (at least they did 4 years ago) a very liberal return policy. They also sell some higher end carseats (Britax) and strollers (Peg Perego) so you can always take back any polyester/character junk and use it towards the purchase of a nice carseat or stroller. Just a thought.<br><br>
Most people I know would be unwilling to purchase slings and cloth diapers online. They will not go any further than their closest Walmart or Babies R Us. I figure why fight it? I'll just use it for my stroller fund. :LOL
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Butterflymom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">AP mamas pg with #2 or more....what on earth do you need to get at this point?</div>
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Well, we need everything, because i gave it all away, lol. The cruel irony is that i did away with the last of it just a few months before this baby came along, hahaha!
 

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you don't really need any of that stuff. Tell them you want homecooked meals, frozen in single-serving containers instead! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Really, that is exactly what I asked for when I was pregnant with my second. For some reason, nobody listened and got me plasticy junk I didn't want.... oh, well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
seriously, though, I'd just tell them where you are registered, and then ask for food, and maybe even some house cleaning help after the baby is born. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kateana</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am just so scared that we'll end up with a bunch of polyester crap with cartoon characters on everything. I feel a bit like a spoiled brat... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: Keeping my fingers crossed for registry items for everyone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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Not to be mean, but that does sound pretty spoiled to me...i mean, i understand what you're saying, that if someone wants to buy something, it may as well be something you really want, but organic (even "good prices") is expensive.<br><br>
Being someone who can't afford such things anyway, i'd never refuse, or take back, a gift, just because it wasn't exactly what i had in mind--it's the thought that counts, right? I've used and worn many things that i hated to look at, because the fact that someone was generous enough to give it to me was more important than it being exactly what i would have picked out for myself.<br><br>
Don't get me wrong, i think it's important to buy natural and organic products whenever possible, but to expect it at all times...well, i sure wish i was that spoiled! lol<br><br>
Again, i'm not trying to be hurtful or judgemental or bitter or whatever; just trying to show you another viewpoint. With that being said, if you end up with anything that doesn't meet your standards, feel free to send it this way, because we could sure use it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RyvreWillow</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Being someone who can't afford such things anyway, i'd never refuse, or take back, a gift, just because it wasn't exactly what i had in mind--it's the thought that counts, right?</div>
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I guess I need to jump in since I was suggesting that she take things back. I wasn't thinking along the lines of "its not organic, I refuse to put my baby in it." I was thinking of all of the "baby gadgets" and just plain clutter that so many people seem to feel we *need*. Like with DS, I received a giant turquoise plastic baby bottle from MIL, filled with (cheap quality) bottles, cups, pacifiers, rattles and the like. I would much rather she spend her $10 on a pack of gerber onsies without all the plastic decor surrounding it trying to make it look "cute". Also, a lot of people will buy new moms disposable diapers and if you plan to use cloth, those can be returned at Babies R Us or Walmart. Those are the kinds of returns I was thinking about, personally.<br><br>
I tend to give clothes to new moms (unless I can find something cool that is handmade) and usually buy in the next size up. But if someone returned it because it was not their style, etc I would not be upset.
 

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Well of course return things you can't use (like bottles when you only breastfeed)!<br><br>
I was upset by the "polyester and cartoons" statement--you know, we buy natural to fight consumerism, but that kind of attitude sounded even more materialistic to me; call it irony, lol.
 

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I absolutely understand what you two are saying, for sure, and I'm not offended! I do feel like it's coming off as spoiled, and I think that I left out some things that would... make it not seem so bad (or materialistic for that matter!). (And I don't want to offer EXCUSES, b/c I know it is a bit spoiled, but there is still more to it, yk?) For example, we literally have everything that's not on the registry, like strollers, gadgets, highchairs, carseats, everything at all that we'll need and also some stuff that definitely isn't needed at all, but we got hand-me-downs. On top of that, we're bfing and cding, including cloth wipes, so we won't need the usual sposies, wipes and formula (in the form of store credit). As for clothes, I've been buying stuff I love at thrift stores and garage sales for years (guilty pleasure, shopping for my unborn babes), and I also have a ton of hand-me downs in conventional cotton that I will use to supplement and make up for what we don't get from the registry. (And just to explain why we buy what we do: organic=no chemicals, used conventional cotton=less chemicals and landfill space. Also, for things we can't buy organic, like strollers, etc., we get used b/c we are cheap and it's for a baby who will never know the difference!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> So, when it comes down to it, whatever ppl buy for us that isn't on the registry will be returned, but we have no use for the store credit (at Baby stores). That's my frustration, I guess. I won't be sad at all if nobody buys me the hemp/organic cotton baby wipes I registered for, b/c I'll just cut up some used receiving blankets that I have already. No big deal. But if ppl buy a new adorable outfit or something at Babie's R Us, I'll be feeling a bit annoyed (and spoiled, yes) that they couldn't just get something we could really use. I know organic is expensive, but I am just hoping that ppl will spend the amount they want to and get us less quantity. I just put so much time into the registry to make a list of quality things that we can use for many kids to come...<br><br>
So anyways, I totally understand what you are saying, bensmom and ryverwillow! I have (IMHO, good) reasons for choosing the organic things I did, but at the same time I know that there is some spoiled-ness in having the disappointed attitude that I do. I'll have to be creative with finding ways to use the store credit that I get. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
If I still seem as spoiled, and especially materialistic, PLEASE call me on it again, b/c I definitely don't want to be that way. If I am that way, I need to figure out how to change that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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