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So this is an odd question but, what do you say when people ask why your dc is so good. I am not saying mine is or anything (though,I do think she is fabulous
), but I feel like the only answers I can give are ones that will say what they are doing is all wrong, or insult their parenting in some way. I don't want to be offensive.
Here's an example, today in the parking lot of a local store, we saw a friend and her wonderful child. Her dc was running across the parking lot, she was doing the 123, time out, yelling kind of stuff with no response, she finally chased her dc down and put her in the car. my dd was standing beside me holding my hand and occasionally asking me for something to eat. My friend was frantic and asked why my dd listens so well. I didn't really say much except for the fact that she's a bit older and maybe in time it will change for her dc.
Really I think I know the answer, we don't yell unless her life is in jeopardy and it isn't at her, its just a yell so she knows something serious is goingon, we explain the potential danger of things long before the situation arises, amungst other notions, essentially we use GD as best as I know how. How do you explain this to someone, because it would be great if others could learn the benefits, without offending them in any way? Many of our friends are not AP and don't use GD but I love them nonetheless, just harder to understand a few things. I never want to upset them by implying that things are not right with what they are doing...
ANy thoughts?
 

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good question. we're starting to experience this too. i have one friend who is convinced it's because she's a girl and that i'm going to get a reality check when my ds is a toddler.
 

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I always leaned toward GD and I still have a lot of issues now, so I don't think that all kids who are difficult are so b/c of how the parent is parenting them, although they could certainly make it worse. That said, if hers is younger than yours (2.5?) and she is *expecting* her child to listen to everything and stand by her in a parking lot at all times, then I'd say that's the problem right there.
 

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I would tell them that all kids have their good and bad days, and then if they genuinely seemed to want specific advice then I would try to give it to them. Of course in my case there really are good and bad days. Plenty of children who are gently disciplined don't always act as we would want.

I also agree about the expectations thing. My dd is two and sometimes she is just fine walking on the sidewalk holding my hand and sometimes I need to pick her up. I think it's her age, there is very little impulse control, it's perfectly normal. In a parking lot I would always pick her up and not take the risk at all. The cars have no chance of seeing her and she could dart off.
 

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It would depend a lot on who was saying it and what the situation was. If someone without kids said it I'd likely say "all kids are good". If someone was comparing like in your situation I would say "different kids struggle with different things" or "I like this age" or "today's a good day" all of those things are honest. If however the friend was really saying hey what I'm doing isn't working, I might comment that I read a book that's really helped and that gives the opening for them to ask to borrow it.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Hazelnut
I always leaned toward GD and I still have a lot of issues now, so I don't think that all kids who are difficult are so b/c of how the parent is parenting them, although they could certainly make it worse. That said, if hers is younger than yours (2.5?) and she is *expecting* her child to listen to everything and stand by her in a parking lot at all times, then I'd say that's the problem right there.
Ditto! I think parents (by parents I am including my DH and I) often have unrealistic expectations of our children. We do our adult things, like shop or chit chat at a restaurant and forget about their attention and interest spans, naptime, etc. I've often been grocery shopping and my son starts to be "inappropriate" and I'm thinking "What is wrong with him??!" and then I'm like, Oh, yeah, he's been sitting in a cart (or in a sling) for too long, or he's ready for a nap or something like that. I think I do my best job as a parent when I look at life from his point of view and strategize from there. Going to the Country Club for lunch, my hubby and I see a bunch of golf carts and don't think anything of it- he sees the carts and goes "Playtime!!"

We often get comments on how "good" our 2 year old son is--and it's hard not to say stuff that could come off as cocky or insulting. I believe our son's good naturedness is a combo of his personality, extended nursing, and GD. When someone comments on his behavior, I usually attribute it to his personality. Depending on the situation, or if someone asks "how do you do it" I say something like "Oh, Dr. Sears' books were a Godsend," or "I wasn't really sure it would work, but I was really surprised on how extended nursing really has helped us."
 

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I'd like to preface with a slight tangent to this topic.

I really hate when parents disparage their kids, either to them or to other parents. And more to the point, the unspoken pressure to do it. I know you didn't addresss this directly, but it seems like an undercurrent in this situation. It sounds like she might have been expecting you to say something about how really your DC was a hellion at home or someting, and that it wasn't really so great as it looked in that moment. Like, perhaps she doesn't want to see the clear example of respectful parenting and feel a sense of not measuring up.

It certainly may not be the case, but it smells like that to me...

Now that said, it's also very true that all kids (well, mine anyway
) have smooth moments and difficult moments. It's really hard to paint an appropriate picture with people who look at immediacy and not a whole picture. It's how we treat DC during the difficult times that promote more of the smooth times later. But those who want only instant control will not think like this. You know, if this very moment a child is "good" then you're a "good" parent, and if at this very moment a child it "bad" then you don't know what you're doing...

I don't know if this discribes your friend or not, but it seems like a thing that needs discussing as a general aspect of this situation.

I have also used the line that I listen to him. It's simple and true. If it intrigues the other parent they are free to ask more.
 

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I have just started posting here, but have been lurking for months and just need to comment on this one. I have a very spirited 21 month old DS. He is a wonderful little boy, but in no way would I describe him as "easy." He keeps me on my toes at all times. I am very GD with him, and have a strong background in early childhood development...(have a BA and MA in early childhood).

I have a friend who is very strict with her DD who is the same age as my DS, but not yelling, shaming or hitting, just strict with lots of rules. Her dd is has a mellow personality, is very easygoing and "obedient". That's the best way to put it. When she is approached with the question of why her dd is so "good" by other mom's or her family she says it is because she is such a good strict parent. Gives no credit to the dd or takes into account her personality and tempremant.

She has all but said that my son's spiritedness is caused by my parenting style. I totally disagree, since my son is just like my DH and I when it comes to adventure and curiosity. He has his great days and he has days when I say extra prayers for patience. He is an awesome little guy and makes life so fun and exciting.


I guess my point is that pointing out differences in children is so important. I am not saying that your friend couldn't tweak her parenting style or anything, but realize that sometimes it is the child who makes the difference, and for those of us having the "rough" day it helps to have a little understanding.
 

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I agree with you, bugginsmom!

I know a family who is not at all GD. They spank, CIO, and are generally very strict. The kids are terrified of the parents and because of that, they are "perfect" kids. They obey instantly. They always use their manners. And I feel so sorry for them.

A lot of times I think my kids look a little more "out of control" than some kids. And that's becasue I let them be themselves. They don't walk all over me, but they definitely have a say in what is going to happen in our lives.

People are more likely to ask, "Why are your kids so creative and happy?" rather than, "Why are your kids so good?"
 

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I usually smile and say, "Thanks! They are wonderful people and I am blessed to be a part of thier lives."

My kids show well and I think a large part of it is how we treat them at home. We treat them like people, not incapable little kids.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by dharmama
good question. we're starting to experience this too. i have one friend who is convinced it's because she's a girl and that i'm going to get a reality check when my ds is a toddler.

DS1 was a handful and a half...very active, on the go, creative, imaginative, very dramatic. A friend once told me that he had more energy than her two sons combined (it was true).

DD leaves him in the shade. She's more active, more volatile, just as dramatic - you name it...she's just...more.

People have really weird ideas about girls being easier, or girls being harder. Different kids, different temperaments...ds2 has been so easy (by comparison) that I feel as if I'm cheating...
 

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LOL I tell them "she's not good. She's fantastic, she's a joy to be around, but good? Don't want one of those kids".
Or sometimes i say, "Dunno, must be the not-smacking/shouting/shaming/humiliating"
or "Maybe co-sleeping and breastfeeding 'still' is actually a good thing?"

It's kinda wierd because if they only 'knew' that she wakes every hour and has done since birth, and didn't do any of the other 'good' things, yk eating, hair/teeth brushing, getting dressed. LOL. people are wierd. What gets me going is when people say to their kid, "look at Sophie, she's being good why can't you?" I could scream when I hear that. Their poor little kids.

Mostly she is 'good' because like lots of the PP's we just try not to set her up to 'fail'. We just don't make a big deal out of normal 2 year old behaviour.
 

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Oh BTW Sophie has her moments when she doesn't listen/does stuff we have asked not to/whinges/runs off but I think people don't 'notice' so much because we just kind of deal with it. Not make a big song and dance. And eah. Her personality is to be quiet arond lots of people so when we are in public that's what she shows others.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Susuhound
What gets me going is when people say to their kid, "look at Sophie, she's being good why can't you?" I could scream when I hear that. Their poor little kids.
Totally! I always comment on that too... Poor kids.

I also agree it's all in how we handle the difficult times that makes or breaks the relationship - both in how others perceive DC, and in how DC feels and relates to others...
 

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I was thinking about this thread as I was falling asleep last night and I think my new response to this question might be something like...

Why is she so good?

Well....I'd like to think it's our use of attachment parenting but honestly...you've just caught us on a good day!


So that way I can still plug AP but be honest that we have our good days and bad days (and if it sparks some interest they can google AP and learn all about co-sleeping and EBF, GD etc.).
 

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I just say "all kids are good"
But I've never been in that situation with a parent with kids. It's always been childless adults (or adults who have grown kids).
 

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What gets me going is when people say to their kid, "look at Sophie, she's being good why can't you?" I could scream when I hear that. Their poor little kids.

I heard variations of this all.the.time. and I think it was more detrimental for me than the spanking. It's what I remember the most. It totally sucks, and of course doesn't take into account that little kids aren't all the same much less at all moments. Needs, needs, needs.
 
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