[gardenmom]

I'm in the same boat right now--I'm not sure what 'AP parenting of a toddler' should be like, but I'm trying very hard to do what I think is along those lines. Some days are wonderful, and some days are very hard.

Audrey is 22 months and still not talking a lot, though she understands everything we say to her, and more words are coming daily now. I am sure that not being able to express herself clearly is very frustrating to her, and causes a lot of our problems. I wouldn't call dd 'spirited' (not quite), but it is a constant challenge to keep up with her--it seems that we either have a wonderful, happy time or a horrible nasty time, with no middle ground.

DD is very agressive toward me, too--climbing on me, biting, pulling hair, etc.--basically she will not allow me to just sit down and relax for 5 minutes if I'm in the same room with her (which is all the time) without clingy/agressive behavior, and I just don't have any solution for this. I am very tired of saying "...please stop, that hurts mommy' over and over, since that's clearly not doing any good, but don't feel that I can just allow her to keep hurting me. This is the hardest part of our AP relationship, and I don't have a solution for it so far...(anybody have a solution? Please PM me, pleeeeeassse!).

I struggle with the yelling as well, and often find myself raising my voice when I just don't know what to do anymore.

: I also struggle with the feeling that the 'me' has vaporized, and I'm just mama, both to dd and dh, a lot of the time.

And then there are (mostly) good times where we all get along and things go smoothly and dd is cuddly and huggy and content....

 

[gardenmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sylith Minimize separation from my toddler Whenever possible allow time and space for him to do things at his own pace and in his own way Listen to him when he talks Talk to him, too - in ways that help him to negotiate his world Lots and lots of touching, cuddling, reading books, nursing Anticipate and allow for his needs, especially in situations or places that don't really accommodate children Try to understand and respect his view of the world I think I am ...hijacking the thread. Sorry.

NO--you're not hijacking the thread (I don't think so, but I jumped in later). I appreciate the list that you made of the things you do...it makes me feel like WE ARE doing a fair job of AP, despite our difficulties in understanding if we're doing the right things for dd SOME of the time...

We also had a very rough time of it when dd was tiny, helpless and crying a lot and we couldn't soothe her. There were a few months of being up all night that I thought neither dh or I would make it

When I think back on that, this age is much easier....also what you said reinforced my feeling that dd not talking much has everything to do with the difficulties we're having now (look how many items include communication)!

 

[gardenmom]

I would love to hear specific examples of how you enforce boundaries and the 'no means no' idea with your toddlers. I feel like dd is saying "...yeah, right, ma" or "that's funny..." when we get to those situations.

 

[gardenmom]

Ok, I started a new thread for the "no means no" discussion...it's here:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...98#post1682698