[eclipse]

CLW is a term that has been bandied

about on this forum a lot lately, and i think a lot of people have different definitions of what it means. . .so i'll throw a few questions out.

just as a note, this thread is intended for discussion, not judgement. i'm asking questions because i'm curious about people's opinions, not because i'm interested in getting everyone to agree with *my* opinion. so i won't answer my own questions for now. fwiw, i am a tandem nursing mama of a 3 1/2 yo (who plans, in his words "to have nummies until i get MARRIED!) and a just turned 1 yo). might be helpful if you include that sort of info in your response, so we know where you're coming from. and also, if you feel you are practicing/will practice CLW based on your definition.

okay, here are some discussion questions for you. answer none, or all, or add your own!

1) in 250 words or less

, how do you define CLW?

2) is it possible for a mother to assist in weaning, and still be practicing CLW? (i'm thinking - a mother feeling like her child might be receptive, discussing and agreeing with the child on a date or time - that sort of thing)

3) Does CLW mean never refusing?

4) Is a mother who decides to respectfully and gently night wean, while still day nursing, practicing CLW?

5) is there a difference, in your mind, between CLW and natural weaning?

6) Does CLW always mean breastfeeding until a child articulates that they are ready to stop (or simply stops asking?)? i guess a distinction could be made here between child *led* weaning and child *dictated* weaning. . .(please don't be offended by the choice of the word dictator. i can't think of another one to use. but now i'm LMAO thinking of a five year old running around with a hitler mustache demanding the booby!

)

anyhow - debate, discuss - please don't flame!

 

[mom2threenurslings]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eclipse 1) in 250 words or less , how do you define CLW? 2) is it possible for a mother to assist in weaning, and still be practicing CLW? (i'm thinking - a mother feeling like her child might be receptive, discussing and agreeing with the child on a date or time - that sort of thing) 3) Does CLW mean never refusing? 4) Is a mother who decides to respectfully and gently night wean, while still day nursing, practicing CLW? 5) is there a difference, in your mind, between CLW and natural weaning? 6) Does CLW always mean breastfeeding until a child articulates that they are ready to stop (or simply stops asking?)? i guess a distinction could be made here between child *led* weaning and child *dictated* weaning. . .(please don't be offended by the choice of the word dictator. i can't think of another one to use. but now i'm LMAO thinking of a five year old running around with a hitler mustache demanding the booby! ) anyhow - debate, discuss - please don't flame!

The definition of CLW changes from person to person. These are my answers, off the top of my head ... and are my opinion...

1. To me, child-led weaning means that you follow your child's cues and meet your child's nursing needs until your child either loses interest in nursing and self-weans, or until your child makes the decision to self-wean.

2. To me, if the mother assists in the weaning process when the child isn't ready to take a step in the weaning process, it's mother-assisted weaning, not child-led weaning. If the child is receptive to and ready for a change in the nursing relationship and it is discussed and agreed upon by mother and child ... and if the child's needs are taken into consideration and are met even if it goes against said agreement ... then it would still go along with CLW. (Whereas in natural weaning, the child would be allowed to nurse without maternal influence.)

3. Child-led weaning doesn't mean never refusing. Just as we don't give our children every thing they ask for every time they ask for it, we don't need to nurse our child every time they ask if it's not a good time or if there is something else interfering. For example, I wouldn't pull the car over to nurse a child that I could discuss the need to wait with. It would be ok to put off nursing for a while to finish cooking dinner, until you're out of the grocery store, if you're sick and need some rest, etc., as long as the nursing needs are met (versus the nursing wants).

4. For me the issue of night-weaning poses the most questions. In my opinion, if the child is receptive to night weaning and doesn't have a NEED to nurse at night (as in, the need for comfort can be fulfilled by cuddling and thirst can be quenched by a cup of water), then yes, gentle, night-weaning can go along with CLW. However, if nightweaning is done against the child's wishes / needs, then I don't think it goes along with CLW.

5. To me, CLW and natural weaning are very similar, but not the same. In CLW, there is some room for maternal influence over the nursing relationship. In natural weaning, the child's needs are met without night weaning, limit-setting, etc.

6. To me, for it to be truely CHILD-LED weaning, the decision of when to wean is determined by the child. If the mother decides when the child will wean, then the weaning isn't child-led.

After typing all this, it reminded me how gray the line can be with some of these questions and how the answers can be seen differently by different people. I think the biggest thing is the term "led". This inferrs that the child is doing the leading, but that mom might have input as well. Throwing natural weaning into the mix helps clarify the definition a bit for me, since for me, natural weaning would be child-dictated (or determined) weaning and CLW would allow for some influence by mom, although the majority of the nursing relationship would be determined by the nursling.

 

[UrbanPlanter]

I agree with all of the above, and will add this:
My ds is 27 mo, and I offer him alternatives to nursing if the time is not convenient. If he is adament and/or inconsolable about nursing, then I will nurse him. But if he accepts the distraction, then that is fine, too.

I demand respect from him in our nursing relationship as much as I give him the respect he demands from me. That said, if he hits or bites or does something along those lines, I will delay the nursing session or completely cut it off for the time being. But I always try to respect his need to nurse. I do think it is natural to establish certain limitations or rules, which go along with the mutual respecting of nursing. My ds might set rules as well, such as: he wants to begin his nap by nursing on the couch, even though I would prefer to nurse in the bed where he will fall asleep. So I do nurse him on the couch and then carry him to the bed when he is asleep. So the limits/rules are not just coming from me!

 

[MamaAllNatural]

Everything Amanda said, exactly.

 

[mother_sunshine]

For us, child-led weaning is pretty simple. It simply means that dd will wean when she says and shows that she is ready to wean. And if she says she is ready but then later decides that she's not ready (which happended recently) then I will once again let her nurse until she is ready to fully and completely wean.

IMO if the mother constantly pressures (verbally and/or physically) the child to ultimately wean then that is not child-led. But if the mother gently limits nursing times (including at night), within reason of course, that is still child-led if the child makes the final decision to completely wean. Breastfeeding is a partnership not a dictatorship so both child and mother's feelings matter and should be respected whatever the style of nursing and weaning.

IMO, a mother who says she is doing CLW but then ultimately decides to wean the child herself (regardless of the age of the child), then that is logically NOT CLW.

"Don't offer, don't refuse" is a different method but can certainly be a big part of child-led weaning (beyond the age of 3 at least).

I haven't read any books on child-led weaning so I am just giving my definition of it....it is so subjective anyway so what "expert" would have the right to define it anyway. Every mother has a right to define "CLW" the way she wishes as long as the child is ultimately deciding when to wean....hence the name CHILD-LED WEANING.

BTW, my daughter is 7.5yrs.

 

[huntersmommy]

I am tandem nursing and I am completely committed to clw.
Until my dd was almost 3.5 yrs she nursed at night....then with a newborn and lots of illness I ask her one night if it would be okay if I slept that night. I said if she needed to cuddle that was fine,but could we wait to nurse till morning..because I was really tired and needed some sleep. She gaveme a big hug and kiss and said "sure mama!"
I think since that night she has only asked to nurse at night a couple times and it was because she was sick. So I feel that she was totally ready to not nurse at night...I dare not call it nightw**ning or I think I might cry.
Just like me dd isn't ready to see our nursing relationship end, I am not either. I honestly can't imagine her not nursing.
That said...I don't nurse her every single time she asks either. if we are out or I am making dinner or busy with ds she is old enough to understand that she needs to wait.
I nurse ds on demand...I will still pull the car over to nurse him if he needs it.
I really feel clw and natural weaning are listening to your child and respecting there needs.
I don't think I feel mother initiated weaning is child led even if the child is 5 or 6 yrs. I don't judge someone who chooses to encourage (that isn't really want I want to say but I can't think of a better word) gradual weaning. I just will personally wait for my children to tell me, "I am ready to stop"
Even if that means I nurse for the next 10 yrs. It makes me proud to know I have been nursing for almost 5 yrs and there is no end in sight.
Instead of thinking I am creating dependent children, I feel my dd is more indepentent because she chooses herself to conituine nursing.
Actually her best freind is a bit envious that dd still nurses and loves to watch her nurse. She thinks it is so cool.
:

 

[MamaAllNatural]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mother_sunshine as long as the child is ultimately deciding when to wean....hence the name CHILD-LED WEANING.

This is, to me, the all encompassing definition of CLW.