Motherhood is so different than I thought it would be. Mainly I just didn't know my baby could nurse sooooooo much or need me over everyone else so much. That may sound dumb but I just didn't know it would be like this in good ways and bad. I wanted to hear from other mom's what surprised them.
What has surprised you the most about motherhood
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Also, how HARD it is sometimes! I don't think anyone realizes the patience you muster up, the exhaustion, the caring for the baby when you're sick, the nights of holding/rocking/nursing, and all of that until you actually do it. I definitely wasn't aware of how difficult motherhood is. Now, though, I realize I'm doing the most important thing I'll ever do in my life. And that surely isn't supposed to be easy.
I am amazed at how motherhood has completely changed my attitude about things. A few years ago, I used to be so gung-ho on career and I used to think that women who stayed at home to raise kids were sell-outs or hurting feminism or something.
Now that I have my baby I just want to be with him all the time and I can't imagine how any mother bears having to put her child into daycare. That would tear my heart out. I now can't believe how I used to feel about motherhood when I was in my 20's and it is sosurprising how much my priorities have shifted!
I work from home which is a great compromise but I often wish that I didn't have to worry about work so I could focus on my son 100%. I never thought I would bethis devoted to another person, that I would ever want to put my own wants/needs aside for someone else. But that is the main difference that I have learned is that you aren't putting your own wants aside-- your wants just change. Now I WANT to do everything I can for my son and that *is* what I want. The things that I used to want for myself now seem so superficial.
I used to think kids would be really expensive but I have found now that when I do go shopping I just buy things for the baby, and not for myself. So I am not spending any more money than I was before. Now to a non-mother, that would sound like a big sacrifice, but it doesn't feel like one. Since I want to buy stuff for my baby. I really have no interest anymore in things I used to buy for me (DVDs, clothes, etc.) Everything has changed.
Now that I have my baby I just want to be with him all the time and I can't imagine how any mother bears having to put her child into daycare. That would tear my heart out. I now can't believe how I used to feel about motherhood when I was in my 20's and it is sosurprising how much my priorities have shifted!
I work from home which is a great compromise but I often wish that I didn't have to worry about work so I could focus on my son 100%. I never thought I would bethis devoted to another person, that I would ever want to put my own wants/needs aside for someone else. But that is the main difference that I have learned is that you aren't putting your own wants aside-- your wants just change. Now I WANT to do everything I can for my son and that *is* what I want. The things that I used to want for myself now seem so superficial.
I used to think kids would be really expensive but I have found now that when I do go shopping I just buy things for the baby, and not for myself. So I am not spending any more money than I was before. Now to a non-mother, that would sound like a big sacrifice, but it doesn't feel like one. Since I want to buy stuff for my baby. I really have no interest anymore in things I used to buy for me (DVDs, clothes, etc.) Everything has changed.
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EVERYTHING'S changed! He comes before *anything* and that's the way it should be...
Never knew I could put someone else before ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
And I second the thing about daycare, I don't see how anybody can do it, especially since I used to work in a baby room at a daycare!!
Never knew I could put someone else before ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
And I second the thing about daycare, I don't see how anybody can do it, especially since I used to work in a baby room at a daycare!!
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I had no idea how attached I would be to this little one. How I would (at times) resent being the 24/7 caretaker, but at the same time, not really trust anyone else to do it.
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I've also had a shift in attitude about the importance of my own career/interests...but not as much as some people. I thought it was ridiculous when my younger sister gave up her own identity and interests when she had a child. Now I realize how it happened - but I still don't think that I'll go to the lengths that she did.
There were also just day-to-day things that didn't turn out as I had planned. I had no expectations for how bf would go. I thought it would be too painful, so I wasn't counting on it to last long (we're still doing it, and love it). I thought DF would get up in the night and feed DS (haha!). I thought I would pump more (ugh). I thought DS would sleep in a crib. He refused from the start, and we've been cosleeping ever since. I thought I would CD, but I've been so overwhelmed (and don't have my own W/D) so I never got that far. I had a colicky (now just high needs) baby, so he's been more work than I ever expected.
There were also just day-to-day things that didn't turn out as I had planned. I had no expectations for how bf would go. I thought it would be too painful, so I wasn't counting on it to last long (we're still doing it, and love it). I thought DF would get up in the night and feed DS (haha!). I thought I would pump more (ugh). I thought DS would sleep in a crib. He refused from the start, and we've been cosleeping ever since. I thought I would CD, but I've been so overwhelmed (and don't have my own W/D) so I never got that far. I had a colicky (now just high needs) baby, so he's been more work than I ever expected.
How much it bleeds over into all aspects of my life now.
I see all babies/kids as my own. I want to love them all.
I was NEVER a baby/kid person before my son was born, I mean I never even held a baby, changed a diaper or really liked them all that much.
Now I gawk at every baby, wanna hold 'em and just truly care about their well-being.
I really didn't see this part of motherhood coming!
I see all babies/kids as my own. I want to love them all.
I was NEVER a baby/kid person before my son was born, I mean I never even held a baby, changed a diaper or really liked them all that much.
Now I gawk at every baby, wanna hold 'em and just truly care about their well-being.
I really didn't see this part of motherhood coming!
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How much I DON'T mind the sacrifices. If you had told me a year ago that my husband would be sleeping in the study (snoring and co-sleeping don't mix for us!), that it would take me a month to read a single book, that I would never wake up on my own time schedule (ever, ever again), and that I would have to decline exciting professional opportunities because the baby was teething... well, I would have rethought the whole deal! But from my current perspective things are going terrific and I couldn't ask for more. It doesn't even occur to me to think of stuff like this as sacrifices--it's just what works for us right now.
I understood a lot about parenting before I became one, but it's impossible to imagine the mindset without actually going through the experience. Reflecting on that sure has helped me be less judgemental of others!
I understood a lot about parenting before I became one, but it's impossible to imagine the mindset without actually going through the experience. Reflecting on that sure has helped me be less judgemental of others!
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Definitely how intense my love for my child was - not that I thought I wouldn't love her, but I guess I never realized how strong that could be.
How much stronger I feel the plight of other mothers/children around the world. I can't hear or see about something happening to a child without getting seriously upset, both for the child and for what the mother is going through. I can feel what it would be like to have the situation happen to my child.
Similarly, how much stronger I feel about issues that seemingly don't affect my day to day life. This last election was very hard for me because suddenly issues like the environment weren't abstract - these were things that were hurting (or going to hurt) my child. And I was suprised how much harder it made talking about any of this, I have a hard time discussing it rationally since its no longer abstract like it used to be - it has very concrete reprocussions in my mind.
How much stronger I feel the plight of other mothers/children around the world. I can't hear or see about something happening to a child without getting seriously upset, both for the child and for what the mother is going through. I can feel what it would be like to have the situation happen to my child.
Similarly, how much stronger I feel about issues that seemingly don't affect my day to day life. This last election was very hard for me because suddenly issues like the environment weren't abstract - these were things that were hurting (or going to hurt) my child. And I was suprised how much harder it made talking about any of this, I have a hard time discussing it rationally since its no longer abstract like it used to be - it has very concrete reprocussions in my mind.
I'm most surprised by how strong my instincts have become! I've been following them and so far so good, I'm really amazed at how easily I've transitioned into motherhood.
I'm also surprised at how many people surpress their instincts. Now that I have a baby I can't imagine how anyone could ignore a crying baby, leave it in a swing or bassinet all day, think their baby is trying to manipulate them, etc.
I'm also surprised at how many people surpress their instincts. Now that I have a baby I can't imagine how anyone could ignore a crying baby, leave it in a swing or bassinet all day, think their baby is trying to manipulate them, etc.
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i was surprised at how much my "plan" didn't matter.i had this hole plan for the way i would do things but i quickly discovered that my plan and what my sweet gal needs are not always the same.no worry though cause she always lets me know when i need to change the plan.
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Well, at the time of ds birth, I didn't know anything about AP, although we stumbled across it fairly easy because ds is a high-need baby!
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I didn't expect to have a high-need baby *I didn't even know that there was such a thing!* So it came as a complete suprise when my ds refused to be put down. It's been a blessing because it is constantly forcing me to be more and more the parent I want to become rather than just following the status quo.
I didn't know how much becoming a parent would make me feel so strongly about anything child-related. Or how my mind set and opinions I had already formulated would completely change. I look at everything so much differently now.
I didn't know how much I could possibly love another person. I didn't know how much his smiles and giggles would melt my heart. How proud I would feel whenever he learns or discovers something new. How amazing being a mother is!
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I didn't expect to have a high-need baby *I didn't even know that there was such a thing!* So it came as a complete suprise when my ds refused to be put down. It's been a blessing because it is constantly forcing me to be more and more the parent I want to become rather than just following the status quo.
I didn't know how much becoming a parent would make me feel so strongly about anything child-related. Or how my mind set and opinions I had already formulated would completely change. I look at everything so much differently now.
I didn't know how much I could possibly love another person. I didn't know how much his smiles and giggles would melt my heart. How proud I would feel whenever he learns or discovers something new. How amazing being a mother is!
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7,392 Posts
I've never ben a patient person but motherhood has helped me find reserves of patience that I never knew were there. Guess it's all the patience I didn't use up the first 28 years of my life.
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I still get stressed out and have my moments, but I've come a long way.
I have learned to trust my instincts. I'm parenting DS the way he needs and anyone, friends family or stranger, who doesn't like it can take a flying leap.
OTOH, I never realized how strong the craving for a milkshake can be.
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: DS shows no signs of outgrowing this dairy & soy insensitivity so it may be several more years before I can eat dairy again. And I'm OK with that, because it is what DS needs.
I have learned to trust my instincts. I'm parenting DS the way he needs and anyone, friends family or stranger, who doesn't like it can take a flying leap.
OTOH, I never realized how strong the craving for a milkshake can be.
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both the highs and the lows. I never realised just how physically *perfect* our babies were - I have burst into tears just looking at my daughter's ears, or eyelashes, or fingernails. The miracle of birth and childhood just blows me away...
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Also, I am definitely a mama bear now! And though I really thought I loved my job and career I now know that I have found my true vocation....mothering
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Ooooh, and I had no idea that it was possible to survive on so little sleep!
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Also, I am definitely a mama bear now! And though I really thought I loved my job and career I now know that I have found my true vocation....mothering
Ooooh, and I had no idea that it was possible to survive on so little sleep!
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11,617 Posts
How much I could love her
How I would fall in love with my dh on a whole different level when I see him stare at his baby girl.
How I could break out in tears in public watching a scene from a movie where a child is trapped in a burning building.
How inadequate I'd feel at times. (like when dd is sick)
How much more important family became to me.
How I would fall in love with my dh on a whole different level when I see him stare at his baby girl.
How I could break out in tears in public watching a scene from a movie where a child is trapped in a burning building.
How inadequate I'd feel at times. (like when dd is sick)
How much more important family became to me.
I didn't expect the crazy "what-if" thoughts that go through my head at random moments. I've always been sort of a "worst case scenario" planner, but now I have other variables to consider.
I guess it runs in the family. When I moved out of my parents' house my dad bought me a fire ladder and made me promise to practice.
I guess it runs in the family. When I moved out of my parents' house my dad bought me a fire ladder and made me promise to practice.
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