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i've been with the kids dad for 7 years in jan of next year. he has been bugging me for a divorce since jan of 2003. i didn't want to give it to him because well, i adore him and want to be with him. but he doesn't return the affection he will literally push me away. and not hug me. he is not even fun anymore ..........if i divorce him i feel like a failure. like i've really failed at something important... so yesterday i finally agreed to a divorce. he will get it in nicaragua because it is much cheaper. he needs my birth certificate which i can get. i was just waiting for him to take me in his arms and tell me that he adored me and was in love with me but i don't think that will ever happen. this is the deal. he leaves july 12 for nicaragua and comes back august 12th. i don't want him to come back to our house if we are divorced. i don't want him to come back anyways.

i feel like i'm kicking him out and i'm sure that is how he sees it. but i dont' want him here.
 

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Wait, HE wants a divorce, but he thinks it is unfair that he can no longer live in the family home? That is what is totaly unfair! Talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it to. You are well within your rights to not want to have to see him every waking moment during the healing process.

You sound like you have done everything in your power to make this work and he has his mind made up. This is not your fault and, unless you were abusive, you are not responsible for his decision. It is now his job to get his own house and let you build your own life.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds like you are in real pain. Is there someone, a councilor or something, who you can talk to about this? Maybe even a family member or close friend who would come over and let you lean on them for a few days?

I hope it starts to get a little bit better soon!
MM
 

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jannan ~ your pain is so strong, I can feel it. To feel like you've failed is very natural, but in my opinion, incorrect. You have done all you could for the last 1 1/2 years to make this work, and if he still wants out, then it's not about you, it's about him. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to make it work, and you cannot be faulted for that. Without going into detail, I have felt what you're feeling, and few things hurt more than feeling unloved. But, I repeat, this is about him. Please, as hard as it is, don't let this define you. You are so much more than this. You can walk away with your head held high, knowing you tried everything in your power to make things work. Right now, that doesn't make things better, but one day, it will.

Once again, I'm sorry you're hurting so deeply
 
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