[allgirls]

There is this woman...she is interested in my dh. Ok..I don't know for sure other than I know for sure..lol.

DH knows it. He senses it too.

She hasn't tried to contact him or anything. But there have been clues here and there, the way she behaves when he's around, how she waits until I'm in the bathroom to go talk to him, how she kind of lights up when he comes in the room.

She had a "crush" on him years before we got together, back when they were all teens..they sorta dated, off and on..she chased him and occasionally she caught a smooch or two...nothing more.

She's married. Two kids. At least 10 years.

She's also my cousin. We see her at family functions. If she calls for anything she leaves a message for both of us however if she sends us anything(invitations to family parties/weddings they go to dh).

She isn't making a move or anything and she lives far away.

I'm not concerned at all or jealous..but it's wierd.

It's also a bit obvious as another cousin asked me about it a few days ago...someone had "noticed"

What do you think? I think the gossip mills may have some fun with this but then, how do you stop that?

Why would someone do this? Do you think she even realises she's obvious? I hope her dh doesn't notice.

I'm rambling here but what would you think? Do?

 

[kalirush]

I wouldn't do anything, really. Unless she did something really inappropriate, it's kind of her problem to deal with. Knowing that she's carrying a torch for your husband, I wouldn't ever knowingly put them alone together (best not to give her the chance to do anything inappropriate) but that's about it.

My still-best-friend had a thing for me, back in the day. I get the impression that if my husband (who he likes and respects) were out of the picture for some reason, he might try to do something about it. All three of us know this, but we know how things stand with us, and we're all adults. And we behave like it.

If she starts not to behave like an adult (something more than you describe), it's the time for him to have a stern "not interested, stop making an idiot of yourself" talk- otherwise, just ignore it.

 

[Surfacing]

I'll bet that she doesn't even realize she's so obvious. Maybe she's looking for the thrill of flirting or something. I wonder if someone close to her (like your other cousin or something?) might mention it to her? Of course, she'll probably deny it with great embarassment.

On one hand I think it's human to be aware of others, to be attracted to others....we're not dead afterall. But if some sort of boundary has been crossed, then that's not cool.

 

[annethcz]

I agree, I don't think there's anything to be done here. I think it's only natural for certain people to be attracted to others. Just because an attraction exists doesn't mean that people will act on the attraction in an inappropriate manner.

 

[rightkindofme]

She probably doesn't realize how obvious she is.

My good friend is carrying a torch for me. He tried to talk me out of marrying my husband. We've talked about the situation though. He's a good guy and obviously has good taste so we still spend time together.

There are a few women carrying torches for my husband (he's quite the lady killer) and the main thing that bugs me is that they ignore that I am in the room. My way of handling it is to snarkily describe each and every thing they did that was so obvious in the car on the way home. He laughs and agrees with me.

 

[SAHDS]

Maybe the next time she sends him an invitation, he should call her and say "Is it okay for me to bring my beautiful wife with me?" That would let her know she excluded you on the invite (even though I'm sure she knows this) and that he is, firmly, stating that he is with you (duh).

How weird, though. Have you spoken to your mother about this? Could she talk to her sister (whom I am assuming is your cousin's mother) w/o being obvious just to feel it out?

 

[mija y mijo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAHDS Maybe the next time she sends him an invitation, he should call her and say "Is it okay for me to bring my beautiful wife with me?" That would let her know she excluded you on the invite (even though I'm sure she knows this) and that he is, firmly, stating that he is with you (duh).

Good one. Or I would call her myself and say, "DH got the invitation and we'll be there. He's bringing ME as his date!"

 

[allgirls]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAHDS How weird, though. Have you spoken to your mother about this? Could she talk to her sister (whom I am assuming is your cousin's mother) w/o being obvious just to feel it out?

I wouldn't bother my aunt..my cousin is nearly 40 years old..lol..I think her mother stays pretty much out of things at this point.

It actually doesn't bother me...we find it a bit funny..she was always a "fall hard for some guy she couldn't have and everybody knew it" kind of girl. She would be declaring her love for whoever it was and would be crying her heart out loudly when it didn't happen

There is no threat, nothing bad will come of this. It's just something I've been thinking of lately as we saw her when we were home and she asked my dh to dance while I was in the bathroom. I came out and they were dancing and he winked at me as if to say "she did it again" lol

I remember when we first got together I guess a mutual friend told her and she refused to believe it..so she called my other cousin who actually is one of my Dh's oldest friends(BIG family) at her store to verify and I was there...it was really an interesting conversation. "Is it serious?" "Oh yeah, he's head over hills, never been in love like this before" my evil cousin said..she knew she was still pining for him and was really getting her going. My dh had been a bachelor up until that point so maybe she was holding out hope

.

The funniest is when I go to family things alone(which is often as my dh is gone a lot)..first words out of her mouth is "Where's dh?" no hi, how are ya..twice she's done this..she didn't do it so much last time..didn't ask until she greeted me and the kids. Maybe she realised she's being obvious.

She's not a malicious person so I think she is just not good at hiding things. I like her. I don't feel threatened or anything, I mostly just think it's odd.

 

[GooeyRN]

That IS odd.

 

[Surfacing]

Quote:

Originally Posted by allgirls The funniest is when I go to family things alone(which is often as my dh is gone a lot)..first words out of her mouth is "Where's dh?" no hi, how are ya..twice she's done this..she didn't do it so much last time..didn't ask until she greeted me and the kids. Maybe she realised she's being obvious. She's not a malicious person so I think she is just not good at hiding things. I like her. I don't feel threatened or anything, I mostly just think it's odd.

Weird. Poor gal, doesn't realize how obvious she's being. Let me ask you something. Do you think there's some way dh is encouraging her? Like flirting or giving her attention in a way that feeds her hunger? I am not accusing, I am totally just curious. What do you think she wants from him? Just the attention?

 

[allgirls]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emese'sMom Weird. Poor gal, doesn't realize how obvious she's being. Let me ask you something. Do you think there's some way dh is encouraging her? Like flirting or giving her attention in a way that feeds her hunger? I am not accusing, I am totally just curious. What do you think she wants from him? Just the attention?

Nope. I can definitely say no. In fact he's stepped back quite a bit, avoiding her sometimes because it's a bit uncomfortable for him..flattering but wierd. Doesn't even see her that often...and I'm always there when he does. They've known each other forever(as have dh and I although we've only been partners for little over 7 years) and I think she's always been this way...I always knew she liked him as a teen..it's just..she's married and for at least 10 years and it seems wierd she still has a thing..maybe it's just habit

, like she's so used to having a thing for him she continues to have it.

She doesn't blatanly hit on him, there is no innuendo or anything..it's just like she favours him a little too much kwim. He's baffled by it too.

I'm not bothered..I'm baffled and confused that it just continues for all this time.

Of course DH is a great catch...I don't blame her for wanting him...wonderful man, great father, attentive, sexy, handsome, kind, respectful..well he's wonderful

and maybe it hasn't faded because domestic bliss in a man is an attractive quality.

yep..I think "Odd" is a great way to describe it actually

 

[MilkTrance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by annethcz I agree, I don't think there's anything to be done here. I think it's only natural for certain people to be attracted to others. Just because an attraction exists doesn't mean that people will act on the attraction in an inappropriate manner.

I think that making a fool of yourself, your husband, your "crush" and his wife is acting inappropriately.

 

[allgirls]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MilkTrance I think that making a fool of yourself, your husband, your "crush" and his wife is acting inappropriately.

I think she's just kind of making a fool of herself. Those of us in the "know" see it...but I dont' know how obvious it would be if you didn't know the history and I don't even know if she's aware of it herself completely

I would never address this unless she made an actual move on him. I sense that won't ever happen though. There is only maybe once a year contact between us all and it's always in public. I think she's just nostalgic about what could have been but unlike the rest of us it's a bit harder for her not to wear her heart on her sleeve.

Happy to get everybody's take on this though. I probably wont see her until April or May at a family event.

 

[That Is Nice]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAHDS Maybe the next time she sends him an invitation, he should call her and say "Is it okay for me to bring my beautiful wife with me?" That would let her know she excluded you on the invite (even though I'm sure she knows this) and that he is, firmly, stating that he is with you (duh).

:

Quote:

Originally Posted by mija y mijo Good one. Or I would call her myself and say, "DH got the invitation and we'll be there. He's bringing ME as his date!"

:

I would do something like this, although I just can't understand being attracted to or flirting with a married man. For me, if I know a man is married, that's it. He could be the most wonderful looking and acting male alive, and I'd have no attraction to him.

I respect other women too much. I respect marriage too much. I respect intact families too much.

What are some people thinking?

I can't fathom being in this situation with my husband.

I have never noticed anyone else who was attracted to him or wanted him.

 

[New_Natural_Mom]

If she is married, what does *her* husband think? I would be a bit miffed.

 

[mommy68]

hmm...my DH is a very good looking man and he gets flirted with almost every time we go out somewhere. I trust him and wouldn't care if someone else wanted him. I might not trust the women out there but I do trust my DH.

That's really all that matters.

If you have any reason not to trust your DH then talk to him about your feelings. It doesn't sound like you do. This woman is very disrespectful, if not anything else at this point.

:

 

[turtlewomyn]

I guess I just ignore. There has been this woman after DH since when we were engaged. We used to both work with her. She is a very negative, miserable person but DH is nice to her. I do tell him not to lead her on though. And yes, everyone knew she was interested, I guess it isn't your responsibility to make sure people aren't spreading rumors about her behavior. Just don't do it yourself.

 

[accountclosed3]

well, i think that if there is anything to be done, your hsuband can assert to her that people notice and that she's making a fool of herself.

another option would be for one of the people who noticed it to tell her that she's obvious and making a fool of herself.

coming from pretty much anyone else (particularly you) might be completely brushed off by her.

 

[Norasmomma]

I've dealt with something like this, but it was almost weirder, it was my friends mom, she was recently divorced and it was so obvious she had a HUGE crush on my DH. At the time we didn't have kids and my friend lived at her mom's and they would throw parties, and mom would just hang on DH, and talk his ear off. He's so sweet that he would just let her. Her DD once had to pretty much pry her off of him, and was like "WE are going downstairs." Essentially telling mom to back off. Every time we saw her though I was like "Wow she really has the hots for you." My Dh is so innocent in some ways he was just in denial, he would say he felt bad for her because it was obvious she needed someone to talk to and that was a big reason she was divorced because her ex didn't listen, which was very true. She was infatuated by my DH's kindness and understanding, which I totally get, that's part of what makes him sexy to me. We never see her anymore, which is fine with me, I used to get pretty annoyed with her antics.

 

[rhubarbarin]

There's been a few women who want my boyfriend. Two of them he was friends with, and they developed feelings for him and then pursued him (this was before we met) - he wasn't interested, but they still are, though they rarely see each other. A couple of them he just knew through other people, or through his job - he works in a coffee house, so lots of people know him from there. It's obvious to me but I don't get bent out of shape about it. I'm glad he's with me, and I trust him not to act inapproprately and of course not to pursue anyone.

He attracts a lot of girls because he's cute and funny, but also because he's very nice - he attracts a lot of ne'er-do-wells for the same reason. He's always willing to talk to people, help them if they need it, etc, and he's friendly so I think women sometimes get the wrong idea. I would rather have him be too nice to the wrong people sometimes, rather than not nice enough.