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AND, she maaaaaybe overheard an adult say she was a brat.

But, she doesn't know which parent it was.

Anyway.... my friend's daughter is five. She has one brother who is nine, and two grown siblings that she rarely sees.

She's kindof.... um... placed above all others in her world. WHen she got student of the week in kindergarten, her parents (I couldn't even make this up) met her at school with a HUGE bouquet of pink and purple balloons. (nothing for the older brother for his student of the week)

So.. back to the party.

Apparently, she was pulling the presents out of the birthday girl's hands and either opening them herself, or demanding to open them. SHe told everybody in a loud voice "I have one of those.. only mine is newer/nicer/pink/better." every time birthday girl opened something.

She was being pretty obnoxious, so the b-day girl's mom moved guest girl to another table to watch the opening. SHe got off and ran back over, shoved her way back in and continued to try opening the gifts. So, they told her she HAD to sit in the foyer area in a chair and watch from there. SHe says one of the Dads said she was a brat.

Her mom is livid, and wants to call the birthday girl's mom and complain, and find out which dad called ******** a brat.

O.K.. I TOTALLY understand how mom feels. I would be so upset too. But, it sounds like guest girl was a little bratty. I've seen her be unruly.. but never completely rude like that.

I tend to question that maybe the birthday girl's parents might have embellished it a little. She IS rude. But, I don't think she was uncontrollable. I can see her running back to her old spot and shoving herself back in, but I can't see her snatching gifts out of the birthday girl's hands. She's a bright, five year old kindergartner.

If you were the mom.. would you call the birthday mom and confront her? I told her I would ask around to get other mom's thoughts. I personally think mom should just drop it, and address the daughter's behavior.

But, what do you think?

 

[lotusdebi]

I'd drop it and address the child's behavior. I don't see how confronting the birthday mom or any of the other parents would do any good - especially at this point. The child seems to need a firmer sense of boundaries. That's something her parents should be focusing on, rather than getting angry at a parent who was expressing his opinion of her behavior. I don't think the girl is going to be irreversibly damaged from hearing that she was being a brat. It could be turned into a lesson for her, though, that people may see her in certain ways due to her behaviors. She's old enough to learn that lesson.

 

[BoringTales]

If I was the Mom my kid wouldn't DREAM of acting like that, and if they did, I wouldn't be sticking up for the kid, I'd be apologizing to the other parents. Holy cow.

 

[MtBikeLover]

This is a tough one - I'd be really upset if that happened to my DD, but on the other hand, the host can't control what others say and I would venture a guess that the host doesn't even know who said it. If the girl was acting like a brat, then I guess that could be a natural consequence of acting that way - people are going to say things that aren't nice.

I do think that behavior is over the top for rudeness. I can't imagine one of my kids ever acting like that and I would spend a lot of time addressing it if I found out they did. I think that is where your friend should start. This girl is only going to continue to have social issues if the behavior isn't dealt with. And then it will be other kids calling her brat (and other not nice names).

My DS used to do some annoying (not rude) things and we spent a lot of time trying to help him to understand how others see his behavior and how they will feel.

Hope some of that makes sense - it's tough because she was acting like a brat it sounds, but I don't think adults should ever call a child a name.

 

[Mpenny1001]

If my five year old acted like that at a birthday party, I think it is perfectly reasonable that she be asked to sit elsewhere until she can behave nicely. I don't think it's appropriate to call her a brat, but then I don't think anybody should call anyone else names. As her mother, I certainly wouldn't make a stink about it to the hostess. I would encourage my daughter to make her apologies to the birthday child for being rude.

 

[momtokea]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringTales If I was the Mom my kid wouldn't DREAM of acting like that, and if they did, I wouldn't be sticking up for the kid, I'd be apologizing to the other parents. Holy cow.

This.

 

[crl]

I guess I might be calling the host to find out what really happened, but not intending to make a fuss with any of the parents.

If my child had really behaved that badly, I would want to know so I could work with him/her to avoid repeats (and I would probably insist on attending future parties myself for a good while to ensure this).

If my child had not acted that badly, but was somehow mistreated (called a brat, exhiled for very minor misbehavior, etc), I would want to know so I could avoid ever leaving my child alone with those parents again.

But I would never bring a bunch of balloons to school just because DS was named student of the week, so maybe what I would do isn't particularly relevant. . . .

Catherine

 

[Breathless Wonder]

Children are not supposed to call each other names. I'd be very pissed if an *adult* called my child a name. Adults are supposed to know better. The dad may not have liked the behavior, but name calling is inappropriate AND unproductive. There are way better ways to address bad behavior. Even saying she was being "bratty" while still less than optimal is better than calling a child a "brat".

 

[Alyantavid]

I'd be more upset about my child being called a brat, within earshot of her especially, than about being made to sit out. And I'd definitely talk to my kid about their behavior.

This is why I don't drop off my kids at parties.

 

[AllisonR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by crl If my child had really behaved that badly, I would want to know so I could work with him/her to avoid repeats (and I would probably insist on attending future parties myself for a good while to ensure this). If my child had not acted that badly, but was somehow mistreated (called a brat, exhiled for very minor misbehavior, etc), I would want to know so I could avoid ever leaving my child alone with those parents again.

This. Seems like a bunch of rumors at this point, and maybe no way to get to the bottom of it anyway.

However, several posters mentioned being upset with the child hearing that she is a brat. While I don't think that it is very nice, it is the truth in this case, and she might as well know the truth about herself. The man called her a brat, not a devil or horrid curse word.

 

[Amylcd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyantavid I'd be more upset about my child being called a brat, within earshot of her especially, than about being made to sit out. And I'd definitely talk to my kid about their behavior. This is why I don't drop off my kids at parties.

Same here.

 

[flapjack]

I think this mother seems to be raising a thoroughly unpleasant child and should maybe do some soulsearching before she picks up the phone.

: She (and the daughter) have been given a learning moment and a teaching opportunity, they shouldn't be wasting it.

 

[LittleBlessings]

I agree with you and think mom should just drop it, and address the daughter's behavior.

 

[Breathless Wonder]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllisonR However, several posters mentioned being upset with the child hearing that she is a brat. While I don't think that it is very nice, it is the truth in this case, and she might as well know the truth about herself. The man called her a brat, not a devil or horrid curse word.

Label the behavior, not the child, first of all.

And as far as her being a "brat" being the truth- it was one person's opinion of a child at one moment in her life.

It is akin to an adult woman being called a b**ch by another adult because they don't like her behavior at a given moment. Inappropriate.

 

[mama_mojo]

Too much hearsay to even guess what really happened. I'd drop it, but do some soul searching as to whether or not the story COULD be true, and reflect on how I might help my child avoid this in the future.

Oh- and this is why I do not leave my children at parties. They can act in unimagined ways from the excitement, stimulation, and food triggers.

 

[Mandynee22]

Frankly, I'd call the bday girls mom and say I'm sorry. Even if the girl was doing half that stuff, it's rude and not fair to the bday girl who was nice enough to invite her and her parents who were nice enough to pay for it. Then I'd try to get my kid's ego in check.
When DD had her party in K, all the parents stayed. That's how it is with all the parties she's had/been to, except one that the parents invited 6 girls and took them to the movies. I think it's a good thing... then the parents could have fixed it then. Do they know how their DD comes off to other people or are they the kind of parents that we all know and love: "not MY kid! MY baby is an angel!"?
As for her being called a brat and overhearing it... too bad. No one said it to her face and people are going to talk about kids who behave badly. Not to mention that calling and complaining to BDay girl's mom isn't going to change that. She might not even know who did it. It just might give BDay girls mom a good idea about why the little girl acts like she does though

 

[mysticmomma]

I think 5 is maybe a little too young to be dropped at a party. That said, I'd hope someone would stop my child from doing that, and I'd certainly apologize to the bday girl and her mom though.

 

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Kids actually get left at parites alone at that age

: I cant imagine doing that.

I would call and find out what happened but I wouldnt make a big deal out of it. If the child was being a brat at that point in time then she was a brat. Telling her that is the truth then.

 

[meemee]

wow i would have no objections to anyone calling my dd a brat to her face. if she was misbehaving she probably would understand brat more easily than any.

but then again no way would she behave that way.

but yeah i agree. mom should drop it and actually talk to the child.

5 is the age when people sorta kinda drop off kids for bday parties. not all but some depending on how the child does. by 6 i notice no moms usually hang out but drop the kids off. in fact most of dd's bday invitations are usually for child only.

 

[TCMoulton]

If I were the mom of the 5 year old in question I would call and apologize profusely for my daughter's behavior at the party.