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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A teen mom in my dd's school was at last night's football game with her infant son.<br><br>
She was telling me that her baby's father's mother. (paternal grandma) has been watching the baby for free on the condition that they BOTH finish school AND college.<br><br>
I think that is wonderful!!<br><br>
She and the baby live with her mom and dad. Her mom and dad don't want to help much. They told her "We raised our kids, we don't want to raise your kids too"<br><br>
Here is the problem.... The baby is about 4 months old. He's chubby, but chubby in a normal baby way.<br><br>
Paternal Grandmother thinks he is too fat, and she is watering down his formula and adding rice cereal to it in each bottle. The baby is constipated from the rice. SO, Grandma is adding pear juice into his diet. Now, the baby is gassy.<br><br>
The mom is young, and very shy. She doesn't want to make waves, and is afraid to say anything to the Grandmother. After all, she is doing a good thing for them.<br><br>
How would you, in the same situation, as a shy 16 year old girl handle this?
 

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I'd get a letter from a dr. that the baby should not be eating that. I'd get the dr (whatever sort) to list what the baby should be eating (meaning, find a dr. that would say the baby should only be eating formula, mixed to the specifications on the can).
 

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I second the diet "prescription" from the pediatrician. Grandma will probably take that seriously and the mom will avoid feeling like there has to be confrontation to protect the baby.
 

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I had to use the dr. excuse for a few things when my dd was an infant. I'm not shy either, sometimes people of a different generation will listen to a dr. and not a parent (esp if it is a young parent) I third that suggestion <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> (poor baby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> )
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks.<br><br>
My only stupid idea was "Fix his bottles ahead of time, and send them over with him".<br><br>
But, obviously, she can still water those down.<br><br>
Hopefully I will see her again next week. Her boyfriend (baby's Dad) is on the team, so maybe she goes to them all.
 

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I would probably fix the bottles ahead of time AND get a "prescription" from the doctor AND get the doctor to say that the child is a 100% normal, healthy weight and that there is no concern about obesity.
 

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In addition to having a dr. excuse of healthy weight, it wouldn't be a bad idea for her to say that the dr. told her about the increased risk of diabetes that is associated with feeding babies cereal too early.
 

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yep - I'd definitely recommend she get a dr on her side for back-up.<br><br>
Is the mom bf'ing at all? Maybe she could try to increase any pumping she's doing to lesson the need for formula. Then tell g-ma to not water it down because it's already perfect food.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>woobysma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9069215"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">yep - I'd definitely recommend she get a dr on her side for back-up.<br><br>
Is the mom bf'ing at all? Maybe she could try to increase any pumping she's doing to lesson the need for formula. Then tell g-ma to not water it down because it's already perfect food.</div>
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I don't think she's breast feeding at all. But, I didn't ask either. She only spoke of formula.
 

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Find out how many hours per week the baby is spending with grandma...<br><br>
if the baby's not over there on that diet very much of the week I would worry less about it. Watered down formula with rice cereal and juice are not ideal for baby, but a teen mom faces a lot of challenges and it may worth learning to let some things go in order to focus on the bigger stuff.<br><br>
However if grandma is watching the baby daily... it would be a different story.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jtbuko</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9071535"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Find out how many hours per week the baby is spending with grandma...<br><br>
if the baby's not over there on that diet very much of the week I would worry less about it. Watered down formula with rice cereal and juice are not ideal for baby, but a teen mom faces a lot of challenges and it may worth learning to let some things go in order to focus on the bigger stuff.<br><br>
However if grandma is watching the baby daily... it would be a different story.</div>
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Good idea... She watches him five days a week from about 7:00-2:30. Both parents are only sophmores, and have the next two years with a full schedule, then maybe their senior year, they can go half day. The baby was born over the summer, so she didn't miss any school, and she said her grades are good. (another requirement for the free childcare)<br><br>
The arrangement is wonderful. I would do the same thing for my own child. So, Mom does need to pick her battles.
 

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I'd do all the above. Fix the bottles ahead of time, get a note from the dr. or better yet have the dr tell them in person that times have chagned.
 

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First off, it sounds like she does have a great situation for her! Good for her for keeping the baby AND staying in school.<br><br>
Okay..kind of a rant..got to get this out. I was a teen mom (one who breastfed, co-slept, didn't vax, wore by baby, ext...but I had a mind of my own) and I completely can understand her position. As a young mom, people love to make you feel like you have no idea what you are doing, and if you don't listen they really get mad. If you aren't a very headstrong person who is able to stand up to anyone, it can get really difficult. Teen motherhood comes with enough stigma from ignorant people already. If you go into mothering thinking that everyone else knows best, you end up taking everyone's advice and ignoring your instincts, even though you know you are right-it undermines motherhood and acutally hurts teen moms when people do that! Arg it makes me so bad. It acutally contributes to irresponsibility as well, because if a mom feels like she's not even in charge of her own child, and she can't do anything about it, then why try if everyone else is so much better at it than you are? It creates low self-esteem and a overall worse environment for mother and baby! Ahh okay rant over. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
Anyhow, I totally agree with getting a note from the doctor about what the baby should be eating-it seems like the best way to go if the mother doesn't want to make too many waves. I also like making the bottles beforehand and refrigerating them-that way the caregiver can just warm the bottle up and there you go. I would stress to the mom how important it is that she does get that note and goes along with it, because if she doesn't her baby's health could begin to deteriorate.
 
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