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I have seen a few threads re: Who are we at mdc, what is happening at mdc, how do I describe ap?... I thought I knew the answer but am now getting lost in the gray areas.
 

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To me, a mainstream mom is what my mom was:<br><br>
she fed us formula<br>
she put us in a playpen<br>
she let us cry ourselves to sleep in our cribs<br>
she rarely carried, hugged or kissed us<br>
she spanked us<br>
she made sure we got all our vaccinations and did whatever the docs said, no questions asked<br>
she had my brothers circ'd<br>
she fed us lots of meat, dairy and overcooked veggies<br>
she yelled at us and was not sensitive to our feelings<br>
she didn't respect her children as individuals<br>
she was a mom on autopilot who didn't question anything or try to make her own decisions... she just did what HER mom did<br><br><br>
BUT, she did use cloth diapers!!! No other choice back then.<br><br>
Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> She did the best she could and today we are the closest of friends, but I will do differently with my son.<br><br>
I don't mean to slam or judge anyone else. This is just my opinion...
 

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ahhh thakyou so much for clarifying that.<br><br>
Now what is AP? Is the a name for someone that may be in the middle?<br><br>
Steff
 

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You know, I have this image of the stereotypical "mainstream mom," but I've never met anyone who fits that image exactly. Sometimes if you crack that SUV-shell, you find someone who has deep thoughts and concerns.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>daylily</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sometimes if you crack that SUV-shell, you find someone who has deep thoughts and concerns.</div>
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RIGHT ON!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> I'm working on DH DAILY to trade it in, I swear! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><br>
Funny thing is, almost every mom I know is mainstream. My sil and her friends are the only ones I know who aren't. I was pretty mainstream with Kinzi until I started learning more about AP. Although I did cosleep with her and bf for as long as I could. I did the best I could with the information I had at the time.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Tracie (someone who has deep thoughts and concerns) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shine.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="toothy">
 

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It's funny...I feel totally mainstream when I post around here...but in real life, ther eis NOONE that I fit in with. I have tons of friends, but our parenting styles are not even close. And I know they think I am a bad parent, and I don't care.<br><br>
As for what is mainstream, I think it is more of a mom that listens to HER needs first, babies second. "I need to sleep well, so I can't cosleep" or "I needed to get out more, so I stopped nursing at 6 weeks".....or even the parents who vax without question and think I am weird for wanting to know what is being injected into my baby. I have noticed that the parents who vax around here almost always have done just as much research on it as I have, so I 100% respect their choice, whereas I DON'T respect the choices of people who have never looked into anything themselves...that is maintstream.<br><br>
I feel that I *TRY* to do what is best for my kids first, for me second. Of course, that has led to my marriage almost falling apart and marriage counseling for us.....but I am vering off topic....<br><br>
Caroline
 

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The first thing that came to mind for me was using a Diaper Genie, plastic sausages of trash dipes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">.<br><br>
I nannied pre-kids for a family that used one, and shuddered at the amount of plastic I used every day. In fact I use that family as kind of a mainstream example. They didn't spank, didn't cosleep, circ'd, did some CIO mixed w/ NCSS, vaxed without thought, bf to two years, but also supplemented w/lots of formula, and had both the What to Expect series, and a Dr Sears book. So it really seemed to me that they were right in the middle of the road, which I really think is where the "mainstream" is. Not the ezzos of the world, or the ap'ers. They did what worked for them, and what was within their frame of reference. That said, I think that parenting is one big continuum. So mainstream is by default a large nebulous area somewhere in the middle. Just my two cents....
 

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Hmmm, I think 'mainstream' is just a term to describe how <i>most</i> of the general population parents. It may be different in various areas.<br><br>
I try to avoid generalizations , but it can be an easy way to convey a point.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Caroline248</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's funny...I feel totally mainstream when I post around here...but in real life, ther eis NOONE that I fit in with. I have tons of friends, but our parenting styles are not even close. And I know they think I am a bad parent, and I don't care.<br><br>
Caroline</div>
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Me too!<br><br>
I don't vax, see an "alternative" ped, ped chiro, have homebirths, ap parent (as much as I can... I too am human and slip), co-sleep (mostly for my sanity), extend bf, but my oldest son is circed.... didn't know better at 18 .... so sad, my kids eat meat, although we do as much organic as budget allows, and I gave up cloth diapers, I am not organized enough and was ruining them and costing alot of money. I have been a single mom, WAHM, SAHM, WOHM. I have homeschooled, public schooled and montessoried...... You get the gist of what I'm saying. You are radical and crunchy or mainstream and lazy.... depending on the point of view of the person who is judging you.<br><br><br>
which.... we shouldn't do. We don't know the circumstances of each other's lives.<br><span style="color:#800080;"><br><span style="font-size:300%;">We are all doing the best we can do at this moment.</span></span>
 

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I guess I am SO lucky to come from a hippy-lovey backround/community. I wasnt aware of the people that REALLY did CIO. I was under the impression that women who ff were unable to BF. When it comes to child reaering mainstream just wasnt mainstream for me.<br>
HOWEVER lifestyle is a different thing all together. No one in my family recycled, until I did in my late teens (and now they do too). We eat meat, Not many processed foods though, whole foods, but not necessarily organic. I like TV, and yes my contractor husband drives and SUV. My kids are homeschooled Waldorf style, we use homeopathics. We also go see disney movies.<br>
idoes that meke me a contridiction. i guess when it comes to AP it does. Im ok with that.<br>
Do we really need to catogorize everyone so much, all people and humans are differnt. I think it IS really important to remember why your coming to THIS AP site, the things that bring us together is our similarities, but the way we learn is by our differences. I didnt come here to talk about disney and suvs and I would hope you all wouldnt suggest me buy one, but if I did, for my own reasons, I would hate to get flamed for it. I vax cause we travel to remote places in south america and Ive seen some of the sicknesses and children die from them, often, I made my best educated choice. Be repectful. Be generous. Be kind.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">It's funny...I feel totally mainstream when I post around here...but in real life, there is NO ONE that I fit in with.</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"> me too.<br><br>
I am considered an earthy freak at work. No one i know sleeps with their kids, nurses, doesn't spank. I eat fresh vegetables (most of the time, and i have been buying organic when i can!), little red meat (but i love steak), my kids love fresh spinach....and kale! (thats thanks to the mamas here!). I cook every single night except fridays.....everyone else i know goes through a drive thru at least 5 days a week. The fact that i actually cook for my kids, that i am home most of the time, that i bf my kids, that my youngest slept with us for 4 years makes me an outcast. I respect my kids as individuals. I speak to them, not at them. I still carry my 6 year old when he wants me to....he makes himself as small as possible so I can hold him. he still is very much a soft and warm baby, but no one i know "gets" that....but the MDC community doesn't think it weird that i carry my child into the store if he's sleepy, or into the house....does that make sense? I put my children first in my heart, always....i am last in line. and i love it.
 

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That's a beautiful post Sweetbaby. I feel the same way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Caroline248</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It's funny...I feel totally mainstream when I post around here...but in real life, ther eis NOONE that I fit in with.</div>
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And me too.<br><br>
I don't know if there is such thing as a "mainstream" mom because everyone is different in the mix of choices that they make.<br><br>
But I think there is such thing as mainstream mothering practices. To me, it means what is done by the majority, endorsed by powerful organizations and/or accepted as a given by the media.<br><br>
Which practices are mainstream changes from place to place and time to time.
 

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I agree with the idea that it has to do with what the majority, or dominant, mothering culture is in the west. It might include:<br>
-- Nursing for a short while and switching to formula<br>
-- Baby sleeping in crib and/or using CIO<br>
-- Use of a stroller exclusively in public<br>
-- "Container" babies that are always in a gadget of some kind<br>
-- Blindly following pediatrician's advice regarding vaxes, antibiotics, developmental milestones, etc.<br>
-- Beginning rice cereal for infants between 6 weeks and 6 months<br>
-- Disposable diapering<br><br>
I am not saying that all of these are bad perse, just that they're the most prevalent ideas. (Heck, I've done a few of them!)<br><br>
But the mainstream thing that bothers me the most is that sheeple just follow the dominant culture because they don't bother to educate themselves. I don't have any IRL friends who are as crunchy as I am. When they ask me about things like vaxes, I will tell them what we decided for our family, and tell them to do some research so they can make the best decision for their family. But it seems like they never do, which kind of makes me sad.
 

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Guess I'm not sure where I'd fit in the description, "Mainstream" "AP" "Crunchy" "Non-Conforming" or maybe, "I-Am-Not-A-Sheep"?????<br><br>
Let's see, we drive an SUV, a big, new 2004 Expedition (traded-in the Explorer for the larger model). We eat meat and dairy (organic, if we can). We shop at Wal-Mart and sometimes eat at MacDonalds. We had our son in a hospital, did use disposables and had a Diaper Genie. We used a stroller and had a playpen, though never used that. We circ'd. We vaxxed without question (at the beginning). My darling husband even works for the Federal Government!!<br><br>
Hmmm.... sounds suspiciously MAINSTREAM!!!<br><br>
However, we had a completely un-medicated pregnancy and birth. We co-slept from the beginning because it felt right. Our ds nursed until he was 4.5 years old (and had to wean only because I had to have abdominal surgery and couldn't risk a wayward knee or elbow to the tummy!). We stopped vaxxing when he was 7 months old because we nearly lost him to an adverse reaction (started our research and have been continuing our educations and others' ever since!). We are homeschooling. We have just one child because we feel it is the right thing to do for us as HE gets our complete attention. We do not spank or do time outs. We can never get enough kisses, hugs and snuggle time! Except for Mothering, we do not have any parenting magazines in our home (and I take exception to many of the articles in IT!), and will never have any. We are TV-free. We see the good and the bad in both mainstream and alternative medicines (I see a massage therapist but would never go to a chiropractor). We question ALL doctors! We have always answered our son's cries instantly. We grow all our own veggies and fruits.<br><br>
Quasi-crunchy??<br><br>
So, I guess it is just a case of whatever works for each family, and respecting what other people do. Gently set others right if they negatively question what we do.
 

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You know - I really think there is more to AP than *just* CD'ing, Homebirth, Non-vaxing, Non-circing, Babywearing, Organic eating, etc etc etc... IMO its more about attitude. Mainstream to me means doing what everyone says WITHOUT QUESTION.<br><br>
I know a mother who is AP according to "rules" - she had a homebirth, didnt circ, didnt vax, (ok she tried to bf but couldnt b/c she had an op on her breasts - dont know full story), wore babe in a sling and most of the rest, but according to *my* opinion she was further away from being AP than a mother who is considered to be mainstream. Her heart was not IN it iykwim.... The phrase "earth mother with a modeling contract" comes to mind...<br><br>
I think AP/being crunchy has become a fashion statement and you get mamas who *do* the AP things but just dont *get* the AP thing.<br><br>
IMO you *can* be AP if you dont sling, CD or dont eat organic foods. There are some fundemental that cant be overlooked - GD and so on. But for me it comes down to not just doing b/c you've been told to.<br><br>
Do I make ANY sense?
 
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