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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Been thinking about this constantly.<br><br>
Wonder if anyone knows of studies that look at outcomes for kids of single moms ...<br><br>
When do the kids fare better (ie go to college, get decent jobs, have healthy relationships as adults)--when mom is available a lot (i.e. after school, to see them off to school, etc), but low income and living in an apt. in an ok neighborhood or -- when there is more income and kids live in better house, better neighborhood, can afford more extracurriculars, but have to be an after-school care and have less time with mom.<br><br>
Most folks are telling me what I want to hear which is mom time is more important, but I am not so sure ...<br><br>
Personal experience welcome, but I am also interested in cites to research on this issue.<br><br>
Thanks!<br><br>
M
 

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I don't have any research leads for you however I don't see how a bigger house is going to change the outcome of a child's life.<br><br>
Also with regard to extracurriculars look into the park & rec department in your area (and surrounding areas) as well as the YMCA/YWCA both have affordable programs and most times both offer fee waivers. I think you just have to be willing to do the leg work but your children won't miss a thing.
 

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While I think that extreme poverty has a terrible effect on children, I do think that in some cases it's better to have little money but an available parent who is very involved. I think that we need a lot less than we think we do to get by (aside from food, shelter, ext.-I'm talking about material things here), and kids who are raised with little possessions but lots of love and acceptance tend to do very well all around.
 

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I think how the mother feels about the family's socioeconomic status -- and how she conveys those feelings to the kids -- matters more than the particulars of their finances, assuming the basics are covered. But even defining the "basics" can be tricky.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Herausgeber</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9863695"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think how the mother feels about the family's socioeconomic status -- and how she conveys those feelings to the kids -- matters more than the particulars of their finances, assuming the basics are covered. But even defining the "basics" can be tricky.</div>
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Hmm, very good and interesting point. Thank you.<br><br>
Keep ideas coming!<br><br>
M
 

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I saw this from both sides, sorta.<br>
My parents divorced when I was 9. After which, my dad's income increased dramatically from his already high paid status. I think at one point, he was making around a quarter mil a year.<br>
He however, was TERRIBLE (still is) about managing money. lived in a small apartment, kept a meh car (4dr hundyi for awhile, then a couple others. usually 3-4 years, was hard on them) and barely had furniture.<br>
He paid alot in child support of course, and spent money like there was no tomorrow. He traveled non-stop, so often would have thousands on his CCs for expenses and didn't BOTHER to ask for repayment.<br>
And he started up a couple companies, was the primary earner for said companies, pay for computers and equipment and salaries, and then took on all the respon when the companies folded.<br>
so when we visited my dad for our bi-monthlies, he'd take us out for meals at $$ places alot of the times, and would buy us toys, and give us allowances (I think 5/wk at the time)<br><br>
But didn't "spoil" us persay. but I saw how the other half lived.<br><br>
My mom remarried when I was 12, and between the two of them there was 6 kids in age from 12-1...and we lived on a income of approx 40K if that, incl the child support. We were ALWAYS broke. We finially got free lunches when I was a jr in HS. Mom wouldn't do charity stuff as she saw it, but finially broke down because the enrollment fees for public school were so high, and she had 6 kids entering that year, and if you applied for FA you could have free/reduced fees and the lunches went along with it.<br>
Before that my lunches would sometimes consist of a bag of pickles, a bag of dry cereal, and old xmas candy and such.<br>
Cheez-whiz sandwhiches were pretty regular too. Ew.<br><br>
On several occasions I'd ride my bike to the store to trek back with a gallon of milk i'd paid for with my allowance from my dad, because the kids were all hungry and all we had was cereal and no milk. We bougth the GENERIC version of the malt o meal bagged stuff. not even the malt o meal version. *shudder*<br><br>
I think though, they tried to make us happy as possible (my stepdad's father would send a large check every xmas, and my parents would use it to buy us brand name jeans....levis and gap and such. nothing super $$ but better than garage sale or farm and barn versions. lol) and would do little things like take us all to taco bell for a treat once in awhile. LOL. Choice of hard or softshell. 3 kids per small cup of soda. hehehe.<br>
we would visit friends farms and play, or go to the state fair on the kids go free days, and my stepdad's work would always give him like 30 coupons for free ears of corn and thats what we ate there....<br><br>
I learned to appreciate some of the finer things with my dad, having had a taste. I often spent my allowance on the family or for my step/half-sibs because they didn't have cash....but learned to appreciate that money didn't make people happy, and to appreciate what you are given and work hard for things.<br><br>
Alot of my peers in school got pissy because their parents would "only" buy them certain things, or when they went away to college, pissy they had to WORK *gasp*<br>
I worked two fulltime jobs and took college classes at the same time, paying out of pocket as I went.<br>
I think this made me more serious about my studies and the like, being as it was MY money, yk?<br><br>
I honestly think a lower income is probably better for kids in the long run, as long as you instill good values like education and such <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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You can probably find a study that confirms any type of "better" outcome depending on what is being valued as "better". What exactly defines a better outcome? Is it material wealth, professional advancement, length of initmate relationships, general satisfaction with self and life?<br><br>
I think it's very important to consider your children's temperment and primary bond. And the residency situation can be changed down the road, if, for instance, one child presents an apptitude that would best be developed in expensive extracurriculars.
 

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I have an MA in psych focusing on children, and can tell you that children do MUCH better when they have a good mom and more time with her.<br><br>
Money will have an influence. But the biggest thing would be to make sure that they are taken care off well. Schools and other places ALWAYS offer scholarships and discounts for single mamas, so don't worry about that. Just make sure you live in a decent neighborhood.
 
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