[spu]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I thought this would be a great place to ask what it's really like from those who have been there... (and I'm going to read posts as well.)

I'm due in early october, and planning a vbac, hoping for a natural birth. We're delivering at a hospital with midwives. Haven't decided if I'll hire a doula, but if I do, I've already chosen a wonderful woman (2+ hours away, though...)

What is it really like when you're in active labor? Is there a point when you want to cave in and have meds/epidural? How do you convince yourself to go on? How truly painful is it? (albeit wonderful...) How do you know the difference between normal pains and pain when something is going wrong? Did your body really push with you?

Last time around, when I was pg with the twins, I was induced (heavily monitored, no food/h20/internal fetal monitor, on my back, etc...) only to have a c/s after about 14 hours (2 hours of pushing). My lesson learned was that I had way toooo much tech stuff, and not enough natural stuff happening, so I was clueless, and couldn't feel anything, let alone push (or know what to push)... I just pushed (or popped my eyes out) when the monitor showed that I was having an induced contrax.

So please help me if you could, to know how to keep going when it gets tough. What methods did you use for pain management? Was your doula or partner helpful? How so? What did you have handy or bring with you to help you?

thanks you so much... I'm so hoping for no c/s, and a natural drug-free birth.

 

[alegna]

Labor for me was painful at points (at points just annoying) it was long and I was tired. BUT I would never consider birthing in a hospital without a major medical reason. No way no how. There is NO way I could have coped as well in a hospital setting. I was in a warm pool, in my own living room, no one bugging me or offering meds or telling me I was taking too long or wanting to break my water or saying I needed to hurry or or or....

-Angela

 

[ndakkitten]

I, too, am curious to know what true natural labor feels like. I have only had natural labor for the first 4 or 5 hours of my first childbirth. After that, it was the Pit (which was horrible). Second birth, I was totally induced and started off with the Pit. Both births were in a hospital with midwives (there was only the 1 hospital in the area, next one was a 3 hour drive).

I do know that during my first birth and my second, there was a definite point where I knew I wanted pain medication. I knew enough that I wasn't coping anymore. I was just holding onto the side rail and praying for the contraction to end. This is when I asked for Nubain, just to take the edge off. I didn't want to lose the sensations, I just wanted them to lessen in intensity.

I had a doula for both births as well, and I am thankful I did. She did so many wonderful little things. She kept encouraging me, she rubbed my back and put a hot pack on it, she reminded me to use the bathroom, etc. She made sure I knew all my options before I made a decision and kept reassuring and encouraging me throughout the whole labor. I have arranged for a doula for my VBAC in December. I couldn't imagine not having one, especially since I am dealing with a new hospital and a new OB. The nursing staff doesn't have the time (and many don't have the training) to do labor support. Their job is to come in, check on you, and report to the midwife/OB. Also, don't count on your midwife being there during the day (if that's when you are in labor). My midwives had patients to see during the day, and I only saw them right away in the morning and then in the evening when the clinic was closed.

As for tricks or other items I used or brought with me....First off, I kept the lights dim, had lavender aromatherapy, and Enya music playing to help me relax. My doula would use pressure points and other techniques to help the pain (she had a certain way of pushing on my hips that was heavenly). I used a birthing ball, a shower, and "dancing" with my husband as ways to help labor progress until I was confined to bed with the darned EFM. My husband was as good as he could be, especially the first time. The doula helped him find things to do for me or to me, like helping push on pressure points.

Biggest suggestion - write out your birth plan. Be prepared for every possibility. Focus on your desire for a natural birth, but have instructions for pain meds or a c/s should one become necessary. For example, in my plan, I specifically tell the staff I don't want them to even mention pain meds. I will be the one to ask. Again, this is where a doula can come in handy. She can make sure that you really want pain meds and aren't just asking for support.

Good luck on your VBAC!

 

[alegna]

For the record, my labor was 31 hours, with over 6 hours of pushing. It was never so painful that I felt I couldn't stand it. BUT I feel that that was 99.99% due to being at home. I would never choose to birth in a hospital.

-Angela

 

[femme_rouge]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I really believe there are as many different birth experiences as children. My two birth were, but my approach was as well.

What really worked for me for my 2nd DC home birth:

Doula? Yes, Yes and Yes! If you don't find you need her, send her away, but they can be so helpful and supportive to moms and their partners.

I will be honest, I felt pain. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I would do it over again in a heart beat. For me, what helped was for months before the birth I meditated on the idea of pain. I tried to become comfortable with the idea that birth pain is different to our bodies that other types of pain. I tried to not fear it and instead see it as my friend (I know, kind of dorky, but whatever works). When I was in labor and the pain was intense, I would think,"good, this is productive pain that is helping me and my baby". This helped me not freak out and fear something was wrong (like in my first birth).

I really trusted my body and its wisdom to know what to do.

That's what really helped me

Best of luck!

 

[Tellera]

I did reach a point where I would have accepted medication, had I been at a hospital. My labor was pretty intense pretty quickly, with massive back pain. The point at which I felt that I "couldn't do it anymore" I'm sure was when I was ready to push but afraid I wasn't complete. I was holding off on the midwife checking me because I was afraid I would only be at a six. When I caved and asked to be checked I was complete. Once I started pushing the pain was no longer so unbearable.

It was so hard, so very hard, but I truly didn't feel like I NEEDED medication until the end of transition, when I was prolonging things myself.

At least, that's how I remember it being.

How did I cope? Banging on things was helpful. Being reminded to breathe was helpful. Pulling on things when I had the CX was good, I wish there had been a rope I could have pulled down on, it was VERY distracting in a good way to focus on something physically other than the pain. A cd playing white noise - rain - was helpful. My doula's mere presence was nice. Reminding myself why I was doing this got me through.

Oh, and at the very worst, knowing that the pain of getting dressed, going downstairs, getting in the car, riding the speed limit to a hospital 20 min. away would be SO MUCH worse than the pain I was already in.

 

[Cavegirl]

For me, my labor was SO fast that I never had time to think about giving up.

As far as what it felt like... I had back labor, so it was like a severe back pain, which was a bit better when I dropped to my hands and knees, and my husband put VERY hard pressure on my lower back.
I didn't have many regular contractions, and skipped right to the urge to push phase. This felt like I needed to poop... REALLY bad. There's really no other way to describe it. That's just what it felt like.
Honestly, I expected it all to be much worse. But, as I said, it was very fast. It was under 3 hours from the time my water broke in my kitchen(my first sign of labor) until I delivered my baby on the floor of the hospital lobby.

-Jen.

 

[darsmama]

There hit a point in my labor where if I'd had the energy, dh would've had to wrestle the phone from me to keep me from calling 911.
I wanted drugs for like 6 hours. Always in between contrax. I cried sometimes, I carried on..beat my pillow and rallied that "I had nothing to prove to anyone, just get me an epidural!"

and when it hit pushing time. I hated that too.

But the feeling afterwards is..wow. No drug, feeling, kiss, anything could ever even come close to comparing.
I'd done it. All by myself with the baby.

It was hard for me,but omg...Best thing I ever did.

One day out of my life, that was one of those "MOMENTS" that you carry with you forever.

 

[erin_brycesmom]

With my last birth there was never a point where I wanted the epidural or any meds. It never got that bad. But with my first birth I did want and end up getting the epidural. One of the biggest differences was having an amazing doual with me the 2nd time. She helped me relax with each contraction. She would watch me and saw where I was tensing up (my shoulders and my face) and she would gently touch my shoulders and remind me to relax and as soon as I did the pain went away. My doula and I worked together the entire time (with my husband giving me emotional support) and we kinda got this vibe going and I got into a good relaxation groove. We had no interventions and the hospital staff left us along until the very end. Not fighing the contractions and learning how to work with them instead of against them left me with very little pain. The pain that was there just felt like it was doing it's job and letting me know how far along things were, not really anything I wanted to get rid of. Hope that makes sense. My doula and I talked a lot before hand about how I hold tension and what makes me relax, etc. I think having that great working relationship was exactly what I needed to be able to relax during labor.

 

[dancingmama]

Parts of both of my labors were "that bad," in that it was all I could do to just hang on for dear life. But the thought of pain meds or interventions never even crossed my mind, cuz I was at home. All my preparation had been for a home birth, and the idea of medical intervention just wasn't part of my psyche, you know? I have no idea what it would have been like had I prepared to birth in a hospital, and then done so.

Again, it wasn't the whole labor, just parts.... transition and pushing for dd1, and just the pushing part for dd2 were what felt out of control (transition was better). How did I cope? I found a rhythm, a mantra of sorts, and just stayed with it. In my second labor, I found that NOT vocalizing and instead breathing/blowing and moving my body in rhythmic motions helped me hang on. I was in the water for both, and I liked being there, though I'm not so sure it did anything about the pain. DH keeping cold cloths on my head was amazing. I guess it felt more like labor was moving through me, like I was just hanging on for the ride. So I didn't fight it at all, and I wasn't scared of it, which I think helped a lot with it progressing along fast (first was 9 hours, second 5 hours start to finish), but it was HARD.

And WORTH IT! Wow, I can't imagine doing it any other way. I felt so powerful and humbled and in awe, and in love with my babies immediately. They both came out calm and happy and alert, and just looked up at me and immediately broke my heart in two. I'm done having babies but if I weren't, I'd do it again at home in a heartbeat.

I would recommend the book "Birthing from Within," no matter where you are choosing to give birth. I found it to be empowering and quite helpful.

 

[mammatomyboys]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancingmama I would recommend the book "Birthing from Within," no matter where you are choosing to give birth. I found it to be empowering and quite helpful.

I agree! I also HIGHLY recommend the book Spiritual Midwifery, as it's the only book I found that switches your focus from dread and pain to something positive.

I had two cihldren in a hospital, pitocin, epidurals, the whole bit. Natural labor w/ my third in my home (I too would never want to do it naturally away from my home) was like a celebration. During pregnancy a friend told me that labor is 2% physical and 98% mental. You have to be mentally tough. Know that it will be extremely intense, it will hurt, and that's OK. You don't have to like it, you just have to get through it. And your body knows what to do. My midwife explained to me the incredible feedback that happens between the brain and the body during labor. She assured me that my brain was regulating the oxytocin and endorphins, etc., and that my brain would know what my body could handle. I found that to be so true! I never got to a point of desperation or "I can't handle another second of this!" thinking. But the biggest suggestion I have is to work on being mentally tough. Women have done this for generations. You can do this. Your body will take over for you. Good luck!!!

 

[laohaire]

It's funny, I have never read any really good accounts of how birth feels, even in Kitzenger's book, which I believe is called "How Birth Really Feels" (or something like that).

It had a bunch of birth stories, but they just say stuff like "my contractions grew stronger" or whatever. So - what's a contraction? Really?

I think part of it is because there's really nothing else that feels very similar - so we can't really say "oh, it's like getting your hand slammed in the car door" (no, it most decidedly is NOT like that). Also, the memory for the pain usually gets wiped out. It's really funny, I CAN'T REMEMBER how the contractions felt! Honest! However - I CAN remember how it felt AFTER birth when I was struggling to get the placenta out (which took 3 hours, after 6 hours of pushing the baby out.. argh). I remember it because the contractions were induced by sitting on my tear (caused by finally just pushing the baby out after 6 hours - and her hand being on her chin) so they weren't really "natural." I do remember they felt the same, so that's the only reason I can remember how it felt.

Anyway, the contractions feel like what they are - a VERY strong, VERY intense tightening/cramp of the whole uterus, as if everything in there had seized up. It's painful (or it was for me, it's not for every woman). It's also painful because it's so out of your control - well, not entirely, because maybe you can relax through it, but I mean that you can't just say "I want to rest for a while before having more contractions" - heck, no, your body just suddenly grabs your belly in an iron fist and takes you away to LaborLand.

Pushing was a relief for a while because it felt different, but after a while it was just as intense as the contractions. But it was a nice break for a while.

For pain meds, I think I'm very unusual in that I really don't think I would have wanted pain meds even in the hospital. I don't like drugs. Not just mentally, but I physically do not feel good with it. My body reacts more strongly than most people to drugs, and I hate feeling drugged. I DID however, say that I couldn't do it. And believed it at that point. I had been pushing for nearly 6 hours, I was tired, I was out of it, I was in pain, and my pushing was stalled (I couldn't get past a certain point). My poor baby being subjected to that, it must have been worse for her. Anyway, I said I couldn't do it anymore, but I didn't have a choice. I ate some pasta. Got a little more energy. And decided I was going to push her head out in the next push. I almost did in the next push, then I chickened. I strengthened my resolve, and THAT push did it. One more, and it was all over. And I felt like a champion.

Unforutnately it seems my account of how birth REALLY feels comes just as short as everything else I've read. I'm sorry. I guess there really is no good way to describe.

But pain? - Well, it's just pain. Remember that. It's only pain. Nothing more.

 

[JamieCatheryn]

I had the urge to push throughout transition and a little before, beginning when I was only at 4 cm. So when I had to fight my body's pushing, there was lots of times I was afraid I needed to be numbed so my body wouldn't mess things up, swell the cervix or something. I never wanted drugs for the pain, the fighting the pushing for 8 hours was the only bad part. My case was rare though, usually you get that urge at or near the right time, when you're already all opened up. I was lucky my husband knew my wishes and wouldn't have them give me anything. I was scared of an epidural and no way did I want to be messed up on narcotics, so I never outright said I want drugs.

I say yes to the doula, the best thing in transition for me was the nice nurse who was kind, strong, and experienced with natural birth and had faith in the process. And her cold hands on my back and forehead! Wonderful. My husband was great through early labor and the beginning of active, but was burnt out and unsure of himself after 24 hours of it and it was only getting more intense. The nurse actually spent lots of time in the room with me, far more than you'd expect from a nurse. What are the chances of randomly getting someone like that? Hire a doula!

 

[arlecchina]

congrats

on a vbac

like you, I was induced and all that rot last time. no pain meds (failed epi, back labour) and I never felt an urge to push but was commanded to do so at a certain point (I was not doing it "right" evidently *rolls eyes*) so I cant advise as to what a normal birth is like...as far as dealing with the pain this time, I figure it cant get worse and I lived through it once

but with no induction, no verbal abuse, no interventions that I refused that were done anyways, no being starved, no 20 people an hour doing vag checks no mom and retard of a baby daddy fighting over the tv, etc, I suspect it wont be anywhere near as bad.

 

[jillmamma]

For me, early labor felt like bad menstrual cramps. I spent a lot of time both times just sitting on the toilet. For some reason, that also helps if I have bad AF cramps too, so whatever. Later on, the best word to describe it was INTENSE! I layed on my side with the hospital bed propped up, and held on to the rail of the bed (holding on seemed to help during contractions for some reason), and having DH apply counterpressure to the small of my back when laboring with DD helped too. Both times I dilated the last 6 cm in 1 hour. With DD, I remember saying I really needed to go poop, so they checked and I was about ready to push. The hardest part was trying to NOT push while they got things set up. Then when the baby came out I felt such RELIEF!

Something I definitely want to do again!

Both times I had no pain meds or epidural, with DS though, I had mag sulfate due to preeclampsia. Talk about stuff making you feel stoned! The best part is first feeling the baby's fuzzy head with your hand down there, then pushing them out, holding them for the first time, and nursing for the first time. Okay, lots of best parts!

 

[doula and mom]

My first birth was twins and I have another little one, just like you!

With my twins I was induced but they were born vaginally in a hospital. With my third, I was at a birth center within a hospital, and I wish I'd chosen a home birth. It was painful, but I have fast/furious births. I go from 3cm to pushing in about 2 hours. Anyway, trying to keep my mind free, breathe, keep my whole body loose, ya know? -- those things helped. I also did a lot of focused imagery. Strangely enough, I thought about my grandmother's kitchen. It was so weird, but it really helped me focus.

Pushing, for me, was a great relief.

Good luck!

 

[mezzaluna]

it was very painful... i remember the evening after he was born my friends visited me in the hospital and referring to a pain scale on the wall asked me on that scale of 1-10 how it was... definitely 10 i said. but somehow the thought of drugs never crossed my mind, even in the hospital. in part i think i had just psyched myself up so much to know that i could do it without drugs in a normal labor.. .and in part my labor just happened so fast - 6 hours, only 4 in the hospital. perhaps if i had had a more prolonged labor, or back labor i would have been singing a different tune.

i was totally focused on my contractions - just breathing through them, experiencing them, gripping my DH as they threatened to overwhelm me. some of the best advice i got from my doula was to keep my voice low in pitch... the few times i started going high-pitched towards shrieking (sorry!) i felt suddenly panicky and like i was losing control and it was snowballing. recognizing this or getting a reminder about this i was able to consciously choose a lower pitch and bring things back under control.

other than that the best thing for me to manage the pain in labor was to have complete freedom to choose my position. i was confused prior to labor when i looked at books with vast assortments of suggested different positions in labor and wondered how i would have any clue what to do while in labor. i just did whatever felt right to my body at that time... sometimes it was walking around draped over my DH... sometimes it was on my knees leaning over with my forearms on the floor/bed and my head down.... desperately trying to take some pressure off my cervix. but i didn't choose these through some intellectual process about the optimal position to be in for a certain stage of labor... just knowing that i had a wide range of options to me was inspiration to follow my body's lead.

i've leant out my copy of the pregnany book by sears, but they have a great description in there of how labor pains are easier to cope with than other kinds of pain. some of the reasons - each contraction is over in a finite amount of time, you can count on each contraction to rise to a peak and fall, you know the pain is a physiologically normal thing - not an injury or illness, and of course you get a sweet baby at the end!

editing to add - rereading the OP - you also asked did your body push with you? i'd say my body pushed without me! it felt like something i had no conscious control over - and in fact when i was asked to control it, i couldn't. it was purely instinctual and automatic...

 

[Emilie]

I think contractions feel like really bad cramps in your stomach.

they start out like achey period aches..... ugh. then progress.
if you are doing it natural- it is different with pitocin and other drugs. any other drugs. in the hosp. my cx were right on top of each other- due to the drugs.

at home they started slowly and built up- and that was so much easier to adjust to!

I totally recommend looking into hb...- it is alot alot alot easier to birth naturally since the people there supporting you are experts in NATURAL childbirth..... not experts in medically managed , by the book childbirth.

i love birthing from within by pam england for anty birthing mom- hosp. or hb.

CONGRATS!!!!! on the new baby to be!

 

[doula and mom]

One really great book (if you can find it, it's old) is "Childbirth Without Fear" by Grantly Dick-Read. It's all about natural childbirth.

 

[Swirly]

I was so excited, looking forward to labor. I truly believed that labor could be a positive,, spiritual experience - even in a hospital, if you had the right team. I had two doulas, and planned to labor peacefully at home until I was almost complete.

Unfortunately, something happened for which I had no plan. My water broke and was thick with meconium. Contractions began within an hour. They were mild, manageable, and frankly - pleasant (even though they got intense).

However, after 7 hours, the midwives got nervous and insisted on pitocin to augment my labor, due to lack of progression. The *first* contraction after the pitocin kicked in was insanely different and much more painful. It felt like a vice around my uterus. Labor from ther on was hideous. After a few hours of that, I gave in to my doula's (I actually had 2 doulas) suggestion that I get a touch of nubaine, b/c I was fighting the contractions. After that, I went from 4-10 cm in about 90 minutes. I used the smallest dose possible of nubaine to just calm down and find a safe place inside my head to do the rest of the labor. Pushing was 3 and 1/2 hours and for me was a horrible, horrible nightmare. We tried every position I had wanted and nothing worked - so they put me basically in lithotomy (sort of modified, seated squat really), which I also hated. I jokingly asked if it was too late for the epidural while pushing. Baby came out with hand on her face and cord around her arm, pinning it to her face - not breathing.

Anyway, for me, the fact that I was in a hospital, hooked up to every machine known to man and denied most of my preferred pain-coping technqiues made the whole thing excruciating once th epitocin kicked in. I will always wonder how much was necessary due to the meconium and evidence of fetal distress (she had to be intubated when born). I will always regret our birth though and will want a home borth if we have another. (I never planned to have children, so this one was a surprise gift and we had never researched natural childbirth - hence ended up attempting it in a hospital, which I don't advise).