[moonmama22]

Okay - generally I'm extremely happy about this pregnancy - it was planned (obviously) and though we are financially worried right now and arguing a lot lately, I know things will work out fine. I've been wanting another baby since ds#1 was a year old, so I'm very happy with the idea of having another baby. However, lately, I've been so focused on what I can't or won't be able to do. I don't know why this is... For example: we have a local WNBA team, and we love going to them as a family. For the second year now, we are hosting the all-star game, and it happens to fall on my due date. It's really not a big deal, but for some reason, it bums me out that I probably will miss half the season. Our niece is getting married in Seattle about 2-3 weeks after I'm due, and I'm so upset that dw will be going without me. Again, not really a big deal, we really can't afford three plane tickets to Seattle anyway, but I'm focusing on the fact that I'm going to miss out on that too. And ds and I go to the beach all the time in the summer, which will be hard to manage this year as well.
Why is it so hard for me to be happy that we are having another baby, and to stop thinking about the REALLY insignificant things that I'm going to miss out on???

 

[chase_mommy]

Your problem: hormones and they suck! I wish we all could skip this part of pregnancy.

I did the same thing you are doing when I was pregnant with DD. Really a new baby doesn't have to make you miss out on all the fun stuff. Baby wearing is a great solution. Do you need three tickets for the plane because of you DS? If so, you would have to do that anyway without a baby. Is your DS small enough to ride in the lap of your DH and new baby on you.. possibly mail car seat to who would be picking you up or maybe someone has one you could borrow there? As far as the game goes.. you could go with a new baby. I wouldn't personally but I know a lot of people who take newborns to basketball games and such. Once again just sling that baby and go! And you never know, you could have baby late and not have to miss the game. As for the beach... Get a waterproof sling or one that dries pretty quickly and large umbrella and make a day of it. Having a second baby just requires ya to be a bit more inventive. It still is possible to do what you usually do, just have to modify it a bit.

Hang in there momma, as you all ready know, it is all worth it!

 

[moonmama22]

Thank you! I know it's just hormones!!! And yes - we "could" all go to Seattle - ds is 5 so would need his own seat anyway - but we really shouldn't spend that money on plane tix anyway - and we don't want to buy them too far ahead - if I have the baby 2 weeks late, he/she will only be 2 weeks old - I'm not sure how comfortable I would be on a 6 hour flight - never mind taking a newborn... As far as the basketball games - we did take ds when he was a baby, but again - maybe a few months old - probably not a 2-3 weeks old!!! And the beach - same thing. A lot of it is what I would be comfortable doing. I had pretty severe tearing with ds#1 and was not comfortable for several weeks afterward.

Again - none of these things are really that significant at all - except maybe the wedding, which really - now we have a good excuse since it would be a lot of money for us all to go anyway!!! I'm more worried about dw leaving me for a week! I'm sure once the baby is here, or it gets closer anyway, all of this will matter much less to me! Like you said - just hormones!!!

 

[Surfacing]

Just as a side note, sometimes women find it a really difficult adjustment to be less mobile or less spontaneous or whatever than they used to be. It's a loss that for you, may need to be mourned. [ETA - that was definitely a major issue for me too after dd1 was born!] It may help to remind yourself that it's not going to be forever.

 

[Sophiasmomma]

I understand completely and this baby is our miracle baby that we have wanted for a few yrs now

My DD is on a dance competition team- her first yr and I *may* have to miss her big recital which she is in 3 numbers.
For some reason I stress about this more than anything. Even though I know my entire family would be there and my DD wants this baby just as much if not more than I do

I think hormones are huge also the fact that life is going to change. alot...
we went to Disney last yr and we had the BEST vacation ever and now this yr we already cant go

I know its jsut a few yrs till we can do it every yr

I think just keep telling yourself that its just a short temporary part of life till you can do all you want

 

[*KaiMom*]

I think you've gotten several thoughtful reponses. I too am saddened by a couple of things that "wont be" after the baby arrives. But try to focus on the response why I wanted to get pregnant in the first place.

 

[chase_mommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moonmama22 I had pretty severe tearing with ds#1 and was not comfortable for several weeks afterward.

I had a nasty tear too with my first birth. However, I didn't tear at all with the second! I was scared to death that I would and was really nervous about it up until I actually got into active labor and then I forgot all about the tearing part. I have put a lot of though into why I didn't tear the second time around and my conclusions are 1) I was in more control with my second birth, pushed when I was ready and felt the need and 2) The Dr. stitched me up loosely.

I'm sure it had more to do with number one than two. Anywho, I hope you have a similar experience with no tearing!

 

[moonmama22]

THank you Ali. I'm wondering if part of my depression/negativity is underlying fear of having such a traumatic birth be repeated. I've been doing everything I can to prepare myself to be more relaxed and in control so as to avoid that. (i.e. Hypnobirthing books, Birthing from Within, prenatal yoga, etc...) I think I'm also liking myself less - with first pregnancy I didn't care so much about the weight gain, I had lots of energy, etc... This time, I'm starting 30lbs heavier and VERY aware of every added pound, I'm tired and lazy all the time - I want to get to the gym but I cannot motivate myself to go... I'm giving myself until Valentine's Day to feel sorry for myself- after that I will not allow myself the pity party!!!

Thanks everyone else for all the thoughts and support - it really does make a difference!

 

[chase_mommy]

Aww.. momma don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of women, with their second pregnancy, start off weighing more. I was 40 lbs heavier with my second pregnancy and this time an additional 45 lbs heavier.

It is rough and sucks! Try to be gentle with yourself, you are growing a human. That takes a lot of work and it can make you feel as if you are lazy. And throw yourself a pity party, you deserve it, we all do at times! If you can't make yourself go to the gym, try compromising. Maybe get some prenatal DVDS, do squats when you are cleaning the shower and do what I call power cleaning, just bust your a$$ while your doing it. You said your doing yoga, you are doing something! If you don't feel like doing something and you can't make yourself do it then there is a reason you are feeling that way, just rest.

You can always do away with the weight later. Have you thought about doing vaginal massage during the last month of your pregnancy? I meant to do it with DD (2nd pregnancy) but she came 3 weeks early but no worries, I didn't tear. Hang in there, pregnancy is not a bed of roses. If you need a sympathetic ear, we are here for ya and feel free to pm me if ya want.

 

[Amynf1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Surfacing Just as a side note, sometimes women find it a really difficult adjustment to be less mobile or less spontaneous or whatever than they used to be. It's a loss that for you, may need to be mourned. [ETA - that was definitely a major issue for me too after dd1 was born!] It may help to remind yourself that it's not going to be forever.

That was very much me in my first pregnancy and after he was born. It probably took me the whole first year of his life to adjust. Now I am used to things and love the way my life is and I think it will be much much easier with #2.

 

[Surfacing]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moonmama22 I'm wondering if part of my depression/negativity is underlying fear of having such a traumatic birth be repeated. I've been doing everything I can to prepare myself to be more relaxed and in control so as to avoid that. (i.e. Hypnobirthing books, Birthing from Within, prenatal yoga, etc...) I think I'm also liking myself less - with first pregnancy I didn't care so much about the weight gain, I had lots of energy, etc...

Oh yeah, for sure fear of having a traumatic birth again can impact you. My doula recommended "When Survivors Give Birth" by Penny Simkin -- it is helpful for birth workers and women who have a history of abuse AND traumatic birth. There are some exercises that really help you key in to specifics about what's bothering you and having a different plan of action this time around.

Just remember that you are chemically different now than you were the first time. This is a different baby. Different baby, different body. This will be a different birth.

And uh yeah

I'm another one starting this pregnancy with an extra 25 lbs. Things do change!