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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am due next month and seem to be surrounded by people who want (and even expect) to be at the birth! Ugh!! There are three people that have offered to be available to care for DD, which is great, but they all want to witness the birth, too.

My dream birth would be me and the babe and that's it. I think it will be more than enough having DH and the midwife there. I can't imagine inviting people just for a show. Why not just rent a theater?!
:

I haven't told anyone that I wanted them there and have been honest about our plans. I just don't understand. I would never dream of wanting to be in someone's birthing space unless they specifically wanted me to be there. I was at my niece's birth because my sister wanted me there, but that doesn't mean I want her at my daughter's birth!

I'm hoping for a middle-of-the-night-while-DD's-asleep birth. Otherwise, I may have to end up calling the person I think will be the least intrusive. Blah. Some people, why, I oughtta....
 

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Don't have anyone there if you're not comfortable with it. Also give major thought to having anyone there....you might regret it later. I had a lot of people in my hospital room when DS#1 was born, and it was just chaos. The only "extra" person I don't regret having was my grandmother, who expressed interest to see a live birth, and lamented not being awake for birthing her own children. So that was very special.

This time since we are having a home birth, it became imperative to have someone to look after DS#1. MIL is here from Florida and will take care of everything for us. My stepmom is also a wonderful source of strength and support, and wants to be present, so we will call her when the time comes. My own mom, however, *claims* she doesn't want to be here for the birth because she didn't handle me having my first baby very well. She also doesn't "support" my choice to have this baby at home. So I don't want her here if that's how she feels.
 

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There were a few people who assumed that I would want them at the birth or that I'd be up for visitors right afterward. It was annoying. Everyone was even more surprised when I took a 2 week babymoon and wouldn't allow visitors or phone calls! My dad and my DH"s parents thought they could rush right over during labor to make sure they could see the baby.

At least my DH was supportive and set everyone straight.

Any frustration friends and relatives "suffered" was eliminated when I had a "welcome baby" party a couple weeks after the birth.

This time, no one has assumed they'd be here, so fortunately I haven't had to deal with it.

Just pick someone you trust for childcare and a backup person. Make it clear to them what their role is and if they are/are not allowed in your birth space. If they're offended that you don't want them there, well, that should just reassure you that they really shouldn't be there!

Good luck.
 

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Yeh,I wasn't interested in putting on a show for anyone.My MIL asked to come and I said no.My sister also asked but was super respectful about it.She said she really wanted to be there but she completely understood if I didn't want her there and she was even prepared to leave if I changed my mind at any time.I waited until I was in labor to decide.I ended up having my husband call her and it was great that she was there.I think i would have felt more like I needed to play host to the midwives if she weren't there.I know that's ridiculous but that's me.I'm glad she was the only extra person there though.Actually most of the time it was just me and my husband and everyone else just stayed out of the way.

It sounds like you're definately going to do it the way you want so you don't need any advice from me but I just thought I'd let you know you're not alone in wanting to keep it private and not feel like your on a stage to entertain.

I wonder though if it's because from what i hear hospital births are so not private that people forget about that whole concept.Everyone else has all sorts of strangers up in there stuff for their births so why would you mind friends and family being there?Hmmm??
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It's reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one, although I'm sorry y'all have had to deal with it, too. I thought maybe my family and friends were just a bunch of weirdos.
 

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My dad's still po'ed because I didn't send him an engraved invite to come tromp through my house and grandstand hours after the birth, while I was still dizzy from blood loss. And he had a stomach flu.
:

I think this is just part of the way people like to act like women's bodies are public property once you become pregnant. It's not your sacred homebirth, it's OUR birth show of OUR baby. Bleh.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
I think this is just part of the way people like to act like women's bodies are public property once you become pregnant. It's not your sacred homebirth, it's OUR birth show of OUR baby. Bleh.
No doubt. When else can people ask you how much weight you've gained, comment on your body changes, talk about what's happening with your genitals, etc.? I've been pretty private from the beginning of this pregnancy, and DH's aunt had the nerve to tell me that having a baby wasn't just about me, it was about the whole extended family. I mean, I'm a big believer in extended family, but that doesn't mean the gory details of my pregnancy are up for public scrutiny. Luckily she's a 1000+ miles away or she's want to be there for sure. She's a hospital nursery nurse so she thinks that means my own modesty and privacy is irrelevant on all baby and pregnancy related topics.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by huggerwocky
Odd.what makes people think anyone would want them there? It's not like you
are on naked terms otherwise I assume!
True! As far as I know, I haven't been handing out any one day vajayjay viewing passes!
 

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Yeah, I'm starting to think about how many people want to come and it makes me feel icky.
My mom, possibly my dad
My sister (and probably her two kids since her DH will probably have to work)
My friend and probably her DS
My work friend
My friend and his DW because I asked her to photograph
My midwife, her baby and her apprentice, and possibly an assistant.
My DP and my three kids

I'm considering not calling anyone and just going unassisted.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by huggerwocky
Odd.what makes people think anyone would want them there? It's not like you
are on naked terms otherwise I assume!
Oh, I'd bet that most of these people who claim they want to be at births would expect the mama to be in a pretty little night gown and to only see blood if they stared at the 'business' end.

Actually, that might be a good way to discourage visitors. "I'm so sorry, but I really just couldn't look you in the face afterwards if you saw me stark naked for 12 hours." And after the birth too, "oh, she'd love to see you, but she needs to air things out after the birth so she isn't wearing a stitch!"
 

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I had a quite a few guests at my first HB, and I regret it. My last birth was almost unassisted, and if it had been completely UC, that would have been best. I'm a very private birther. IMO, unless YOU desperately want someone at your birth, it's not your responsibility to worry about hurting their feelings about not inviting or calling them
 

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It was just me, DH and the midwife - exactly how I wanted it! I could float in the tub and make any noises I needed to. After the birth I was lounging naked on the futon for a couple hours before I felt like putting my nightgown back on.

I don't understand why people expect to be at someone's homebirth. It's a private event, not a Pampered Chef party.
 

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You know, I didn't think I had a problem until my SIL called tonight. She's supposed to be taking care of my two dc during labor/birth. So when she called tonight, it actually wasn't her but her friend. They said "we're bored and we were hoping something was going on". Um, when exactly did my SIL self-invite her friend who I do NOT want there? I told her "It's not a freak show." They thought that was funny. I was serious. It's already going to be the midwives (2), an apprentice and dh. And besides....she's supposed to be taking care of the kids not watching some sideshow. Of course, she drives me
: as it is. But on the weekend, she's all we've got for childcare. During the week, we have her daughter and my other SIL who are a little less self-involved than this SIL.

Now I'm thinking I won't even call her if it happens in the middle of the night. And if it's during the day, dh knows to tell her no friends, just YOU.
 

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I had a planned homebirth with my son and everyone wanted to be there too! I couldn't believe it.. most people didn't even ask, just acted as if they assumed they were invited.
I only invited my best friend. But when I went into labor, it was so intense, and I didn't want anyone else there, I didn't feel like I could handle it. So it was just DH and me and the midwives. I felt bad that I didn't call my friend, but she was totally understanding.

This time I am hoping for another homebirth, and now that we live near my family, I am sure they will all expect to be there, but I don't want that. I really want my son to be there. I will have to have someone make sure that he doesn't crawl all over me, I dunno if it will be DH, I might keep him too busy.. but I just don't want other people there. Yet, it's important to me that my son be there if he wants to be, so he can see how it happens. Otherwise he'll go to Grandma's for a bit and when he comes back he'll have a new baby brother or sister, how confusing! lol!
 

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With me, my problem was my Mom. She would actally invite anyone that showed the slightest interest in the fact that I was doing a HB. For my first birth, she invited at least 30 people. I had people coming and going, staring at my privates for hours on end (and most of them I did not even know!) For each of my births she tried the same thing, but each time I stalled her until it was too late to inform everyone. She even invited the waitress at the Waffle House for my last birth!

She was living with me at the time of my last birth, so she just assumed that she was going to be there and take over (she likes to do this).

I kept telling her that I was going to lock myself in the bathroom and deliver by myself, but she just thought I was being melowdramatic. And she continued to invite people. (She must have invited fifty people!-the enter church, all the family, and anyone else that would listen!)

So I took some C/O late Saturday night to start my labor early Sunday morning (I was over due anyway). My DH sent her to church, saying we would follow later....I stayed home and had a baby instead!
 

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Runningwithlola--Sounds like your best friend is a wonderful person.


Kidzaplenty--The thing that weirds me out isn't so much your mother inviting everyone, it's that she got people accepting the invitation to someone else's birth! I hope that at least a few people told her "thanks, but I really think your daughter should be the one choosing to invite people to her birth".
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
Oh, I'd bet that most of these people who claim they want to be at births would expect the mama to be in a pretty little night gown and to only see blood if they stared at the 'business' end.



But actually it is upsetting......
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
The thing that weirds me out isn't so much your mother inviting everyone, it's that she got people accepting the invitation to someone else's birth! I hope that at least a few people told her "thanks, but I really think your daughter should be the one choosing to invite people to her birth".
You have to know my mom. UGGG! She is a nurse and is very opinionated and very pushy but convincing.

I have no idea what anyone said to her, and I don't even know how many people she invited, as I only know the ones that I heard her invite. But she told every one that SHE was delivering my baby and that they were welcome to come and watch. She made it so much HER show, that I am sure no one even thought to ask if I was interested in their presence.

At least now she is 1300 miles away! And will not know until after the birth of the next one.
 
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