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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why, oh why, oh why do people think it's OK to "recommend" discipline books when no one asked them?<br><br>
Rant begins- We were at a get together today with a friend of dd's who is very mellow. My dd is quite fiesty, but they get along pretty well.<br><br>
Well every other kid at the party was so mellow as to be almost comatose. (Compared to mine I guess.)<br><br>
One mom was doing a running comentary of no's, don'ts and various criticisms at her daughter who I didn't hear say a single word the whole party. So it was hard to tell if the subdued manner was her natural state or something she was bullied into.<br><br>
I thought my dd was doing fine, even though the party was VERY circumscribed, but apparently this lady thought otherwise.<br><br>
So she starts recommending discipline books to me... WTF!!!!!!<br>
In front of other parents nonetheless.<br><br>
My dd wasn't crying or throwing herself, just speaking loudly and energetically. She jumped up and down a bit in excitement a few times. But it was SUPPOSED TO BE A PARTY!!!!!<br><br>
How are three year olds supposed to behave at a party?<br><br><br>
It is SO RUDE to do that. For a parent who did a running commentary about how her kid was supposed to behave the whole time, I'm shocked at HER bad behavior.<br><br>
Oh well. Had to gripe. I'm just sad because the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. I was hoping to make some friends in this group of people, but instead could barely stand staying their because I was so humiliated.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Yikes. That was rude. You know, I find I still have to deprogram myself from the whole "a noisy/boisterous/curious child is a misbehaving child" mentality that society has done its' best to impress upon us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I have really had to make a very concerted effort with ds in just <i>letting go</i>. I don't *want* a stepford child, thank you very much. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
People are so hung up on <i>controlling</i> children, that they totally squelch the <i>child</i> in the process. It's sad.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Firstly- Recommending discipline books akin to recommending a diet to someone. "Oh, have you don the South beach Diet? You REALLY should, you know."<br><br>
Secondly- I LIKE my boisterous kid. In 2 hours I didn't here a couple of these other kids express a single opinion, or desire, or dislike.<br><br>
One kid was too afrain to play the board game the kids were playing.<br><br>
Seriously, the whole thing freaked me out.<br><br>
I think most of the kids were just naturally shy or quiet, but this lady made me feel like that was the standard to which children were supposed to be held.<br><br>
There are all kinds of kids like there are all kinds of people. I was outspoken as a child and said everything that popped into my head like my dd. It takes a long time to learn how to tone it down- I'm still working on it to this day!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Finch</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Yikes. That was rude. You know, I find I still have to deprogram myself from the whole "a noisy/boisterous/curious child is a misbehaving child" mentality that society has done its' best to impress upon us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I have really had to make a very concerted effort with ds in just <i>letting go</i>. I don't *want* a stepford child, thank you very much. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
People are so hung up on <i>controlling</i> children, that they totally squelch the <i>child</i> in the process. It's sad.</div>
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It was like "Children of the Corn", I kid you not.
 

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Maybe have the name of a good book on manners on hand to "recommend" back to people like this??
 

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We did not sign up for a kinder music program with ds because he got shhh!! by a parent, and he was just trying to ask a question. I don't like hanging around with people that have issues with kids being kids, either. Maybe you could recommend a behavior manuel for overbearing parents.
 

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Ugh! How obnoxious!<br><br>
When I was pregnant, someone I really liked recommended the Pearl's book to me. After I got over the sick feeling I had, I realized that I'm glad to know that's how she is so I will know never to leave my child with her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
The thing is, I'm not the kind of parent to allow my kid to disrupt a party or a class or whatever. If she can't handle herself and follow what others are doing in an obviously group situation we leave.<br><br>
I just don't know where it became a crime for a child to be excited.<br><br>
Also- sometime in the same conversation, this lady looked at my 2 month old and asked her if she was going to turn into a little monster someday.<br><br>
I decided to attempt to gloss over the insinuation that my child could possibly be a "monster" in her eyes.<br><br>
GRRRRRRR........
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommyofshmoo</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Also- sometime in the same conversation, this lady looked at my 2 month old and asked her if she was going to turn into a little monster someday.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"> What nerve!! What a troll!!! Eeeeewww!!! Stay far far far away from her and anyone she is "friends" with. People like that scare me. Poor kids, I wonder if she calls her own child a "monster?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Finch</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Yikes. That was rude. You know, I find I still have to deprogram myself from the whole "a noisy/boisterous/curious child is a misbehaving child" mentality that society has done its' best to impress upon us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I have really had to make a very concerted effort with ds in just <i>letting go</i>. I don't *want* a stepford child, thank you very much. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
People are so hung up on <i>controlling</i> children, that they totally squelch the <i>child</i> in the process. It's sad.</div>
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My Dh and I were talking about exactly that last night. We were walking around the hospital where he works and some woman was busy shushing her kids who really weren't laughing any louder than the sound of normal adult coversation. I don't know why, but for some reason people hear happy children as being much louder than they are really.<br><br>
~Nay
 

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Four little words, just four little words:<br>
I beg your pardon?<br><br>
Cultivate a tone as well, for use on such people, and pride yourself on having a three-year-old with better manners than some adults <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I'm actually really happy to see small children (especially the girls, they seem to be more easily squashable than boys) who can talk and think for themselves.
 

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sweet jebus!!!<br><br>
if i quick enough to quash my anger towards this woman, i would have mentioned <a href="http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/child_disorder.html" target="_blank">CHILD disorder</a>.<br><br>
but of course, i have a really low tolerance for stupid people and told her simply to sod off.<br><br>
but while we are on the topic of "discipline" thats why i like gentle discipline. you can "discipline" other people's children without it looking like it and they are less likely to get all puffy and defensive about it. how would you react if someone spanked/yelled at your child? now how would you react if some redirected or talked through a tantrum with your child?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The hbard part was that this was in a group of very AP types- more AP than I. I've been hanging out with a new parent/kid group and was sad to feel so slapped on the wrist.<br><br>
I have to try to just get over it and realize that probably not everyone in the group is like this.<br><br>
Most of the other kids seemed just natuarlly shy. And if it turned into a l.ot of parents prodding their kids to say pleas and thank you maybe the vibe turned that way for unknown reasons.
 

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OT: Here's a question for you, since reading this thread has made me feel guity. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
DS and I were at an indoor pool on Friday. It was just us and a bunch of senior citizens. And of course it echoed. So when DS would get loud, not just his normal talking voice, I reminded him to use his indoor voice since where we were, it seemed much louder once it came out.<br><br>
Later when more children arrived, the whole place sort of got louder and it was less of an issue for DS and I. But when he was the only kid, I was a little self conscious of his voice. Would you shush your kid in a situation like that?<br><br>
Back OT: I agree that recommending a discipline book is akin to recommending a diet book and should only be done if someone else *asks* first! "Oh you look great, are you using a program to loose all that weight?" "Oh your kids are so well behaved, how do you do it?" Otherwise it is rude, rude, rude. And kids not having fun at a party is really sad!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Hmmm. In loud echoey places I think I do tend to ask my child to keep it down- mainly cuz echoey places bug me. Once other kids get there, the echoes bug dd and we have to leave anyway.<br><br>
One thing that bugs me is that plenty of adults talk too loud in echoey places too. It's not the hypocrisy that bugs me- just the loud noise. I think adults should know better.<br><br>
I wonder if being shushed all the time as kids and having "good manners" pushed all the time by parents has stunted adults' ability to discern for themselves what is polite. Goodmanners are mostly common sense and thinking how something will effect another person. Small kids don't have common sense and don't know how their actions effect others. Adults don't have that excuse.<br><br>
We hing out with two 2.5 yo boys recently who made my dd look very quite and well behaved indeed. It was just this group of unusualy quiet 3-5 yo girls that made her seem loud/pushy/ebullient/emotional.
 

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How obnoxious!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 
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