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I have a name that I use in my head, but it certainly isn't polite.<br><br>
I'm looking for a word/phrase that my son can use when he is asked by his friends 'do you have a daddy?<br><br>
dad and father, too familiar<br>
sperm donor, too clinical<br>
biological father, biodad, oy what a mouthful<br>
birthfather, well he wasn't even in the picture at birth<br><br><br>
how do you singlebychoice moms handle this?<br><br>
I'm thininking of telling a family story, something that illustrates his family tree. I've read one, where mommy and mama wanted a child so much that they got some help and then you were born, and we love you very much. But Carlin was a depo baby. I was trying Not to concieve, it was just a 'for now' relationship.<br><br>
we split when I was 3 months pregnant. the deadbeat has not contacted us, and has never even met my son. and I like it that way.<br><br>
So, any ideas on a one sentance for Carlin to say, and a paragraph or two for me?<br><br>
"Richard helped make me but he lives in Utah with his mommy"<br><br>
Thanks,<br>
Bryanna
 

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ooh I have many names.<br>
I'd stick with father or parental unit (wasn't that the conehead term?)<br><br>
The sperm donor is a father, he was concieved through normal means.<br>
"yes I have a father, he doesn't live with us my father lives far far away in Utah its so far away. I live with my mommy"
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: Looking for suggestions, also! My DS's father lives 1,600 miles away and only plans on seeing him three <i>maybe</i> four times a year. Dad, daddy, etcetera all seem too familiar. Like the OP, I have my own *ahem* name I call him in my mind but I am gonna lurk to find some more acceptable alternatives to use with DS!
 

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Father is the factual response, I would stick with that. Dad, of course, is too familiar, I agree. With DS's bio father, we call him that...the biological father, but he already has a real father, a dad, my X, so it seems and feels right.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">Father is the factual response, I would stick with that. Dad, of course, is too familiar, I agree. With DS's bio father, we call him that...the biological father, but he already has a real father, a dad, my X, so it seems and feels right.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: Father not that familiar. When he gets older he can decide for himself.
 

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not a single parent but i was for a while. i always called dd's dad "daddy". now that i'm married to a man who is a permamnet fixture in our lives she calls him (my dh) daddy and calls her biological father her "other daddy, the one the made me" she's 7.
 

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Usually I'll always call him "my daughters dad" I rarely say ex when I'm out in public.<br><br>
I really don't know what i'd do in your situation. He doesn't deserve the "dad" title, but then grasping other names like that will be hard for someone so little to comprehend like "the guy that left us after he found out she was growing me in her belly"
 

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Barry. As in Barry "My word is not my" Bonds.<br><br>
Oh, you mean out loud. His name, or "her dad".<br><br>
m40.
 

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Alivia is too young for this to really matter to her. We just ignore it at this point when she says something about "daddy" (which she learned about from school). I don't want to tell her she DOESN'T have a daddy though. I asked her the other day if she did (I don't know why!) and she quickly said no and then changed the subject. I've talked about it a bit with other people and have pretty much been told to explain it to the child by not pointing out what they DON'T have, but pointing out what they DO (in Alivia's case, me, my mom, my brother, etc). I don't really see why you need to have an answer prepared for when it comes up, because when it does, it's pretty situational. I use "sperm donor" just about every time, because that's all he is. He left when I was pregnant, and has not had a single thing to do with her, he doesn't pay cs, has never met her, isn't on the birth certificate, etc.
 

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Father is the name I use for ds's dad. Hasn't been around in almost 13 years.<br><br>
When ds was small and asked about his Daddy, I explained "of course you have a father but he is sick". In our situation, his father was mentally ill (IMO) and a dug addict/alcoholic so I felt very comfortable telling ds that his father couldn't be around to help take care of ds because he was sick. It got a bit sticky when ds asked why I could take care of him when I was sick but his father couldn't? I just answered that with a "because that is your Mommy's job" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> As ds got older, he began to understand what drugs & alcohol did to a person and I could share a little bit more of his father's situation with ds. He doesn't ask about his father much anymore...<br><br>
BTW, I went very far out of my way to never say a bad word about his father. I tried to explain everything ds asked with a positive spin. If I wanted to say something negative I stopped myself by telling ds things he had in common with his father- like they both prefer vanilla ice cream or they have the same color hair. I felt it was beneficial for ds to have a positive image of the man who provided 1/2 his DNA so he would have a positive image of himself. As a young man we have begun discussing the genetic link to drug addiction and such. I'd hate to see ds experiment with drugs and not understand that he has an increased probability of becoming addicted. That's why I feel it is important to share the good and the bad about the child's sperm donor, but only at age appropriate times. When they are small, they need to feel that their father has some good qualities (so that's when I share those things) but when they get closer to adulthood, they need to be aware of those things that can directly affect thier future.
 

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Sunflowers, you may want to temper the genetic-influence info with some stress on the fact that the odds are against his becoming a drunk, mentally ill addict, and some info on the role of environment. Forgive me if you're already doing that. Many kids grow up in fear of illnesses that brought down their relatives, checking themselves all the time for signs. And mental illness can be one of the toughest for a kid to worry about.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I wonder when we'll go through this with dd.
 

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Thanks M40 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I actually do temper much of that since I'm no expert on nature vs nurture <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: It only comes up every once in a long while. I've actually been very supportive recently of ds in his role as an excellent brother to dd. He's really very wonderful with her and it is very clear (thank the stars!) that he will be an excellent father if that's what he chooses in life. Not that I'd say that to him right now! It's not where his head is right now.<br><br>
Thanks for reminding me, though! It is something I need to hear every so often <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I refer to DS' biological father as his biological father, on the rare occasion it comes up. The girls' bio dad, who's also my ex DH, friend, and maybe, possibly, something more(it's a confusing relationship) is "Daddy" to all 3 of them.<br><br>
I have photographs of bio-thingie with the rest of the family when DS was an infant; I'm saving those photos to show to DS one day. I've explained that "Daddy" loves you and cares about you, but he's not the man who helped make you. *biothingie's first name* is not in our lives right now because he isn't safe to be around. (How else do you explain domestic violenct to a 5yo?)
 

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with my dd her dad did the same thing to me but it was done when i said i was pg she was raised with just me for years so she use to say when asked where is your daddy she would say i dont have one and in my eyes and her's she didnt have one ... now i am in a perm. relationship and he is her daddy she is happy she has one now i will cross the bridge about sperm donor when she is older but for now i feel it has been handled right by saying she dont have one to me a dad is someone in their life 1 sperm dont make him a dad just a donor by his own choice
 
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