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What should I do??? Re: finding out gender

794 Views 16 Replies 17 Participants Last post by  msrog
I am really torn on this.

When I was pg with dd, I was adamant that I did not want to know what she would be. This time, I seriously don't think I can make it the whole 9 months w/o knowing.

In a way, I want to know b/c this baby is due 10 days after dd and it would be a big help knowing if this baby is a boy (if it's a girl, we would not have to worry about buying new clothes). Our finances are a little tight and it would be easier on us to start geting little boy clothes little by little. KWIM?

Also, it would make picking a name much easier. We didn't have a name for dd until I was in the hosp.

I am afraid though, that if I find out I'll regret it OR that I'll be worried that the u/s tech was wrong.

What do you all think? I've already experience the surprise of finding out at the time of birth, and I'm wondering what it'd be like to find out beforehand.

Help me make up my mind!! (DH would like to know)

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We were in the same boat a mere few months ago. DH wanted to know, I was ambivalent - wanted to for the same resons you do - clothing and names. Didn't know with DD 2 years ago and loved the suprise.

Had to have a 34 week u/s and was so torn about finding out! The u/s tech recommended not finding out if I was ambivalent. I did notice that the profile of the baby was very masculine, however, and when I told my DH so the tech kind of nodded yes. So we thought we were having a son, and that was good for me as I was expecting another DD. I had time to digest the strong possibility being a mother to a son!

Well, we did have our DS in mid-Feb and I am glad I knew a bit in advance. Thats a strong statement from one who was adamant NOT to know with #1. I was still very excited at DS's birth- afterall, a person is much more than their gender! We have had the joy of getting to know HIM.

So, to make a long story short, knowing a few weeks in advance did not detract from our joy, and actually gave me a bit of time to adjust to what I wasn't preparing for.

All the best deciding whats best for you!
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Funny how technology can put us in positions to make choices we'd really rather not make, huh?
I didn't know with my first but because of high risk pg's and *multiple* ultrasounds with my other 4 we were always offered the choice. FWIW, I never regretted knowing in advance. I think that it helped me bond earlier, knowing a little bit about who those babies were in advance. And it was really helpful and cost saving in planning for clothes.
Good luck deciding what's best for you...
I've had no less than a half dozen u/s with each pg, so I've found out both times (I'm high risk).

I have loved knowing about my daughters in advance and have loved planning....

But I think the whole delivery would be pretty cool not knowing too!!
I'm no good at waiting for something that I could know NOW so, I may not be the best one to offer advice...

Knowing with ds made it seem more real to me. I was having a really hard time believing that there was a person in there, and to be able to say "him" instead of "the baby" was good for me. We will be finding out this time as well if we are able. I think for me it makes it easier to make a connection with my baby. And I'm also due on the same day as I was with ds, so I'd have all the clothes in all the right sizes and the right seasons.

Good Luck!
I'm very happy that we found out the gender of our new little family member at our u/s.

For us, this is our last child. We have no plans to have more children so finding out the gender at our u/s gave us the opportunity to kind of "grieve" over not having the opportunity to either have our little girl or have our two little buddy boys. Dh and I really wanted both scenarios, which is of course impossible. We loved the idea of having a child of each sex but we also thought that having 2 little boys running around would be wonderful.

So when we found out we are having another little boy we were thrilled. We are so happy that we have our two boys and hope our sons grow to become great friends. But we were also a little sad that we won't ever have our little girl. I am glad that we had the couple hours after the ultrasound to talk openly and honestly about our feelings. I would have felt just awful having those feelings of regret after the baby is born.

In the end you need to do for yourself what you feel is right. Good luck!
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I felt just like you did this pregnancy. This is my 4th PG and I never got u/s with any of my others to find out what I had. I have 3 dd's so needless to say I was kind of curious this time around. Around 15 weeks I told dh I wanted to find out. Then about a week later I changed my mind. Again at 25 weeks I wanted to find out again so I made an appt. to find out. So I went and the tech told us it looks like it is another girl.

My reasoning was that although we want a big family (and atleast one boy someday
) it would help to know early on so if its a girl I can start getting adjusted to the idea and if it was a boy I can stop all the constant day dreaming. Well you know what I wish I did not find out. Yeah I have cut out alot of the day dreaming time because now I supposedly 'know' what it is but I think thats one of the fun part of the PG. I mean your only PG with any particular child once. If I have anymore kids I dont think I will want to find out.

Im due July 7th so Im almost there. Sometimes I wonder if the tech was wrong. Because to me the picture is not so clear but maybe Im just being hopeful. The most important thing is a healthy baby though and that is what I truly pray for. And if its a girl I do have a closet full of clothes

Take care
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You know, I am glad to see this thread b/c in the beginning, dh and I both said we wanted a surprise with this pg, for many reasons, mostly due to the fact that this will be our last and we wanted to not find out and have a birth surprise this time since we found out ds#1 was a boy before he came.

I really agree with so many who have posted before me on this.....I really like to think of *the baby* as a human too with personality not just a growing bean inside and knowing the sex makes it all the more real and the whole bonding issue increases b/c then I can say he/she and talk to *the baby* more.....and yes..we too have all boy things and to know if this is a girl would be great to be prepared to clothe the baby.

I also wonder if I find out will I reget it since I am so close (7.5 weeks left) and this is our last baby.

We have to have an US at 36 weeks b/c I am VBAC and if I want to be able to birth at the hospital I sooo love I have to go with the hospitals VBAC policy.
DH has been saying lately that he does not want a surprise now.....he wants to know....and now that he wants to know, it makes me want to know..yet I wish he would be stronger and not b/c if he did not it would make it easier for me to continue on not knowing.
Ds has said this is a girl from day 1.....
I don't know...I guess I need to really pray on this one.

Mama7x you got it right on.....damn the technology!!!
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i already have one daughter and two sons, so maybe it's easier for me to go through this pregnancy not knowing. i could see that if i had only one gender represented, i might be itching to know if i was going to get the other this time around...

however, i've decided not to try to find out (and i've heard of plenty of u/s diagnosed errors! so whatever you decide, remember there's always room for error, and be prepared for whatever comes your way!). it's hard to say if i could bond more with this babe, knowing the sex... but i sort of doubt it.

i understand folks wanting to know ahead of time. but i also love surprises... i never did hunt for my christmas presents beforehand (like my siblings did!). it's a little secret the baby gets to keep until his/her birthday.

i think i read someone's quote here a while back... "not knowing makes you push harder!"

whatever you choose... to peek or to anticipate... i wish you a joyful birthing!

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I didn't find out with my dd who is now 8, but with this one (due in August)we decided to find out. I have the 1 dd and 3 neices (all born in different seasons) so we have TONS of little girl clothes floating around the family. But there are NO boys yet, so if a boy was coming at the END of the summer and we didn't find out, we would miss an entire season of garage sales. We found out in March that we are having a boy!! Now he has a wardrobe that is beginning to rival his sister's. It is sooooo much easier to shop when you have a focus (i.e. boy/girl clothes).

I am really glad that we found out and I don't think that it has taken anything away. My dd is totally excited about having a little brother. She is always poking me in the belly and giggling because she is "teasing her brother", and that is something that her girl cousins don't have. I think it makes it that much more real to her. She is also already making plans on the "boy" things that she wants to teach him!!

Good Luck
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My first was a surprise. My second we found out. This time we found out. I'm not good at surprises. My only recommendation would be that if you choose to find out, ask the u/s tech to write it for you and put it in an envelope. Open it when you and dh are alone. With my second, the tech told us and I was really disappointed to be having another girl. I felt like I couldn't be true to my emotions b/c there was a 'stranger' (the tech) there. This time we got it in writing - much better. I think this is such an personal/intimate thing. Just my two cents.
I havent found out with this baby and its just driving me crazy!
It would be fun to go shopping for little clothes and pick out a name that we can start calling the baby now...but I am sooo excited about finding out after the birth! I want my son to be the one to tell us - that will be so special for him.

If it will make things easier for you then go ahead and find out! We did with my daughter and it was so neat to have that little bit of info beforehand. I did wonder, though, if maybe the sonogram tech was wrong and worried that I had spent all my money on pink clothes and pink EVERYTHING just to give birth to a boy, but it didnt spoil my fun too much!
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We aren't finding out....

We aren't having any non-medically indicated ultrasounds because of risk concerns, but if we did have to have one for some reason, I'm not sure WHAT we would do. I just never saw it as an option for us, cause we aren't planning on having any way to do it.

I would probably find out, though...I'm the kind of girl who snoops for Christmas presents. I can't stand suspense.
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I was like you too, adamant about not finding out the first time...and had to know the second :LOL In a way I think that it's neat to experience it from both prespectives, then someday I can truly have an opinion about it, hehe.

I found out only about 3 weeks still seems a little surreal knowing, but I do think it's neat! I don't think that I will regret knowing, it was still a surprize (I was leaning towards girl) and I am enjoying the daydreaming and preparing. Even though I found out there is still a little room to think about "what if" as I know that people have been told wrong before.
We aren't finding out, and didn't with our first two babies either. With dd (our second), we did have an u/s at 16 weeks because of growth issues with our first, and we kind of wanted to find out the sex, but she just didn't turn the right way. This time we're not having any u/s, and don't want to know until the birth if the baby is a girl or a boy. I think already having one of each makes it easier to NOT know. I think if we had two boys or two girls I'd be more eager to find out. I love the idea of not even knowing for a few moments after the baby is birthed what the sex is, just looking into that sweet face for awhile instead of announcing the sex immediately.

As far as preparations go, we have plenty of gender-neutral stuff. It's still very warm here in Sept. when I'm due, so the baby will probably hang out in tee shirts and onesies much of the time. We have a great local kid's resale shop where I can trade in dd's girlie clothes for boy stuff if I need to. Lots of dd's clothes were "bought" with trade credit from ds's outgrown stuff.
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We've found out with all of ours. We like finding out in the relative intimacy of the ultrasound room. It's dark and cozy and it's just us and the tech. I'm not exhausted or in pain or still in the birth process. There were a ton of other surprises and wonder about each of ours at birth (color of hair, facial features, family resemblance, etc.) that I think the gender would have been pretty anti-climatic for me. However, at 18 weeks it's all there was so it was exciting and wonderful. We've always gone to lunch to celebrate and talk about names.
Ugh, we're going through this now, too! We were adamant about not finding out with Nicolas, asking the sono techs not to show or tell us... But we only had a boy name picked out, since we had prayed for a son and were SO Sure it would be a boy!

Well this time it's getting tricky. We're having twins, with standard u/s every month already (starting at 20 weeks). We have prayed for 10 years we'd have identical girls after our son. Now my husband wants to peek, and I'm unsure. I kindof want to know, more for the thrill of seeing if I can discern the u/s image myself, and to know about names. But I don't want to spoil the surprise, and I don't want to be disappointed early if it's not two girls... (Though I'm sure it will be, haha!)

Oh, and I like the idea of being the first to announce the sex of the babies myself after they're born and on my chest. But the name thing is tricky... Twins are usually born 10-20 minutes apart, and I cannot name baby A until I know what gender baby B is.

Egads, what to do? haha. I feel your pain. I also fear I would regret finding out. Especially since, how often does one person get to carry and birth twins, you know?
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