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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hubby has to go out of town unexpectedly for 2 days. He'll be home late Friday night, but after midnight so I'll have to do the night routine, bath, bedtime, etc. Which shouldn't be a big deal, but when I tried to help with the bath last night as dh was buying his ticket the older one kept asking "Mom, what you doing?" and ended up swinging at me and throwing a mini-fit saying "You're not my daddy!" I've done their baths in the past and use to do them exclusively, but since I've been so tired and sick with this pregnancy hubby's taken over the bulk of their night routine; and when we vacationed a few weeks back without hubby around (he had to work, new job no vacation) there was no fighting or complaining about mom doing things instead. But apparently last night J wasn't having it. I don't know if it was just a off night, or if it was because he knew Bill was here, or if it was because we were 'home' and he wanted what he's used to or what. But if it happens again tonight what should I do, I can't exactly go in one room and console him and be in the other washing his brother; I can't let him roam the house when I can't see him but I wouldn't feel right forcing him to stay in the bathroom and play when he didn't want me to give him a bath just so he was near me and his brother. I can't decide if I should just go for it or if I should try giving them rag/sponge baths instead just to avoid him feeling like I'm trying to replace Dad. [He's kind of picky about things sometimes, for example he doesn't usually eat well if I cook instead of hubby--so he could easily be irritable from hunger before we start anyway] This morning went pretty well, the boys usually wake up early (5/6 am) with dad and I don't get up til about 7:30 and hubby had to leave a 3 am this morning so I was dreading it. When the younger woke up he was content to just snuggle with me in my bed, but when J woke up he called for and searched all over for Dad (even inside the fridge, go figure) and when I told him that Daddy wasn't here he cried and cried, but I said "I'm sorry honey but Daddy had to go on a business trip" and he immediately stopped (as if he got it, but I doubt he did because hubby's never been on one before) and decided to just snuggle with me and his brother instead. We all got up around 7:30 and everything has been fine, but I'm really worried about bath/bedtime. Hubby puts them to bed and gets up with them if they wake up, and I'm not sure how they'll like him not being here for that.

Am I just worrying needlessly or is there something I can do to make things smoother for them?
 

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Perhaps this is coming too late, as it is already after 8pm...SORRY!

My thoughts are: (not sure of their ages...)
* Can DH phone them in the evening and walk them through expectations? Ask them to "help" mommy with bath and bedtime?

*Continually give them updates about what to expect about the day -the way things might be different, or the same.

*Get them to pretend YOU are all on a trip and verbally describe what you might see, as you play in the "ocean water" (bath) and search the sky for seagulls and planes and such.

*Do something really nice for "daddy's return" - like color/paint pictures - trace their bodies on large paper. Basicallyt enlist their help as much as possible.

I hope your night goes better than you anticipated!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I guess things went pretty smoothly give or take. We didn't do baths, I was told "I don't want your sinkie (his word for baths)" so I let it go. I wiped there faces and feet with washcloths and just put them in their pjs and brushed their teeth. Unfortunately they didn't go to bed until after 10:30 and woke up at 5:30, although I was able push getting up back to almost 7.

They had some weird moments like wanting to walk around pantless with sandals on but I just indulged them thinking it really didn't matter and I wanted to save my energy for night. Once it hit about 6pm (when dh normally would have been coming home) they went crazy. Ben said "I want my mommy" and I said 'I'm right here' and he says "NO! My real mom!" (he sometimes calls my hubby mama and apparently decided he's the 'real' mom,
) So I said 'I'm sorry he's still on his trip.' Then as I cooked dinner Jay says "You're not the daddy, stop it!" As we eat he asks for more chicken and I suggest he eat some veggies (because I was planning on saving the chicken for their lunch today) "Why don't you taste some of your beans or potatoes?" He quickly (and sassily) retorts "I do not eat potatoes that are cut like carrots."
I shrugged it off because they are generally served baked, mashed or pan fried here (In fact I'd cut them up and boiled them to mash them but was too lazy to do it when the rest of dinner was ready to eat.) and just offered him dessert instead. Then after dinner play turned into after dinner fighting and I had to ask them to play something else to which Jay quips "Mom, I love you but I want a new mom." So I ask him if he wants to talk about it, he sighs and says "Nevermind!" and goes in his room and slams his door. I knock on the door and open it planning to make sure he's ok and he screams at the top of his lungs "NO! Don't want!" So I shut the door and left him alone. A couple minutes later he comes out says he loves me gives me a hug and plays with his brother. Then as they start playing happily in the living room, I go into the kitchen to load the dishwasher (the counter with the dishwasher and sink has a bar island so I could see into the LR and keep an eye on them). Jase comes in and demands something totally bizzare (can't remember what at the moment) and I act like I don't understand and ask him if he'd like to color. which gets an "Oh wow, yeah!" and I get his crayons and coloring book. Ben of course doesn't want to color or watch his brother color (which he sometimes does, clapping at his progress as if he's watching some master artist at work) so he comes in the kitchen with me and periodically keeps trying to close the dishwasher on me as I'm putting things in. But then he calms too, and I get them both in my bed and the phone rings. Which really wouldn't have mattered if I'd had them in their room but in mine the phone is right by the bed. It dad but neither of them want to talk to him, so we talk a little. I get the kids back in bed, and they play in dark and J jabbers something about how my ceiling fan is different from the one in their room and on and on til 10. Then he decides he would like to call dad, Ben claps, I tell them it's too late to call dad because he's going to bed too (actually he was probably already asleep since he had to get up at 2:30a yesterday) and we really just needed to go to sleep right now. He get over that and says, "Mom, I really don't want you in my bed" I point out that we are in my bed and ask if he would like to go to their room, he says no and I tell him I really like that they agreed to sleep with me but I need to go to bed now. So the charmer goes "Why? Because of the baby in your belly?" :LOL I say 'No because it's late and it's past my bedtime.' "How can that be?" I sit up and look at the clock 'Because it's 10:27' He looks at me and goes "Oh, sorry." He gets quiet finally and the 2 minutes later, starts up with "Mom, would you like to color?" 'No' "Would you like to baccum (vaccum)?" :LOL 'No, not especially.' "Do you need to pee?" 'No' "Did you take your bitamin (vitamin)?" 'Yes' "Would you like to change your socks?"
'No, they're fine.' "Mooooommmm!" 'Yes, Jay?' "What would you like to do?" 'Sleep' "Oh. (he pauses) That's really not so fun you know." 'I'm sorry, I guess I'm feeling particularly boring right now.' "Oh, ok. I see. No wonder."
Then he finally rolls over and goes to sleep.

The problem is the whole process took about 3 hrs (fortunately I started early) hubby gets them done in half that even on the difficult nights when they get up and try running out of the room. I think part of it could be because dad wasn't here, but I really think it's my fault. I'm guessing I really shouldn't have answered all his questions as he just kept asking more, but what should I be doing? Does anyone else have a child like this? If so, what do you do at night to get them to bed. I honestly think Ben would have gone to sleep much sooner if it hadn't been for all the talking and such. So it's really just a problem of how I'm dealing with Jay. I feel like such a crap mom right now.
 

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(((hugs)))

Sounds like you made some great choices - no real bath, and not arguing about dinnertime. While DH is away is not a good time to make changes that it seems HIS input would be a huge help overall.

I think I would have answered my son's questions...just ultimately reminded him again, that is is bedtime - and he can lie away, but it is past my bedtime.

I don't know for sure, since my son has yet to speak any real words. :LOL

You are not a bad mom - don't be so hard on yourself.
When DH returns, maybe talk with him about how to work on respect from the kids with the difference in parenting styles you have. He can be such a great ally. Hang in there.
 
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