[spughy]

My DD just turned 3, and has been growing steadily less inclined to play with and tolerate other kids as she gets older. When we go to playgroup now, she doesn't interact much with other kids and if she's playing with something and one or more other kids come along and try to play with her, she'll drop everything and either come complain to me or go somewhere else. This afternoon she was in the little playhouse in the outdoor play area and two other kids - one of whom she knows very well - went in and she let out a horrid screech and screamed for me to get her out. Then when she was riding a tricycle around and another little girl started doing the same - and, I might add, doing a great job of AVOIDING DD - she started screeching again like she was either scared, offended or both at the fact that someone ELSE was on a trike when she was.

She doesn't ever WANT to go play with other kids. Whenever I suggest going over to someone else's house to play, she doesn't want to. If we do go, she gloms onto me and insists that *I* play with her. I've had visits with friends that involve us camping out with the toys just so we could talk, because DD will not leave me alone and play with their kids.

Yet, she plays very well by herself, or with older children. She can disappear into our neighbour's basement for HOURS with their kids, who are 7 and 10. It's just kids her age. She seems to have no desire at all to interact with them, even if they are polite, respectful and kind, which most of the kids at our playgroup ARE. It's a fantastic playgroup, there are no real "problem" kids and all the other mamas are really awesome about intervening if necessary but letting play *happen*.

I don't know what to do. Playgroup several times a week doesn't seem to be helping. She is old enough for preschool now, but I'm not a huge fan of the idea because I am a SAHM and I don't really need a break since MIL looks after her 2 days a week anyway. But I think she needs to learn how to deal with kids her age. Part of it may be that because she's played SO much with adults and older kids, she's always treated with deference and her wishes are respected instantly. That doesn't happen with kids her age, and she doesn't deal with it well. Or at all. And if I'm there, she just runs right to me and even though I don't DO anything - usually I tell her that if someone takes something from her or if she wants something that someone else has, she needs to talk to THEM about it. But, I've been telling her that for a year and a half now, to no avail.

Has anyone else been through this? Is it something she will grow out of? Is there a way that I can help her learn how to deal with kids her age? Do you think a day or two a week in preschool would help? Or if a friend she knows and trusts takes her to playgroup instead of me? I understand that playing in the same vicinity without much interaction is normal, but most of her peers are getting past that stage now and WANT to play with her. She is more verbal than many of them too, but she won't actually *talk* to them, she just stares at them like they're aliens from another planet.

Help?

 

[eccomama]

Is there a coop type of preschool around where you live? It's usually low cost as it's run by parents and teachers. Few of my friends who are SAHM moms really like it especially as the kids approach 3-4 age. It builts social skills like sharing, taking turns, personal space, etc.
You can also enroll her in diffrent classes, maybe soccer since it's a cooperative sport thru your local park and rec.
good luck

 

[sacredmama]

Sounds like my son. He's very independent, introverted, and slow to transition, as well. Honestly, I've never seen any issues with it. I read somewhere that around age 4 is when they start to develop more relationships with kids and when they start playing more together. Hope you feel better soon...

 

[meemee]

i would not worry about it at all. she is just 3. she WILL figure it out.

i have a child just like yours. even at our playdates she hung out with the mothers more than she hung out with kids. this is 18 months old.

my dd is 6 now. and she is still like this. she just prefers older kids. at 3 her favourite playmates were 6-7 year olds. now its 10 year olds. its her maturity level. she relates better to adults.

and by the way those kidsa for your dd ARE aliens from another planet.

i have accepted my dd as she is. i have tried a few times to push her into playing with other kids but found what she calls play and they are completely different. in fact my dd has had her feelings hurt coz other kids dont understand her. for instance at 3 she made a catch game with chicken pox. she had to simplify the game to get teh others to play.

your dd is who she is. just as my dd is who she is. different.

and now going thru the 6 year thing when little chldren try to copy dd seh gets really upset.

its only now that i have started telling my dd to fight her own battles. coz i know other kids will understand her explanation. i dont think other kids will understand what your dd if she wants to fight her own battles.

 

[proudmamanow]

that sounds a lot like dd at age 2.5-3 we called her our little misanthrope. Only now at 3yrs 7 months is that starting to change, I really think its common (or at least with a particular personality type) and though its hard on the parents, it will pass...