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Here's my situation: I miraculously found a wonderful and inexpensive nanny for my daughter when she was approx 3 months old (now 8 mos). She speaks Spanish, cleans a ton, and loves her very much. I just started a new job 2 months ago where I do a full time position in a 4 day work week. My mom takes DD 1 day a week, and the nanny does 3 days in my home.<br><br>
I had been going to a new mommy support group weekly before I started this new job, and one of the moms asked me how I found my DCP. She is a flight attendant, and said she needed someone 2 weekends a month. I naively gave her my DCP's info and said to give her a call. As soon as she gave a me a surprised look for being so generous, I realized how stupid that was. I said, "Please don't steal her from me; my husband would kill me!" Sure enough, she has now booked her up for 3 days every week and isn't even starting back to work till April!<br><br>
DCP mentioned some negative things like they don't come home when she calls them and says the baby is crying a lot. I don't know this woman at all aside from the few weeks we were in the support group together, and she hasn't tried to contact me at all. I made it clear to DCP that she is not my friend and she should not feel obligated to work for her if she is unhappy. Then today DCP tells me this woman asked her to work for her on Monday (today)! She told her she is working w/ DD and she is comfortable with me & DH. DH and I said "Thank you! DD would be very sad, and we would be very sad, if you were to work for her instead!"<br><br>
I just got her phone # the other day, and I also found out some of the moms are meeting for lunch on my day off. Question is, what should I say to her? What would you say? Should I call her or just meet her at lunch? I don't know how to approach her and make my concerns clear without showing just how upset I am. I don't feel like she has any qualms about hurting me. She also has a lot more money than I do, so she could very easily pay DCP a lot more than I am paying her. What would you do?? Help!!
 

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WOW! I don't know that I would say a thing to her. Just remember that $ isn't everything. Sell that to your DCP. I don't know how your contract works with your DCP, but if you don't have one, maybe it's time to ask your DCP if she would enter in to one with you. (You could be very frank with her and discuss how important she is to your family and you want her to feel secure in her position with you.) Then I would offer her as much flexibility as you possibly can along with a set # of paid sick and vacation days.<br><br>
It sounds to me like you probably have the upper hand here because I'm sure she is attached to your dd and it seems like the other family is a little unreliable from your op.<br><br>
But again, I wouldn't say anything to the "other woman". If she sees you, she'll think of how underhanded she was.
 

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What can you say. She's not your friend so you can't "break-up" with her, and she is not doing anything illegal <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: .
 

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Wow, that sounds like an awful situation, and one ugly mama. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.<br>
To be honest, I wouldn't bother talking to the other woman. Obviously, she doesn't really care about your opinion/feelings, and if you weren't friends to begin with - or have a shared social circle who might support you - talking to her probably won't change that.<br>
I would talk to the nanny instead, and make it as clear as you can how much you value her. And then back it up with your actions in how you treat her.<br>
I hope it all works out!
 

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Wow - this would have been considered a major foul in my new moms group! I'm sorry you're in this situation.<br><br>
I wouldn't say a word to the other mom - about your nanny concerns, or anything else. Plainly, this is not a woman with whom you are going to enjoy your journey into motherhood! I'd go to lunch, enjoy time with the other ladies, and other than saying hello and whatever else you need to say to maintain civility, I'd ignore the nanny stealer to the extent possible. If it's a group of women at lunch, if you're not sitting next to her, you shouldn't have to chat with her much. If she tries to engage you in conversation, I'd keep it brief and not give any other personal information.<br><br>
I agree with the suggestions from the previous posters about speaking with your DCP and letting her know how much you value her. I don't know your situtation obviously, but do you think it would make any sense to lay it all out and say that you are worried that she might leave you for this other family and ask if there is anything you can do (or pay!!) to keep her?? Just a thought...<br><br>
Good luck!
 
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