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This post is going to make me sound like a whiny spoiled b-tch but I can't be the only one having these thoughts. I was in no hurry to have baby #2 but found out I'm pregnant today. It hasn't been confirmed yet through a blood test but those drugstore tests are pretty accurate, right? I know the second time around, I should be more relaxed about things but when I tell you that the first post-partum period was the worst period of my life, that was no exaggeration and I'm no form to repeat any of it. DS and I almost got divorced and I hurled a dish at my dad in the first few days home from the hospital!
Then, when I told my mom and DH and then listed a bunch of things that I don't want to repeat this time, I got stonewalled from one and hysterics from the other! Like I don't want a hospital birth b/c that added to my level of stress during labor and I think really prolonged the dilation part. I have no idea how my mom is every going to wrap her head around that. And I told DH I wanted to get a lot of stuff ready before the baby arrives so I wouldn't be a nervous wreck this time running to BRU every hour, but no he is superstitious that getting stuff for the baby before it's born is bad luck. And then I asked if he could stay home for a few days after baby 2 arrives and he barely agreed to a whole whopping 2 days (he took no days off for DS).To my family, calmly reasoning to them rarely does any good.
Also, I wanted to enjoy having just a toddler for now, enjoy the little freedom that I've regained now that he's growing up. Get my figure back, wear some nice clothes again, go out on the town more now that DS is sleeping better. I see all that going up in dust.
Then, there is the whole idea of not living w/an extended family. How many times have I read in baby books that the nuclear family is just not the way that nature intended new mothers to be raising children in. I've said this a bunch of times to parents and Dh hoping they'd respond, "You know what? You're right, we should help out more!" or "Honey, you do need someone to come help w/the baby." But all they answered with was, "How can women with three children do it all day by themselves?"
Where do I start making this better so history doesn't repeat itself?
 

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Definitely not the only one with these sorts of feelings! It seems like every time I finally start to lose weight and get physically in shape (something I NEED to do, not just for myself, but for my family!), I get pregnant again! Not to say I can't be healthy and active during pg--I'm trying VERY HARD this time to do just that--but it's still one step forward and two steps back!

I guess the only encouragement I have to offer is that you don't *have* to DO or FEEL anything yet. You don't have to make all those decisions right now, or convince everyone immediately. You have time. Time to relax, time to let it settle in, get used to the idea of another little one. Time to breathe!
Hugs, mama! You are in good company, and you'll be just fine!


PS....if you can get them to answer that question about how women w/ 3 handle things, could you PLEASE let me know??? Because I generally don't think I'm "handling it" very well, most days!
 

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I think your feelings are completely normal and understandable and that you don't sound spoiled or b*tchy. I too had a very, very rough post-partum period. I too am very, very worried about how I will get through it again, esp. with a toddler!

I think you should take some time to let things sink in and then try to come up with a plan that will make this time around easier on you. I've gotten a wonderful doula, I've been seeing a therapist to talk about my birth issues and get my head on straight before this baby comes, I'm not going to allow visitors until I am good and ready (and none in the hospital at all), and I'm even planning on taking dried placenta capsules to stave off PPD. (Read about that here: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=361394) I really don't care what anyone thinks about any of it bc I'm the one who has to go through it and deal with it. Anyone who has had serious PPD can understand the desire to do ANYTHING to avoid it in the future.

I've figured out a way to keep my mom away during the birth--I have honored her with the task of taking care of DD while I am in the hospital. She's loving that, and I'm excited that she won't be around to listen outside the door when the baby is born like she did last time.
:

When things have settled down, talk to your DH about the support you need. Maybe, like mine, he was unaware of just how bad it was bc you masked it so well. Tell him what you need him to do. Sometimes I mention things to DH but it goes over his head (like your thing about extended family), but when I ask him specifically to do something to help me, he does it. It's less romantic, but he's not psychic, KWIM? Ask for what you want and NEED. If he is unable to give that support to you, consider a post-partum doula. They all have to do their training somehow, so maybe you can get lucky and find someone who will be free or reduced if money is an issue. I'd like to have someone for a few hours a day the first week or two just to give me a rest.

My DH is also uncomfortable with a HB, but if you feel that is what you NEED, then keep talking to him. You have a right to give birth the way you will feel most comfortable.

Good luck! Vent any time.
 

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I agree with the pp- you don't need to feel bad you aren't excited right now. Later in pregnancy when you feel baby moving and all that, you will feel that connection to the baby.

I think making plans to have the birth you want is your right. And I hope you can find a solution that makes you very comfortable. I was very adament about doing things differently with my second, I had some resistance from both DH and my mom, but I did bring them around.

If your dh and your family can't help out during the pp period, look at hiring a post partum doula- or even a local teen to be a mother's helper, and help with your toddler while you recover.

Perhaps you can plan to hand down lots of baby stuff from your first to this baby, so you won't need as much stuff this time? And of course, if it were me, I'd buy diapers and whatever that I knew I really needed ahead of time, and if dh had a problem with that, I'd just keep it out of his sight.

Do remember that you have a lot of time to figure all this out.
 
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