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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi mamas -

I'd love to have dd with us during labor of our second child but I'm
not sure how it will work out.

I'm due three days before dd's second birthday in January. I'm planning to go to the same birthing center which is 45 mins away. (It's my dream to have a home birth but our house is soooo small I don't see how the birth team can fit in here. So for this reason I'm planning on going all the way to
the BC again).

I'm hiring the same doula we used with the first labor. I prefer to
have my dd with us for the labor but I don't know how that will
work. What if we want to sleep for a bit after the birth and before
going home like we did last time? My doula is so great I'm sure
she'll help out with dd but I also want her labor services... My mom
offered in a round about way to come up but that's a whole set of
stresses for me. She's not exactly easy going and supportive.

I'm not sure what to do. Anyone have similar circumstances?

Thank you!
 

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Yup - our DD will be 3 when her sibling arrives. We didn't have a good choice for a friend or family member to be with her, so we've hired a "sibling doula". We found a doula who has two toddlers of her own, and gets on really well with DD. She's going to hang out with us a few times in the weeks leading up to the birth so that DD is comfortable with her - and because she is both a doula and a mama, I think she'll do a very good job of reading both DD's needs and mine and figuring out the best thing to do at the time.
 

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Many birth centers will ask that any siblings attending the birth have their own "support person" who focuses specifically on the child's needs (and it's a good idea even if not required). Do you have a friend or relative (NOT someone who stresses you out!) that is comfortable supporting your daughter? Some mamas I know hire a doula just for their older child...your doula is there for you and may not be comfortable caring for your older child as well, so maybe ask your doula if she knows anyone who might enjoy assisting your older daughter.

Although some children are comfortable and entranced during their mother's labor/delivery of younger sibs, some aren't. If you're worried that your dd might not be able to process the intense emotions and possibly "scary" sounds (scary to a little one I mean) then perhaps have that support person be someone dd is comfortable sleeping around...a relative of friend who can stay with dd at your home or nearby hotel while you labor, bringing your dd into and out of the room as needed and watching her after the birth while you relax.

Again...ask your midwife and doula for ideas if you don't have family or close friends nearby, and good luck with your upcoming birth!
 

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My oldest dd (5) wants to be there, so my mom will be there with her
She is completely fascinated by the whole thing but mom will be there as her support person
I don't know about little dd yet, I think she will hang out with her Poppy (my dad) close by but I doubt she'll want to be there.
 

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We've hired a doula, and are planning to have her help, my dh and possible my mother as well. I don't think ds will do well seeing me in pain but I do want him close in case he wants to nurse or see me if he gets anxious. He is 2 1/2. Still thinking about how to juggle everything. We'll be in the hospital so it will be more stressfull than being at home.
 

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We have been going over this too. We don't live near any family so I had a few friends in mind and asked them. The problem is with it being summer they have vacations planned. Thankfully one friend is back and dc can go there. I've already told dc that he is going to X friends house when mama goes to the birth center to have the baby. He repeated what I has said back later so I knew it sunk in. He is looking forward to going to going there as he enjoys her company.
 

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Our 19 month-old daughter was born in a birthing home and our then 5 year-old son was with us. We had planned to have a friend come with us (actually two, just in case!). This worked out very well, although I ended up arriving at the birthing home just 40 minutes before Leigh was born! Our son stayed with our friends in another room during the pushing phase (there was a playroom in the birthing home) and rushed in as soon as they heard that Leigh was born.

Andre (our son) was not shy at all. Everyone else was standing back and watching our new baby and me. But not him! He ran up to me, hugged me and snuggled up to cuddle and kiss Leigh! It was beautiful!

After the whole experience the only negative thing he said is that there was blood everywhere (this was not actually true - I lost very little but it must have seemed so to him) and also he felt somewhat lost during the taxi ride while I was groaning loudly and my husband was trying to comfort me AND reassure and direct the driver!

Our friends offered to bring Andre to their house for the night (he ended up staying 2 days before coming home). I wanted him near me but everybody thought it was a good idea for us to be alone with Leigh. I do regret letting him go - I missed him terribly!

Other than that, it was great, and I'm sure he could have stayed during the pushing phase - no problem
!
 

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My DS will be a few months shy of 3 when baby#2 is due. We plan to use a birth center as well. As someone else suggested, our birth center has a rule that kids are allowed but they need someone there that's just for them. I keep going back and forth about what to do with DS during my active labor. I am thinking I will call some friends to come play (or sleep... depending on what time it is...) when things start picking up in my labor, so when we're ready to go to the birth center we can just go. I thought for a while I might want ds there with me, but I think he would be too distracting for me, especially as he is very sensitive to my emotions. I think it'll be best for us if he stays home with some friends and they can bring him to the birth center as soon as the baby is born. That's our plan at the moment anyway.
 

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Quote:
We've hired a doula, and are planning to have her help, my dh and possible my mother as well. I don't think ds will do well seeing me in pain but I do want him close in case he wants to nurse or see me if he gets anxious. He is 2 1/2. Still thinking about how to juggle everything. We'll be in the hospital so it will be more stressfull than being at home.
So curious about that - we are trying for a home and water birth partly b/c ds will be 1 1/2 and is still nursing...I didn't think the hospital would even allow him in!! (I prefer trying for home and water regardless but that was a big consideration for us)
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks for all the posts. Like so many have said - the best would be family or friends. If I had that there wouldn't be an issue I'm sure.

I think so much of it will depend on what time my contractions start and what time I want to go to the BC. If dd's sleeping and I think I'll be home soon - I'll just let her sleep and ask someone to come over.

I'm starting to consider a home birth. It's my dream of dreams - always has been. It's just our house is so small and I can't imagine dh, a doula, a midwife, and whoever else in our small bedroom (if that's where we end up). Also I MUST have a tub as an option. Dd was born in the water and it was great. So don't know where that will go. But I'm going to meet with a midwife to see about having this baby at home!
 

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I am doing u/c this time so if my son is around and is interesting in watching, then hey. I'm all right with that, thing is he is 12 (almost 13 by then) and I kinda suspect he wont wanna see.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CariS
. I'm starting to consider a home birth. It's my dream of dreams - always has been. It's just our house is so small and I can't imagine dh, a doula, a midwife, and whoever else in our small bedroom (if that's where we end up). Also I MUST have a tub as an option. Dd was born in the water and it was great. So don't know where that will go. But I'm going to meet with a midwife to see about having this baby at home!
I originally thought that my place would be to small for a hb, but then I got the idea to move out my kitchen table and have the birth tub in the kitchen/dining room. Also, I just wanted to add that the midwive(s) will be there the whole time, so a doula is really unnecissary. My midwife team(2 mws, no apprentices) said that they will come up as soon as labor gets really going and stay until 4+hours after the birth. Then they will have a 24 hour visit, a 3, a 5 and a 14 day visit. I feel confident that I won't need a doula like I did in the bc (midwife was there a total of an hour during the birth).
 

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Oh yah, and I wanted to add that when I mentioned the fear of my place being to small, they laughed and told me quite an amusing story. Long story short, they did a WATER birth in 250sq ft. bus with no running water! So no, they didn't think my place to small at all
.
 

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I had a homebirth dd was 15 months and she was awake during my labor and made me laugh sooo much she was so sweet! She fell asleep before he was born and she didnt even wake up when I yelled my water broke quite loudly right near her room! She came in a few hours later when she woke at 2 am to check him out she was like ooo babies! The mw was kind of annoyed when she was trying to touch the stethescope while listening to the baby youd think one of my relatives would have entertained dd but they were all focusing on me owells. I hope you get what you want! happy birth blessings.
 

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Small house? Let me tell you about mine. We live in 800sf with my mother! We had our twins (and our first) in this house with two older brothers, grandma, mom (duh!), dad, two midwives, and an assistant midwife. Plus we ALL were in our 11x14 foot living room with the birthing tub for their births! You can do it!


As for keeping the older one busy, a grandparent or friend can occupy her or she can watch movies or hang out with some sort of job to do. That kept my then 15mo old busy during my labor with his brother. For the actual birth he had a wash cloth and his job was to wipe my forehead then the baby's feet after birth. He was very excited and did great! He could leave whenever he wanted and there was someone to take care of him if he chose to. He stayed and was never scared.
 
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