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I posted my long sordid tale on partners board, but I'm really leaning towards divorce. I don't see this getting better, and I'm just alone.<br>
I've actually started to get antsy about DH even seeing me naked anymore, like in the shower <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I don't know what to do now though, our house needs mucho work (new fence = atleast 5-10K, new patio door would help sell, and toilet is busted and would cost about 1600) before we could sell it. I need to get this off my chest, but I'm worried what will happen when I tell him the truth.<br><br>
I also REALLY REALLY don't want to get stuck in the state of texas. I actually made him promise we'd move in 5 years, 2.5 years ago. I'm afraid if we divorce, i'll have to stay here. It's basically the only thing keeping me from kicking his arse out now.<br><br>
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job, it pays really well, and I can see myself staying with this company for several years. All my last oh, 10 years of employment has been dismal, and this company RULES.<br>
So I can't up and leave the area with kids, I need income. Right now I make more than double DH's income and I'm basically supporting us (his income pays for daycare, and thats about it)<br><br>
There is a chance I might get to move, but it'll be awhile still.<br><br>
And to top it off, Tons of sex problems. 2x in the last 18, maybe 3-4x in the last 24m. I've developed a bit of a crush on a coworker, which is a long and bad thing, but I can't help it. So many needs not being met in the emotional/physical level there. I so don't want to cheat, I never ever thought cheating was acceptable. But at the same time, I SOOOO need some action and it ain't happening here.<br><br>
I feel like if I atleast came clean and said I was pretty much done, I would feel less guilty about anything possible with this other person now. Ugh.<br><br>
The big thing though, is he keeps trying to be more affectionate towards me, and I SO don't want it anymore. The whole coworker thing was just the mirror I needed to show me how much I was missing from a actual physical relationship at this point.<br><br>
The whole custody/texas thing has me stuck though. I don't know what to do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I want to welcome you and, at a minimum, encourage you to take it slow and one step at a time. Counseling might help you sort out your feelings, long and short-term goals and the health of your marriage.<br><br>
If it were me I would try to figure out whether I felt the marriage was over before I pursued *any* outside intimate relationship. I doubt a "relationship" would serve you personally or legally in the event of a divorce.<br><br>
As for being trapped in Texas ... depends on your H -- he might be willing to let you and the kids leave the state at some future date. Might not ...<br><br>
At least your job rocks -- that is a HUGE positive! At least you have financially stability independent of your H -- another HUGE positive. Take it from a sahm who's kids now qualify for reduced price lunches and who needs to find a job after 7 years at home -- scarey times.<br><br>
So ... take some time, do some reflection and come here any time to share and support!<br><br>
M
 
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