This is a tricky one, and I think the answer may vary depending on the family. For me, I chose to include my daughter, who was stillborn, in my college alumni directory with deceased after her name. I did this because the listing there was more for general informational purposes--it was a list of my children for the sole purpose of telling people who they were. OTOH, she is not listed in our church directory, since to me that is more for people to send birthday cards and group children by age for classes and such. I am thinking you need to ask the family, but so soon after the baby's death may not be the time to do it. Do you update the directory at each information change or at regular intervals? I am thinking that sometime after the funeral, you may want to give her a call, tell her you're updating the directory, and ask her how/if she wants him to be listed. Be sympathetic, that you can't imagine how difficult this must be for her, and that you want to give out as much or as little information about him as she is comfortable with. This would have upset me, so I imagine that it will upset her, but finding a listing where I did not want one would upset me even more. I needed (and still need) the control over what situations I have to deal with my loss in the immediate moment. For us, also, our church at the time experienced our loss with us, attended the funeral, etc., and it just didn't feel right. When we changed churches a few months ago, I did hesitate when filling out the directory information, but in the end decided that was information I would rather share as I felt the need to, instead of just listing it. I reasoned that if I were a widow, I would not hve listed my husband's information. Feel free to ask me any other questions if you want to<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> hope this gives you some idea of what to do.
